hardknocks Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 it doesn't seem that you hate small talk as much as you are VERY shy. maybe perhaps.. a little too shy. you may have a disorder called social anxiety. you may want to consider finding a therapist and possibly receiving medication. there are proven treatments for the chronically shy out there. and im not talking about the regular shy but when it goes beyond normal. when you shake at the hint of contact with the opposite sex, that is not very normal. and could be at the heart of your problems. the belief too, that only good looking guys get women is a distortion.. look around guys!! sit in the park or the mall an LOOK - there are total duds with good looking women and vice versa everywhere. controlling your thoughts is the first step. Link to post Share on other sites
FallenTree Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 insecurity/low confidence is a turn off to most women Yeah that is for sure. I dated a guy like this, and I always felt as though I had to give compliments especially more than I did...it's like insatiable insecurity, bah. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I think the key isn't small talk, the key is your level of comfort around women. You're just not very confident right now. Clatan actually introduced a technique that can work - just as long as you keep it in the friends zone, that is. Try talking to women - any woman - and just start getting comfortable around them. "Taken" women - be they in a relationship or married or whatever - are probably a safe place to start because typically, you both realize it's not going anywhere. Besides, you never know...a taken woman might actually have un-taken friends! That situation might be easier for you to deal with. I wish I could tell you some slick techniques to improve your situation, but there aren't any. You have to start talking to women and get comfortable doing it. Find a female bartender and just chat her up - she gets paid to do that anyway. Don't ask her out - 99 times out of 100 she's got a boyfriend. Just develop a rapport. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Wait...where's ALPHA MALE?!?!?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
Trystero Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 it doesn't seem that you hate small talk as much as you are VERY shy. maybe perhaps.. a little too shy. you may have a disorder called social anxiety. you may want to consider finding a therapist and possibly receiving medication. there are proven treatments for the chronically shy out there. and im not talking about the regular shy but when it goes beyond normal. when you shake at the hint of contact with the opposite sex, that is not very normal. and could be at the heart of your problems. the belief too, that only good looking guys get women is a distortion.. look around guys!! sit in the park or the mall an LOOK - there are total duds with good looking women and vice versa everywhere. controlling your thoughts is the first step. Actually, I myself have the same problem, and I've heard of these "proven" treatments, but I have yet to hear specifics. I know cognitive behavior therapy is one technique, but I have yet to hear much about what medications are supposed to help (and I'm a bit skeptical about these medications, since I've been seeing a psychologist for nearing six months and have yet to see a serious change). Link to post Share on other sites
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