goodguy123 Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 So me and my ex have been talking a little bit lately, and we have been apart for about 4 months. If you read some of my other posts you might know some of the back story. But anyway, after talking today I finally got it out of her that she wants to come back, but she is scared to leave her new boyfriend because she says he's never done anything wrong. And also she said she is scared to come back and if things didn't work out she said she would have ruined it with her new boyfriend. So what should I do? I am just so confused, because i love her so much, and she wants to come back, but I don't know what to say to her to make her leave this guy. Please Help!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 there is nothing you can say to get her to come back .What she told you is that she does not want to leave him . Link to post Share on other sites
paris38 Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 This doesn't sound like true love for either you or for the other guy on her part. She just wants a "backup plan." If she was madly in love with her current boyfriend, she wouldn't even consider getting back together with you. If she were madly in love with you, she would not think twice about leaving her boyfriend. She doesn't seem to care which one she's with as long as she has a boyfriend. Maybe, however, she is saying "Hey, I want a REAL commitment, buy me the engagement ring and let's set a wedding date, then I'll come back." I don't know, I think she is very undecisive and doesn't really love either of you. Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Geez, Paris, what is your thing with engagement rings? I'm sorry, but I don't think that proposing is the right way to get back with someone. Goodguy, if this girl doesn't want to leave her bf, it's because she doesn't want to be with you more than she wants to be with him or maybe that she doesn't want to be with you more than she wants to avoid hurting his feelings. I think it might mean she doesn't have confidence that things with you would work and doesn't want to be back to square one if things with you fall apart. I would give her space to figure things out for herself. Another thought--she's in a relationship, and your interference isn't fair to the other guy. If you back off you're doing the morally correct thing, and you're also giving her room to think about what she really wants. Link to post Share on other sites
Nanachu Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 I am not saying that it is right, but some people are not with someone because they love the person a lot. They try to see who is the best for them, who loves them more, who treat them better, you know? You should probably have tons of married couples and/or BF-GF who selected their significant others with those reasons over their feeling (or they might say their love grow when you are with those who love you more). Anyway, if she is doing that, she needs tons of reassurance from you. and You need to be the type of who can provide. Many of girl friends are like that. Being with who treat them nice with love is more important than their own love to them. Those need strong, confident, mature guys who do get scared when they feel like they love their GFs more than they do. They know what to do. They have answered and told her through right now without stopping by this website.... I am not saying that you are wrong to be confused, but you seem like you do not have any clue. Some people posting questions here come up with their plans and asks for third person's view. Some people do not know what to do at all and just want someone to solve the issue for them. If you are the latter, a person like her could be a bit risky for you.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author goodguy123 Posted January 8, 2007 Author Share Posted January 8, 2007 Thanks for the response everyone. And chryssy you are right. She did tell me that she was scared that things might not work out with us. I am pretty confident that they would work out, we just have to fix a few things and I am more than willing to and she knows that. I just don't know how to convince her that we can make it work. Anyway, I was thinking of writing her a email telling her how I'm feeling about everything, or do you think I should just not write her and give her some time? Link to post Share on other sites
chryssy83 Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Hey, I don't think you should write her an email right now. Hold off for a while so you both have more clear heads. I'm not necessarily saying you SHOULD contact her later at all...just take some time to let things process in your heads. Link to post Share on other sites
Cub Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Right-o, that means she doesn't want you but doesn't want you to go away, just in case things don't work out with this guy. It's always nice to have a safetynet, you know. Give it up dood. Even if she did come back, at this point, I doubt it would last long. She sounds too immature, especially if she's even thinking about leaving a good relationship to head back to a failed one. (no offence) Move on. If she really wants you back, then make her work for it. Link to post Share on other sites
jusified Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 Seriously mate, your partner is suppose to support and love you 100%. If she's not going to do that then she's not the one for you. This girl now want to leave her new bf?? Would she stay with you in the long term?? Is this fair on the new guy?? She sounds like trouble, you deserve someone better. Don't hang on to something that isn't good for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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