frannie Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Well I hope it does get deleted soon, because I don't like the threatening nature of much of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Well I hope it does get deleted soon, because I don't like the threatening nature of much of this. Isn't having an affair a confrontational threatening thing ? An affair threatens the stability of the marriage and family/home period.. We live in a world of cause and effect.. you have an affair you get a divorce Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Isn't having an affair a confrontational threatening thing ? An affair threatens the stability of the marriage and family/home period.. We live in a world of cause and effect.. you have an affair you get a divorce Sorry, I'm not entering into an intellectual debate about this. AP has come to this board to discuss her problems and for whatever reason, and in whatever way, her H (assumedly) has made his way here with his own issues. I'm not at all surprised that LS tends to delete these threads. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Well I hope it does get deleted soon, because I don't like the threatening nature of much of this. You're kidding right? Threatening nature? This guy probably saw his wife on this site and checked it out. Personally i think he is handling it just fine. I don't see threatening divorce as a threatening anything. She deserves what she gets going on about how in love she is with this other man. I don't blame her husband at all. Good for him. Personally i think confronting the neighbor won't do much but screw up his family too. I think aswerplease is reading much more into the neighbors actions. She even talked about prancing around in a negligee in front of him yet he didn't act on that. Personally i think the neighbor is just toying with her. Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Sorry, I'm not entering into an intellectual debate about this. AP has come to this board to discuss her problems and for whatever reason, and in whatever way, her H (assumedly) has made his way here with his own issues. I'm not at all surprised that LS tends to delete these threads. with his OWN ISSUES???? I think the Husband seems very level headed and realistic and has thought different options through. His issues are his wife is bored and having fatasies of sex with someone else and has chosen to publicly discuss it on a BB. HIS ISSUES as you say is his wife is UNFAITHFUL with HIS NEIGHBOR and FRIEND. I Link to post Share on other sites
Yesitsme Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 You're kidding right? Threatening nature? This guy probably saw his wife on this site and checked it out. Personally i think he is handling it just fine. I don't see threatening divorce as a threatening anything. She deserves what she gets going on about how in love she is with this other man. I don't blame her husband at all. Good for him. Personally i think confronting the neighbor won't do much but screw up his family too. I think aswerplease is reading much more into the neighbors actions. She even talked about prancing around in a negligee in front of him yet he didn't act on that. Personally i think the neighbor is just toying with her. HA HA - I like this board! We just talked- finally. AP and I will be fine. But we do have work to do, especially her. And no, I won't confront the neighbor - yet. Revenge is best served lukewarm. BTW, the neighbors wife confided to AP about 3 months ago at a game night that SHE actually (physically) slept around on an all girls weekend. Invited AP to come along next year - NOT. Karma. PS - This is teh last you will be hearing from yesitsme - this is AP's board. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 First, it would be in AP's best interest to verify that Yesitisme is really her husband. For the sake of discussion, I will. AP paints a different picture of your marriage than you just did. This would be a good place to begin counseling. Apparently it is not just because she sits at home without a job and nothing better to do than meet the next door neighbor. And no I don't condone that "affair"...not at all. But as I have read here and have personally experienced, affairs usually start as a result of a bad relationship. With women, it is because their emotional needs have been long neglected. After much yelling, pleading, and/or begging for change, they feel helpless and lost. As a man, I too would be angry and hurt. I would also be next door "talking" with that man and being sure his wife knows the situation. But as a man, we need to step back and own up to what may have caused such a sad situation. You have three (?) children under seven. It definitely is in their best interest to work at bringing this marriage together. It would be best to go to counseling and be honest with one another as to what each other's "faults" are. If there is adultery or close to it....if their is emotional or physical abuse...if there is simply avoidance of each other, then it is good to get it all out in the open and discuss it. Marriages can be salvaged from almost anything IF both parties are willing to be completely honest with one another and be committed to becoming a team again. I wish you the best...saving your marriage is a priority at least for your children's sake. Having four of my own under ten, I know what I have gone through to save their family from destruction. You can do the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Wow. Just wow. I loveshack this thread! Never, ever, ever underestimate a scorned BS AP this needed to happen. You really needed help. You can't do this on your own. I know you feel awful right now but you're blessed to have such a stand up guy who loves you and loves your kids and gives you so much. Now you can work through those changes together. Please keep us posted on your reconcilliation and the upcoming ass-kicking on the xMM. YEEHAW!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 I know you feel awful right now but you're blessed to have such a stand up guy who loves you and loves your kids and gives you so much. Umm...I understand your feelings seeing as to what you have experienced, RMD, but if I read back in AP's threads, H wasn't such a standup guy. That is a big part of why the next door neighbor looked appealing. Every one of us must realize that a large amount of affairs are a cry for help. And even when it is such a horrible way to yell for help, we must examine what went wrong in our marriage that caused such an affair to be possible. Many times women "fall into affairs" or rather choose to have an affair, it is because of emotional needs being unfulfilled or worse, she has been abused physically and/or emotionally. I certainly hope that this reconciliation happens and endures for AP's sake, her husband's sake..and most of all, for their children's sake. Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 In my experience, it's how a WS perceives the marriage to be so irreperably bad and of course, paints a sordid picture that it somehow justifies the affair to their AP for sympathy. It's almost funny (ironic, really) how all the good things about BS are downplayed and the BS is demonized, even after fifteen years of loyalty, hard work and self sacrifice. The WS had all the time in the world to mention something about it, to do something about it, but, the WS didn't. The WS arent exactly honest about seeing their AP, either. It's a foolish game they play until get caught in their own net they have set out for BS. How they can say a person like xMM is the one (soulmate) they desire when clearly they are equally not desirable, such as AP's xMM, and counting all the ways he mistreated her and took advantage of her. Crazy 'aint it? Having an affair is the worst thing a person can do to their partner. Their trust is betrayed and then it's used against them, as AP's husband put it, rubbed in their face? It's hanging on to all the pretty things while having a really good time at their expense. It's not mutual though. The BS is led to believe everything is fine to give WS the time to persue his or her outside interests. You can call it a cry for help. I call it lying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 Gosh! I was not sure how to reply to this thread! So much went on here while I was busy all day! As far as yesitisme DO NOT know the person! This is not my H. I amvery sure of that because while some of the detail's were correct many were not and it would not be a nice peaceful evening in my household if this were H. Who ever this individual is must have gone thru my post's, not sure why? perhap's a scorned BS in a very simular situation? Funny thing is something like this happened to me awhile back on LS, but it was some guest and it was written like he was MM. Anyway, I am pleased to report that I have found a new therapsit. I look forward to talking with her. I think half my problem with the last therapist was the fact that he was not offering the guidence that I need. I know this will get better, I am a strong person and I can do it. I wish you would all remmber that offical NC just started 4 weeks ago. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Then use the ALERT US link AP and ask the admin/mods to get the IP address, find out who the person is who pretended to be your husband. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Then use the ALERT US link AP and ask the admin/mods to get the IP address, find out who the person is who pretended to be your husband. I wondered if he was a phony.. not many brand new users use the invisible mode.. usually only someone familiar with the LS cp features knows about it.. I say that AP needs to report the lowdown action to the mods and let them do some research and ban the ip address. If yesitisme really isn't AP's husband then I would have to say that that person needs to get a life.. How screwed up is he ? He doesn't need LS he need's therapy.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Actually, when you first join I think it automatically sets you in invisible mode. HE or SHE...Maybe a previous scorned member on LS, just here making waves, who knows... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Actually, when you first join I think it automatically sets you in invisible mode. Who knows... but you are right that maybe a BS... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 I think it's just a fluke. Like I said I had a guest reply one time to a thread and it was written like it was from the mm that I was involved with it clearly was not. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I think it's just a fluke. Like I said I had a guest reply one time to a thread and it was written like it was from the mm that I was involved with it clearly was not. AP:) Fluke or not maybe you should use this as a wake up call. Your husband knows about your affair. Does he know you post here? Do you think he could put spyware on your computer? I don't get it either, if it's a scorned member or a BS as some are guessing why would "he" post that everything is fine and you had spoken together. Answerplease are you ok? I kind of get the feeling you really like drama. I still haven't figured out if you're for real. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 edited. OOp,s got poster mixed up ... my mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I can say that I was suspicious immediately. A BS would not have been so knowledgeable that quickly about the MM and not have already gone next door to set things straight. Especially if I remember AP's threads correctly, her H has a temper. Interestingly enough, an hour and a half later they had a talk ...and everything was great. Yeah right. But hey, we have to assume tha everyone here is honest and straightforward. RMD, sorry, I agree that an affair is a poor way to yell for help. And I would not want my wife to yell like that. But many times that is what it is...a cry for help. Unfortunately, it doesn't always produce the right answer. The WS is more guilty the BS. But when a BS becomes involved with friends, job, or hobby and forgets his or her spouse, then he or she must be aware that the spouse is vulnerable to an affair from some caring individual. As someone here told me...if you don't seduce your wife, someone else will. If the BS cannot face the fact that this affair is partly due to some fault on his or her part, then reconciliation is unlikely. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 Fluke or not maybe you should use this as a wake up call. Your husband knows about your affair. Does he know you post here? Do you think he could put spyware on your computer? I don't get it either, if it's a scorned member or a BS as some are guessing why would "he" post that everything is fine and you had spoken together. Answerplease are you ok? I kind of get the feeling you really like drama. I still haven't figured out if you're for real. noforgiveness, I am very much for real. I made a huge mistake in my life one year ago and now I need to fix it. When I say fix it I mean with my M. I think an "A" itself creates alot of drama, and yes, perhaps I did become addicted to that. Even though I was unhappy in my M, I was not looking for this relationship, but then as I fell into it it was like a pacifer is to a baby. It kept me pacified. It also took me away from the REAL work that I was to lazy to do, the most important work of all, my family and M. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 How many flukes like that happen on LS in the short time you have been here.. something isn't right.. Flukes ? I don't believe in Flukes.. that person posted for hours on only one thread... Link to post Share on other sites
Anka Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 You know I normally just lurk here, but Im coming out for this one. Something about this doesn't make sense to me. It could be possible that someone decided to mess with you. But then you say it has happened before on here, with someone pretending to be your MM? Come on, what do you do? Tell everyone you post here and what your handle is? And the way you post, you sound very much like a teenager. No offense, but with all the typos and whining I thought I was back in HS for a few minutes. IMO you are a drama queen, out for attention. Just my .02 cents. Carry on. ~Anka Link to post Share on other sites
Romeo Must Die Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 James, the responsibility for affairs rests squarely on the shoulders of the WS/AP. I never buy into the excuse that the BS forced them to do it, especially not with all the bullsh*it they heap upon the BS before, during and after the affair. I think all marriages (including reconcilled marriages) have their up's and downs, but if a WS blames BS for a failure of affection, then what do you call having an affair? Thats a cruel blow. A repeated cruel blow. As far as I'm concerned, whatever the spouse did to annoy the WS, the cheating partner got his or her payback. Times ten. I would say to the WS, no more sympathy for you, WS. You had your affair, you had your fun. You took a big ass chunk out of me for it, so enough is enough. Stop crying because you dont know what crying is. AP, if YIM is not your husband, then why aren't you more concerned about someone posing as him? If someone posed as my husband, I'd have them banned in a heartbeat, such as whichwayisup mentioned. I wouldn't call it a fluke I'd call it bullsh*it. Good luck with your new therapist and your battle to get past this nightmare. You're a good kid, I wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 AP, if YIM is not your husband, then why aren't you more concerned about someone posing as him? If someone posed as my husband, I'd have them banned in a heartbeat, such as whichwayisup mentioned. I wouldn't call it a fluke I'd call it bullsh*it. I think he might be the MM or someone she knows posing as the H.. that is why when he said he talked to her he said that this is AP's forum and he was gone.. That is why her reaction is off... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Meaplus3 Posted January 9, 2007 Author Share Posted January 9, 2007 James, the responsibility for affairs rests squarely on the shoulders of the WS/AP. I never buy into the excuse that the BS forced them to do it, especially not with all the bullsh*it they heap upon the BS before, during and after the affair. I think all marriages (including reconcilled marriages) have their up's and downs, but if a WS blames BS for a failure of affection, then what do you call having an affair? Thats a cruel blow. A repeated cruel blow. As far as I'm concerned, whatever the spouse did to annoy the WS, the cheating partner got his or her payback. Times ten. I would say to the WS, no more sympathy for you, WS. You had your affair, you had your fun. You took a big ass chunk out of me for it, so enough is enough. Stop crying because you dont know what crying is. AP, if YIM is not your husband, then why aren't you more concerned about someone posing as him? If someone posed as my husband, I'd have them banned in a heartbeat, such as whichwayisup mentioned. I wouldn't call it a fluke I'd call it bullsh*it. Good luck with your new therapist and your battle to get past this nightmare. You're a good kid, I wish you well. Romeo, I agree it is bs. However, I have enough to focus on right now. If YIM post's anything again pertaining to my situation than ofcourse I would do something about it. The most important thing for me right now is to focus on the major issues that I have in my M.Xmm is Xmm and it shall remain that way. For a entire year now all I have really done here is cause pain for myself, H and children. Time for me to change my thinking habit's and move on. Yes, I know there will be times when I am confused and lost, but I can make thing's right again because I choose to.Thank's for your support. AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
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