another dreaded porn thread, but i really would appreciate some input!

[megnog]

hi all!

 

let me get right to my problem -

a few months ago, my boyfriend and i of three years, were watching tv in his family room and i fell asleep on the couch. not too much later I awoke with him watching porn on the tv. I'm not completely against porn, hell I have some myself, but I don't want to watch it With him, or think about him watching it. I'm sorry but knowing that my guy is getting hard for some other girl with bigger tits and a better ass just doesn't really make me so happy. I was angry, of course, but we talked about it and I said to never let it happen again.

 

Well last night we hung out and I fell asleep before he did. No harm done, right? Well we hang out all today and then go back down to his room tonight to watch tv and when he turns it on, its on showtime. This gives me an obvious clue to what he was watching the night before while I was sleeping. I accused him and he smiled and well that was about it. I dropped it. Didn't say a word but I was upset in my head. Eventually that led me to want to go home and well here I am. I don't know how to react. For gods sake, we hang out about twice a week. He has allllll those other times to watch porn and jerk off, thats five days times 24 hours!!! come on!

 

I JUST don't want to be in the same room when hes watching porn, is that so hard to ask???! I wanted to tell him how I felt and get angry but whenever I get angry, and let him know, I tend to drag it on for hours and then he, inturn, gets angry at me.

 

Anyway what really makes me mad is when he found out I had porn of my own. He flipped his **** getting all angry saying he doesn't want his girlfriend looking at other guys dicks! He said its completely different for guys to have porn than for girls to have porn. He said there is a rule that guys are allowed to have it and girls aren't. This is such bullsh*t. I'm really angry that he just HAD to watch porn last night while I was sleeping. Why do guys feel the need to watch it at the worst possible times? ****ing wait until I leave or something GODAMN!

 

So, like I said, I haven't said anything to him about it yet and I'm wondering if I should. I've also kind of had this feeling that hes a pervert for a while now and I've even addressed him about it. This just makes me feel like he is even more. To start off, we began dating when he was 24 and I was 16! And on a more personal note, we did it on like our 2nd or 3rd date! Can you imagine what he must have been thinking?? I don't know what to do about all this. Please give me some input, anybody!! Thanks

[Art_Critic]

Is he watching Showtime cable TV or is he watching XXX sex videos ?

[Island Girl]

What to say? - You said you feel he is a pervert. He slept with you when you were 16 and he was an adult. There seems to be major issues there and it sounds like you yourself see a problem now with his behavior when you were so young. You are intending to stay in the relationship so that would need to be addressed by you.

 

The porn issue - well to be completely honest I don't understand the line you are drawing. You have porn. When you watch it are you comparing your boyfriends to the men on screen or are you fantasizing?

If you are fantasizing - it doesn't have anything to do with not wanting your man, does it? It is the same thing for him.

 

If you are okay with porn, why does it matter if you are there when he is watching or not? The same thing happens. You say you have your own porn - why don't you bring it over and enjoy it together? If it is part of your alone time and part of his alone time why not bring it into your time together?

You may feel less threatened by it.

 

And Showtime? C'mon, that is barely above R-rated. It is not like he put on something hardcore - even if he did - you were sleeping and he felt the 'need' - perhaps tell him he wake you up instead.

 

All this said, and considering what you wrote about owning and watching your own porn, I don't see what the big deal is.

[megnog]

I do watch porn. Probably not nearly as much as he does, but its not beef with the porn. Its that I don't want to watch him watching it. I am insecure and yes, I think he compares those women to me. Lets face it, if he could have me or some sexy girl with a "rockin body" for one night, he wouldn't be picking me. Watching anything with a woman showing loads of skin makes me feel uncomfortable because I began wondering what hes thinking. And its not something I can just stop doing, I just do it. I imagine he is thinking how I am not even comparable to these women. trust me, I'm not stupid. I don't believe that guys don't compare, because how could they not?

 

As far as watching porn together,

He has even said so himself that he doesn't want to be one of those couples that watches it together. I don't know why not. Infact, my last serious relationship, my ex and I watched porn together. I'm not even positive why it bothers me now, it just does. Maybe because I've put on some more weight. Either way we don't enjoy watching porn together and I don't think we ever will. I can't get turned on by watching my boyfriend get turned on by these porn stars. Sorry

[Art_Critic]

trust me, I'm not stupid. I don't believe that guys don't compare, because how could they not?

 

I don't compare.. Porn is exactly that.. Porn.. My GF isn't a Porn Queen or there for me to masturbate to.

I make love to her.. I love and respect her..

I don't make love to a Porn Queen or love and respect her...I masturbate to her

 

There is a difference to how a guy views the women in a Porn and the way he views his SO.. The problem lies in the fact that you have an insecurity that won't allow you to see or believe that about him.

[Island Girl]

I don't compare.. Porn is exactly that.. Porn.. My GF isn't a Porn Queen or there for me to masturbate to.

I make love to her.. I love and respect her..

I don't make love to a Porn Queen or love and respect her...I masturbate to her

 

There is a difference to how a guy views the women in a Porn and the way he views his SO.. The problem lies in the fact that you have an insecurity that won't allow you to see or believe that about him.

 

 

Exactly Art_Critic!

 

Men do not compare the girls on the screen to us. They just DON'T.

 

Women get caught up in the comparison thinking - it preys on our insecurities if we let it.

 

A guy masturbating to porn is not the same as making love to his SO. It just isn't. There is NO emotion in it. There isn't any longing or residual feelings about what was just on screen. It is minutes of being in a different state of mind that is in no way threatening to a relationship.

[megnog]

Well then I wish it didn't get the best of me so bad! It has actually been really bothering me whenever I see those damn girls gone wild commercials (which is like every other commercial when you watch comedy central at night). its so stupid too! i know it is. i just can't manage to break out of myself and not let it bother me. i really wish there was some kind of medication i could take to not let it bother me so much. some kind of relaxer, because i stress about the stupidest things and care so much for no reason.

 

I appreciate your guys' advice. I just hate my body and seeing a perfect one, or lots of perfect ones wearing nothing really digs into me. Sometimes I'm not even sure why he is with me. But I guess thats a completely different story

[whichwayisup]

I don't make love to a Porn Queen or love and respect her...I masturbate to her

 

Sickly, that is f**k'n hilarious!

 

Masterbation and porn is fantasy. A hot way of getting off...He doesn't want to share that, which is cool as long as it's not affecting your sex life.

 

Now, if I woke up to my hubby watching porn and he was hard as heck, I'd POUNCE on his cock and ride him till the cows sung MOOOOOOO.

 

PLEASE do NOT put yourself down or compare yourself to those women in porn. Have that self confidence in yourself...

 

Your reasonings for viewing porn, his reasonings for viewing porn, shouldn't take away your love for eachother..Remember that.

[Island Girl]

All you need -- no magic pill -- is a boost of self-esteem.

 

You said you gained weight and it makes you insecure. If that is the case then you can do something about it and lose the weight. Exercising gives you endorphins that make you feel great and you will be way less insecure.

 

Start acknowledging all that you are instead of what you aren't.

 

We are our own worst critics. So don't buy into the negativity in your head, don't beat yourself up, and whenever you feel yourself sinking into the "I am less than" mentality take charge of it and refuse to do that to yourself.

 

You'll get better - it'll help you with a lot of things not just the porn issue

[whichwayisup]

I know I'm nothing like the gals in porn. I can't fvuck like them, I probably can't give head like they can...But ya know what? I don't want to. They don't know the secret in's and out's of my husbands body...I do.

 

Good advice by IG. She's right, build up your self confidence and don't compare yourself or put yourself down to anyone - Let alone girls in porn flicks.

 

Yuk! Just think how many times they have to douche!! LOL Or have HIV tests done...How sore they probably are half the time. How stupid they look while 'screaming and panting' having that big ol' fake orgasm!

[megnog]

Thanks for the replies.

 

I do actually go to a gym once or twice a week. I'm trying to go more often...

but even if I lost the weight, I still wouldn't like my body. anybody ever heard of stretch marks?

Plus last time I lost weight, my boyfriend screamed "youre flat" as a reaction while we were fooling around... not a great thing to say at that time.

 

anyway it doesn't affect our sex life. and I'd love to see my bf get hard from some chick on the tv and then me jumping on it, but I could never do that. I would just feel hurt that he would watch porn when I was around. It sounds pretty damn stupid when I read that, but thats just how I am.

 

you know what though? I feel like if we had just started dating and began doing that from the beginning of the relationship, I would feel a lot better for some odd reason. But after three years of me giving him crap, or just him knowing it bothers me, I feel like I can't help it! weird...

[Carbine]

I JUST don't want to be in the same room when hes watching porn, is that so hard to ask???!

No, it's not. If you're not comfortable with it, then he should have enough respect for you not to force you to be subjected to that stuff. Regardless of what your issues are with porn.

I wanted to tell him how I felt and get angry but whenever I get angry, and let him know, I tend to drag it on for hours and then he, inturn, gets angry at me. Anyway what really makes me mad is when he found out I had porn of my own. He flipped his **** getting all angry saying he doesn't want his girlfriend looking at other guys dicks!

Is there a slight chance he might be doing that just to imitate your behaviour, in an attempt to get you to back off a bit? My ex would do this, but unfortunately did a very shoddy acting job, so it did nothing to convince me!

Watching anything with a woman showing loads of skin makes me feel uncomfortable...

Stop right there! This is the crux of things. No need to try and justify or explain yourself. If his behaviour is making you feel this way then it's not acceptable.

I imagine he is thinking how I am not even comparable to these women. trust me, I'm not stupid. I don't believe that guys don't compare, because how could they not?

I totally agree! Despite what most men seem to say, I just cannot see the logic behind the act of not comparing porn actresses to their SO's. It just doesn't make sense. There's probably no point arguing this over with him though, in my experience it's been a complete waste of time. You probably won't be able to make him stop watching porn in his own time, but make it clear that you're not going to be subjected to it any longer when you're with him.