Texan Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 Well, first off I'm new here. Stumbled across this site a few days and have come back to read and re-read the varying viewpoints. Thanks to the many individuals who have share their experiences. A little about myself... a few months over 50, reasonably good shape (although I still have about 10 vanity pounds I could afford to lose) with a shaved head. I've been told in the past that I'm attractive, but personally I don't see it. Anyway.. Twice divorced (first one by mutual agreement, second one when I found her cheating on me with multiple partners) and I've recently started dating again. I made a decision after my divorce to take time to heal. The cheating and lying affected me deeply and took the time-honored (though thoroughly stupid now, in hindsight) of crawling in a bottle for several months. Finally got my head back on straight and got out of it... quick. My issue is that I'm not finding any joy in the dating process. Oh, we go out and we have a wonderful time. Yes, I enjoy it while we're talking/dancing/having fun. But afterwards, the loneliness takes hold and I seem to just spiral. I've been blessed with several good friends of both genders (or multiple genders if you take into account the gay/lesbian/bi persuasions) who have been wonderful in being around when I need someone to talk to or just have a meal with. Is this normal? I've been so used to being part of a 'couple' that I'm not sure what normal is anymore. There are times when I feel a bit too 'rigid' for todays dating scene. I mean, I'm not a player by any stretch of the imagination. I was raised by both parents who instilled in me a respect for all people irrespective of creed, color, gender, etc. I have never cheated on anyone I've been with. I sometimes think that, perhaps, I am the epitomy of the 'nice' guy. I have a few of my buddies that attempt to persuade me that I need to change fundamentally into a more 'exciting' mode. Frankly, I would have no idea how to go about it. I know there is a lot of stuff I've left out of here. Mainly because I'm not sure what is relevant and what isn't. I just know that I'm tired of being lonely all the time. I can be sitting in a venue with a hundred people and feel completely alone. I don't know how to explain it better. Maybe with time I'll find the words, but right now it's just so tempting to throw in the towel and accept the "fact" that I'm alone and probably always will be. I chose to quote the word "fact" because I do not believe in my heart that this a reality anyone should have. Hope that makes sense. Well, I'm going to read some more here and see if I can find a way to illuminate the path ahead of me. Thanks for sharing your own stories on this site. This is one aspect where I don't feel so alone now. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 7, 2007 Share Posted January 7, 2007 yes its normal....you're just not ready emotionally to date again. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 I'm the opposite. I've been alone so long I don't know how to be with someone I just crawl into my cubby hole and be happy and content there. During work hours I deal with lot of people and talk to them so when I get home I need to just relax. No pressure, no stress. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 I just crawl into my cubby hole and be happy and content there. a "cubby hole" is always more fun with some broads running around once in a while Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 It sounds to me as though you're having some internal conflict - you don't want to be alone, but you don't want to jump fully into a relationship (which is very normal, and quite a healthy viewpoint). I think you need to give yourself time. "Date" women for friendships only. Don't look for anything else, but at the same time realise that life is about YOU and making yourself happy. Find things that fulfil you. I think only then will you be ready to commit yourself to another person (esp as you've been hurt before) Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 "Date" women for friendships only. i wouldn't recommend that. instead the OP should date woman for casual sex only and no relationship or commitment since he's not ready yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Zaira Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 i wouldn't recommend that. instead the OP should date woman for casual sex only and no relationship or commitment since he's not ready yet.Since when is a friendship 'committment'?? If he thinks he can handle uncomplicated casual sex, then I guess it's an option. I don't think it's great for someone who's emotionally confused at the moment though. Link to post Share on other sites
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