precious99 Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 HI! I am desperately in need of some advice - I have been in a relationship with a great guy for just over a year and lately my insecurities have just taken over. I can't think of a reason why all of a sudden they would just flare up and nothing "huge" has happened between us to explain it. My self esteem has always been an issue for me and try as I might to overcome my demons they just won't die. I can see the effect it is having on my relationship and I am scared. I know that my boyfriend doesn't understand and when I try to talk to him about it he just gets angry - which has only made the situation worse. He says that he can't listen to me talk badly about myself and that he gets angry because I can't see how great I really am. But all I want is to talk about it.......am I wrong? I don't know what to do or where to turn. I have been trying so hard but I can't seem to get past it. It is destroying me emotionally. I am jealous of every little thing....I think that he has had better in his past and that he constantly compares me to them - not that he has given me any reson to think this at all. I have posted on something similar to this before and I got the regular "stop it or you'll drive him away" responses and I do realize this but I can't seem to control it. I'm hoping that someone who has experienced the same type of things can help me out with advice......or anything. It has progressed to the point where if I don't do something about it immediately I may as well kiss my relaionship goodbye. And while I don't want that - the biggest reason I want to stop this is because I want to like myself again....for me. Please help.... (By the way I am starting couselling but my 1st appt. is a month away) Link to post Share on other sites
Okeydokey Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 I had a boyfriend who used to get angry when I would discuss my insecurities with him. I think that is wrong. If you love someone then you should be supportive and do your best to make them feel better - not make them feel worse by getting mad. I feel that anger is often a sign of guilt and it has also been my experience that where there is smoke there is usually a fire. I trust my hunches/suspicions and I have never been wrong. I'm sort of disappointed in how your guy has treated you... he should be doing things to show you that you are secure in the relationship and that you have nothing to be worried about and if he kept it up long enough I think you would find that you stopped feeling insecure. Some bf feed off of insecurity and jealousy in their gf and actually do subtle things to foster and encourage it. Is your bf doing that to you? You sound very sweet to me and I'm sure that you are really fabulous and caring. I think you deserve a bf who appreciates you and makes you feel secure in the relationship. good luck to you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author precious99 Posted January 7, 2007 Author Share Posted January 7, 2007 Thank you for replying so quickly....my Bf really hasn't done anything (besides getting upset with me when I try to talk about it - he says that he acn't sit there and listen to me badmouth myself and he will never agree with me). We had several issues early into our relationship like him not wanting me to meet his friends - it turns out he was right they really were jerks - but I inturrpretted it to mean that he was ashamed of me. I'm accepting responsibilty for this being my problem as well taking on the onus of finding a way to fix it. It's funny how I can go most of my life (until this point at least) being or thinking I was well adjusted and confident - only to have it to all go to hell in so short a period of time... Link to post Share on other sites
lorr Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Thank you for replying so quickly....my Bf really hasn't done anything (besides getting upset with me when I try to talk about it - he says that he acn't sit there and listen to me badmouth myself and he will never agree with me). We had several issues early into our relationship like him not wanting me to meet his friends - it turns out he was right they really were jerks - but I inturrpretted it to mean that he was ashamed of me. I'm accepting responsibilty for this being my problem as well taking on the onus of finding a way to fix it. It's funny how I can go most of my life (until this point at least) being or thinking I was well adjusted and confident - only to have it to all go to hell in so short a period of time... First of all I want to commend you for finding the strength to seek counselling, and realising that you need help. It could be a variety of issues that need tackling.I believe once you find out the problem and start building up self-confidence everything will fall into place. Good luck and don't stress too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Carbine Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 I know where you're coming from. My relationship with my bf is now in tatters because of my issues with 'insecurity'. Even though you say he hasn't given you any reason to be feeling the way you do, I don't necessarily think that he's justified in flying off the handle at you. He really should care enough to take the time/effort and discuss with you the issues that are bothering you. And no, you're certainly not wrong in wanting to talk things out with him. Just try and remain calm and logical when you're talking, rather than getting all emotional. If you give him the impression that you're just being an hysterical female and flipping out over nothing, then the walls are going to go straight up again. Then it'll be twice as hard to talk to him the next time round. Link to post Share on other sites
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