How to stop being miserable?

[Lights]

I'm feeling increasingly miserable due to doubts and frustration about my career, job prospects, and life in general.

 

I've been getting increasingly frustrated with my line of work; I know I do not want to continue programming (I couldn't progress at it even if I wanted to--I'm tired of it and also just not talented at it. Going for a master's in computer science or the like would certainly destroy me), and financial-services-related stuff doesn't seem to really interest me. It's gotten to the point where I no longer even know if anything interests me at all. I'm quite well paid at the moment and have decent work hours--that and the fact that I'm pretty much unhireable for anything else at a salary that will support me in the major city are the reasons why I've stayed these years. I'm sick of this suburban life and work.

 

It's gotten to the point that I've considered quitting soon even if I don't have anything else lined up (but that would give me trouble in paying the rent).

 

I would like to find my proverbial passion, in something in which I have genuine talent and can excel to the point of becoming a brand of it (kind of like the way some people become media personalities and set up and/or become serious money-drawing brands in themselves doing what they enjoyed, even though they aren't necessarily in a high-powered or high-paid line of work), hopefully without burning myself out in the process, and having enough time in my life to have more actual friendships, some actual relationships, and all, and to continue improving myself (for all my time in the gym, I still have a long way to go fitness-wise; I could become more educated, see more of the world and find more adventure in my life while I'm still young and single [27], or who knows what else).

 

Not knowing what direction to take (because I've lost interest in pretty much everything) is wrecking me inside; I can no longer bring myself to do much of anything besides go to work, eat, sit and mope, anxiously call up friends, and sleep. Even avocations I once was interested in are worthless to me now; I can't bring myself even to work out or do other avocational things I once was interested in, for it's all merely empty diversion now (I can't clean-and-jerk or jump-rope my way into a new career, nor find a new city or country to live in via X-Box).

 

As far as steps to take against this goes, I've been looking online for career counseling, but I don't know what's going to come of it so far.

 

Anyways, I've done enough whining for now. If any people here have been in a similar situation and have found solutions, or if anyone here has successfully found a dream and 'followed their dreams', I very much welcome your thoughts and experiences. I'd like to not continue falling apart.

[phyrespryte]

Sounds like you're burnt out to me.

I'm not sure what to tell you to do. I felt like that a couple of months ago and dropped out of school. I'm going back on Monday. Not sure how that'll turn out.

 

This is kind of crazy, but have you thought about bartending? I mean you're financially set and you've got some extra time. You could do it on the weekends.

 

It could be fun. Plus you'd get some practice with socializing, meet some interesting people, you'd definitely meet some girls and for sure get hit on. I know you're probably past the club scene, but I'm sure it'd be a refreshing change.

[In Liquid Wonder]

I totally understand the burnout you're feeling. I recommend talking to a counsellor or therapist - they can help you get out of feeling so crappy, first of all, and can then help you assess where your strengths are to find a new career.

[Lights]

Sounds like you're burnt out to me.

I'm not sure what to tell you to do. I felt like that a couple of months ago and dropped out of school. I'm going back on Monday. Not sure how that'll turn out.

 

This is kind of crazy, but have you thought about bartending? I mean you're financially set and you've got some extra time. You could do it on the weekends.

 

It could be fun. Plus you'd get some practice with socializing, meet some interesting people, you'd definitely meet some girls and for sure get hit on. I know you're probably past the club scene, but I'm sure it'd be a refreshing change.

 

Yeah. I'm not burnt out per se (my life's actually quite comfortable, given the pay and hours, so this isn't really burnout in the sense of work stress), just frustrated to hell with this situation is all and tiring of the life paths or lack thereof that are truly open to me.

 

Good luck in school, Phyrespryte.

 

I'll consider doing the bartending, but that'll have to be after I find out what to do for a main line of work, where to live, how to parlay whatever I do into something wealth-creating for my future, and so on.

 

I totally understand the burnout you're feeling. I recommend talking to a counsellor or therapist - they can help you get out of feeling so crappy, first of all, and can then help you assess where your strengths are to find a new career.

 

I'll definitely look into this, In Liquid Wonder.

 

 

 

If anyone else has stuff to say, please post up also. I would very much appreciate it.

[lonelybird]

Hi I've been there myself before. so I understand what you feel right now. Even I had good career, good family, I could not feel happy. There was always a void inside of me. I tried to make plans for my career, to find men to fill that void, but none of them worked. once I was suicidal (if I did, people would be shocked as I looked good outside). Until one day I realize only perfect love can fill that void, and material and person's love just cannot do it as people always fail you no matter how kind they are. and to me, Jesus's love is perfect love. if you have it, you will have all passions to follow your dream, your perspective for life will completely change. it is amazing journey. anyway I hope you will find yours.

[Curmudgeon]

The first place I'd start is with a thorough physical and an assessment for depression. The mood you describe sound like the flattened effect that often accompanies a clinical depression. However I'd first rule out any physical cause.

 

If it is depression and you receive treatment you might find that your mood lightens up, you become more animated, things don't look so bad and you can then really plan ahead.

[Lights]

Until one day I realize only perfect love can fill that void, and material and person's love just cannot do it as people always fail you no matter how kind they are. and to me, Jesus's love is perfect love. if you have it, you will have all passions to follow your dream, your perspective for life will completely change. it is amazing journey. anyway I hope you will find yours.

 

Lonelybird, I congratulate you on your life changes.

 

The thing is, I'm sure that religious understanding can help as a means of self- and, if applicable, community-support as one does follow one's dreams. I've just lost them all. I don't know how to tell what I'd actually like anymore.

 

The first place I'd start is with a thorough physical and an assessment for depression. The mood you describe sound like the flattened effect that often accompanies a clinical depression. However I'd first rule out any physical cause.

 

If it is depression and you receive treatment you might find that your mood lightens up, you become more animated, things don't look so bad and you can then really plan ahead.

 

I'll look into this, Curmudgeon. What sort of planning ahead do you mean?

[lonelybird]

What do you mean "lost them all"? anyway TBN tv channel helped me a lot at that time. I did nothing but watching it everyday.

Maybe you need a big change in your life? maybe arrange a trip to the place most close to the nature, which is a quiet place to allow you find your deepest passion? maybe a trip to Africa:p ? do something out of your imagination...I mean positive things

[Lights]

What do you mean "lost them all"?

I lost all my dreams and the ability to dream. I have no idea what I would really like nor any idea about what I'm actually talented enough at to excel at enough anymore.

 

 

anyway TBN tv channel helped me a lot at that time. I did nothing but watching it everyday.

Maybe you need a big change in your life? maybe arrange a trip to the place most close to the nature, which is a quiet place to allow you find your deepest passion? maybe a trip to Africa:p ? do something out of your imagination...I mean positive things

 

What is TBN tv?

 

A big change in my life is definitely required. I can't live like this anymore. In an ideal situation I'd be out of this entire region, have found something I really like and am good enough at to eventually be able to make it big in it, and be on my way to that within the year.

 

I've thought of quitting and taking time to travel and/or go vagabonding, but what I can realistically do after that besides more of what I'm doing now is in question--a change of scenery is good, but I don't want to merely buy an costly and hireability-derailing escapist fantasy.

[NearlyThere]

I'm feeling increasingly miserable due to doubts and frustration about my career, job prospects, and life in general.

 

I've been getting increasingly frustrated with my line of work; I know I do not want to continue programming (I couldn't progress at it even if I wanted to--I'm tired of it and also just not talented at it. Going for a master's in computer science or the like would certainly destroy me), and financial-services-related stuff doesn't seem to really interest me. It's gotten to the point where I no longer even know if anything interests me at all. I'm quite well paid at the moment and have decent work hours--that and the fact that I'm pretty much unhireable for anything else at a salary that will support me in the major city are the reasons why I've stayed these years. I'm sick of this suburban life and work.

 

It's gotten to the point that I've considered quitting soon even if I don't have anything else lined up (but that would give me trouble in paying the rent).

 

I would like to find my proverbial passion, in something in which I have genuine talent and can excel to the point of becoming a brand of it (kind of like the way some people become media personalities and set up and/or become serious money-drawing brands in themselves doing what they enjoyed, even though they aren't necessarily in a high-powered or high-paid line of work), hopefully without burning myself out in the process, and having enough time in my life to have more actual friendships, some actual relationships, and all, and to continue improving myself (for all my time in the gym, I still have a long way to go fitness-wise; I could become more educated, see more of the world and find more adventure in my life while I'm still young and single [27], or who knows what else).

 

Not knowing what direction to take (because I've lost interest in pretty much everything) is wrecking me inside; I can no longer bring myself to do much of anything besides go to work, eat, sit and mope, anxiously call up friends, and sleep. Even avocations I once was interested in are worthless to me now; I can't bring myself even to work out or do other avocational things I once was interested in, for it's all merely empty diversion now (I can't clean-and-jerk or jump-rope my way into a new career, nor find a new city or country to live in via X-Box).

 

As far as steps to take against this goes, I've been looking online for career counseling, but I don't know what's going to come of it so far.

 

Anyways, I've done enough whining for now. If any people here have been in a similar situation and have found solutions, or if anyone here has successfully found a dream and 'followed their dreams', I very much welcome your thoughts and experiences. I'd like to not continue falling apart.

 

Well when I was 24 I was doing a job I thought was great but felt like doing something different. A friend and myself decided to go to a kibbutz in Israel. I stayed on the kibbutz in Israel for 6 months, as an au-pair for a further year working for a family and then Switzerland for 6 months. This gave me a break from my day to day routine a chance to really experience a different way of life. Obviously i'm not too sure Israel is the ideal place now for this kind of sabbatical but there are many countries out there, go work and travel at the same time. If you have the money and no ties to keep you in one place, clear you mind of the day to day trivialities and go for it. Also not suggesting you become an au-pair, another friend of mine travelled extensively. Fishfarm in Iceland, Kangeroo farm in Australia, Au-pair Canada.

 

On another note, Computer Programming is not for all, I ended up in IT after my far away trip. I thought I wanted to be a programmer, but did not find it stimulating enough once I had finished the training. I became a technical support analyst instead, talk to new people every day, learn new skills most weeks, look at new technologies frequently, found a way that my analytical brain and chatterbox tendancies can be combined into a job.

 

All the best.

[lizzielou]

lights, i'm going through something very similar. i'm burnt out (even though my hours and pay aren't really a problem) and at a dead end. here's what i'm considering:

 

- moving to another part of the country for a year or two. possibly doing something totally different than what i do now -- even if it means taking a lower-paying or lower-level job

- going to a career counselor; taking an aptitude test

- going back to school for a grad degree (not necessarily in the field i'm in now)

- taking various classes at a community college (anything that you might find interesting)

- looking for another job, whether you're serious about it or not

 

i hope these ideas help. good luck!

[lizzielou]

sorry meant to mention one more thing: volunteering. you said you wanted to travel for awhile ... organizations like the peace corps can send you around the world AND it looks really good on your resume.

[lonelybird]

I lost all my dreams and the ability to dream. I have no idea what I would really like nor any idea about what I'm actually talented enough at to excel at enough anymore.

 

 

 

 

What is TBN tv?

 

A big change in my life is definitely required. I can't live like this anymore. In an ideal situation I'd be out of this entire region, have found something I really like and am good enough at to eventually be able to make it big in it, and be on my way to that within the year.

 

I've thought of quitting and taking time to travel and/or go vagabonding, but what I can realistically do after that besides more of what I'm doing now is in question--a change of scenery is good, but I don't want to merely buy an costly and hireability-derailing escapist fantasy.

 

TBN is a Christian tv channel in USA, which is broadcasting around the world. I am in Asian but I can watch it also. In the beginning I thought in the tv they are bunch of crazy people, but I love them.

Okay, I know what you meant go vagabonding. But if you don't go out of your box, how can you know what is out there? I didn't mean a luxurious trip, that won't help you. maybe a very different place that you are alien with. a poor country only for several weeks...that will change your whole perspective for life

Most people don't know what they are most good at, so people keep seeking, and seeking, if they don't find it, they won't be happy. I am still seeking though, maybe half way

[RecordProducer]

You sound depressed and lonely. You are apparently not the 5-9 type of working person. You picked the wrong career and now you feel stuck. You'd like to do something creative and flexible. I think you shouldn't leave your job until you decide what to do next. You have a well paid, nice job that you happen to hate. Endure the pain until you have clear idea of what you're going to do.

 

You obviously need to switch to another occupation. It's not so difficult as you might think. If I were you, I would first visit a therapist about my miserable feelings. Then I would do a thorough research on what types of careers are available/sought in the market. Then I would decide what my future occupation would be and get training or additional education in that field. You might even get another degree. Nowadays you can do it online and statistics show that online degrees are no worse than regular ones, because you get the grades at exams and the teachers or employers don't care how you got the knowledge as long as your grades are good, that is if you obtain the diploma.

 

Do you have talents in art? Are you a good writer? Do you like working with people? Ask yourself many question. You also have books and brochures available about choosing a career. Feel excited about it and get to work. You need to keep the job to pay not only for the rent, but also if you want to continue with your education. Being an expert in computers will help you a lot in whatever you choose to work. Good luck!

[Guest-new]

I feel exactly the same way.

 

What made me feel a bit better was a conversation I had with my much older brother, who was is more successful than I am career-wise.

 

You know what he said to me when I told him how I felt?

 

"There comes a time when ANY job will %^&^ you off, no matter what you're doing or how much you get".

 

That made me feel better.I felt like I was just going through a phase, sort of growing up a bit despite being an adult for so long.I felt like this was just one of those things you have to endure,part of the voyage.I think it's ok to feel like this---our jobs really shouldn't define us they should just be paychecks.

[RocketMan]

I thought I wanted to be a programmer, but did not find it stimulating enough once I had finished the training. I became a technical support analyst instead, talk to new people every day, learn new skills most weeks, look at new technologies frequently, found a way that my analytical brain and chatterbox tendancies can be combined into a job.

 

 

Im in the same situation. Your job sounds interesting to me! Can you give me some more details?

 

Cheers,

 

Rocketman

[Lights]

Thanks very much for all the responses everyone.

 

I've tried to keep up with it--sorry if this is the length of the bible.

 

You sound depressed and lonely. You are apparently not the 5-9 type of working person. You picked the wrong career and now you feel stuck. You'd like to do something creative and flexible. I think you shouldn't leave your job until you decide what to do next. You have a well paid, nice job that you happen to hate. Endure the pain until you have clear idea of what you're going to do.

Well, I wouldn't necessarily mind the current 8-6 that badly (many job types see worse). I had the career essentially picked for me by bad luck (in being chronically jobless despite my education and efforts) and nepotism (which saved me from the joblessness). I don't know if I have what it takes to even start in a creative profession (I'm no musician or artist, and I've always been a pretty poor writer).

 

You obviously need to switch to another occupation. It's not so difficult as you might think. If I were you, I would first visit a therapist about my miserable feelings. Then I would do a thorough research on what types of careers are available/sought in the market.

I'll definitely look into visiting a therapist. How would one do the kind of research in question?

 

Do you have talents in art? Are you a good writer? Do you like working with people? Ask yourself many question. You also have books and brochures available about choosing a career. Feel excited about it and get to work. You need to keep the job to pay not only for the rent, but also if you want to continue with your education. Being an expert in computers will help you a lot in whatever you choose to work. Good luck!

I've never had any experience in a line of work that involved working with that particularly many people (I work alongside one to a handful of software developers and I bother other groups for data, so that's some teamwork but that's it). I think at least for a short time in my life, I'd like to try working with people (this is a lonely life as it stands, but then again no one said I necessarily have to alleviate loneliness via work. Nevertheless I still would like the experience.). I don't really know what I'm talented at at this time--I've long ago lost the advantages I once had over my cohort.

 

Thanks, RecordProducer.

 

"There comes a time when ANY job will %^&^ you off, no matter what you're doing or how much you get".

I think it's ok to feel like this---our jobs really shouldn't define us they should just be paychecks.

Theoretically, I agree (and that quote certainly does seem to describe my feelings quite a bit). I liked the idea of work-life balance and in not being defined by my job (those are concepts which I've always lived by), but in the world these days it seems that to have any chance at excelling in anything enough to really become powerful enough, one seems to need a near monomania. ("Finding your passion" is the current jargon for it.) I just wish I could find out what I could do well that I really like and that I'd seriously like to put that kind of time in as I move up big time in this world.

 

lights, i'm going through something very similar. i'm burnt out (even though my hours and pay aren't really a problem) and at a dead end. here's what i'm considering:

 

- moving to another part of the country for a year or two. possibly doing something totally different than what i do now -- even if it means taking a lower-paying or lower-level job

- going to a career counselor; taking an aptitude test

- going back to school for a grad degree (not necessarily in the field i'm in now)

- taking various classes at a community college (anything that you might find interesting)

- looking for another job, whether you're serious about it or not

 

i hope these ideas help. good luck!

 

sorry meant to mention one more thing: volunteering. you said you wanted to travel for awhile ... organizations like the peace corps can send you around the world AND it looks really good on your resume.

Thanks, Lizzielou. I've been considering these. I'll have to start looking for/interviewing some career counselors soon. Good luck to you too in your search!

 

Well when I was 24 I was doing a job I thought was great but felt like doing something different. A friend and myself decided to go to a kibbutz in Israel. I stayed on the kibbutz in Israel for 6 months, as an au-pair for a further year working for a family and then Switzerland for 6 months. This gave me a break from my day to day routine a chance to really experience a different way of life...another friend of mine travelled extensively.

 

Yeah, things like this was what I was thinking of as far as the vagabonding would have gone. I'm not sure if I'm a bit old for it though, but I'd definitely like to try it while I still have the chance.

 

On another note, Computer Programming is not for all, I ended up in IT after my far away trip...I became a technical support analyst instead, talk to new people every day, learn new skills most weeks, look at new technologies frequently, found a way that my analytical brain and chatterbox tendancies can be combined into a job.

 

All the best.

 

Thanks, NearlyThere. I'll probably have to do something similar (i.e. find something similar to what I can currently do but using other talents that I can find). Where did you hear about the technical analyst path and of its nature (that is, how did you find the way that your analytical brain and talking to new people could be combined)? All the best to you too!

[NearlyThere]

Hi Lights and Rocketman

 

Some answers I hope to your questions.

 

Well I work for an outsourcing company, which basically is a company which becomes many other companies IT department, sorry if you already know that and what else I am going to go on to describe, dont want to be patronising but also not make assumptions. Outsourcing is a bit of a dirty word really because sometimes when we become another companies IT deparment, it means the people in the original company become redundant or sometimes they become part of our company. There are many parts of our company, we host the actual servers or AS400's, ie the equip sits in our data centre, Comms equip etc, we are their helpdesk as in the all the users phone one number and log the calls and is then passed back out to the relevant place or we also provide technical support of some for which also encompasses projects or the day to day fire fighting.

 

The technical part of the company then divides into several sections, Comms, Server and Application Support, 1st, 2nd and 3rd line. Application support is sort of like the software part, like word, excel, or also AS400 application support which is like data entry for orders, EDI. I can only give you UK examples, dont know any US ones unfortunatley, if I did I might be able to get a job there, lol.

 

Now the sections can also split, you can work on a section and only deal with that one type of problems/issues/projects for many different companies, which is a cheaper option for the companies we support because basically you take you place in the queue as your call is logged.

 

The other section is what we call a Ring Fence Team, this is what I work on. We only support the one company but we support all the different types of problems that they could have, also 1st, 2nd and 3rd line support, so in one day, we could have a server go down, its up to us to determine if its comms related, site related, power related, router related. Couple of hours later one PC could stop working, again we determine whats wrong. Someone trying to enter orders into the AS400 system again we determine is it a security issue, data issue etc. So I find I have to use my brain to logically eliminate what the issues/problems could be. But obviously as we have to talk to the end user so it becomes fun, you get to speak to some interesting people, you have to assure these people you know what your talking about, even if you dont, lol, this breaks up the monotony of just analysing data and nothing else. As the people in my RFT only support one company, although its has over 500 plus employees, we get to know the people who log the calls fairly well. There are 4 of us on our team, it can be very hectic at times, we deal with over 60 calls a day sometimes between us and have strict Service Level Agreements to stick to, (will explain the further if anyone is interested who is still awake, lol) sorry if i've bored everyone by now. I have found the job very rewarding, never dread going to work in the morning, get a real buzz from it and get paid pretty well as well. I know 60 calls between 4 people might not sound alot but you have to talk to every one of those 60 people and let then know you have looking their problem.

 

Also you have to learn to prioritise, you might have Joe who cant print of his letter or a whole site who is not working so its obvious in that case who gets sorted first, but then Joe might be the managing director so you have to make a choice.

 

For anyone who is interested, I did NOT have a degree in ANYTHING, nor did I have particularly good qualifications at school. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time and meet the right person who saw that I was capable of doing more than I currently was, ie data entry. He knew I was interested in IT and told me there was a job in the masterfiles department, I applied and I got it, the salary was not much more that I was originally on but I got my foot in the door and sometimes that is all you need. I would also say that alot of people have joined our company recently, taking the calls in the support centre and within 3 months of joining have already moved on to 1st level support. I just pushed myself forward and showed interest in what I was doing and the business that I was in. From that starting point was able to move jobs and companies until I got to where I am and I might not be the top cog in the wheel, but we cant all be that and as I'm happy in what i'm doing, at the moment am satisfied.

 

Hope this is of use, again sorry to those who have fallen asleep, want to know any more then ask away.

 

Good luck to you!!!