Guest Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 My wife mentioned something to me the other day. She said that when we were first dating it bothered her that my mother occasionally would talk about my old girl friends. I told my wife that "was what my mom said, I never said anything". Reasonable enough, I thought. What bothers me is that when we were first dating, my wife would talk about her ex boyfriends quite a bit. She even gave me details of sexual encounters. I never asked her for that information. At the time I didn't bother myself with it because I was falling in love with her. But those things she told me has always bothered me a bit. My question is: considering she brought up the subject of MY ex girlfriends, would it be okay to bring up what she has told me about ex boyfriends? My fear is that bringing it up, even though it bothers me, will make thing worse. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Could be that she didn't even realize she brought them up, or more along the lines of maybe she didn't feel it would bother you. Or..it could be to, it was purposly done since your mother brought up your past g/f''s and it was kind of like a jealousy tactic on her part to bring up her exs.. You all are married now, and I would think it best that talk of old b/f's and g/f's should remain in the past, but if it really bothers you, ask her about it. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 What exactly is it that you want to bring up about her ex-boyfriends? You already know what she's told you about them, and you already know that has bothered you. What do you want to know now? I think you'd be opening up a can of worms you will deeply regret opening. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Ghandi said "An eye for an eye would make the whole world blind." Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 8, 2007 Share Posted January 8, 2007 Yeah, I think you are all correct. I don't think any talk of the subject will do any good for anyone. I guess I saw an opportunity to bring up past things that bother me from time to time. And nothing good could come out of it. Too bad we can't un-know things, eh? Link to post Share on other sites
Flyin in Clouds Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Yeah, I think you are all correct. I don't think any talk of the subject will do any good for anyone. I guess I saw an opportunity to bring up past things that bother me from time to time. And nothing good could come out of it. Too bad we can't un-know things, eh? wrong. If something is bothering you, you need to talk to her about it. First, you both have to have enough trust and faith in your relationship that you can talk about anything to each other. Keeping the "hurt" secret won't do your relationship any good. But remember she gets to dump her hurts on you too. Be honest with each other. Always. Talk heart to heart. Second, if you don't talk about what bothers you burying it won't make it go away. It will likely resurface later. So what in particular bothers you about her past boyfriends? The number of them? (more than your number of ex girl friends) The things she did with them that she hasn't done with you? And eye for an eye is the wrong attitude toward discusing what bothers you. It's about letting your partner, the one that loves you, know you are hurting so they can try to help you not hurt. You need to do that for each other. Don't you? If she was hurting or bothered wouldn't you want her to tell you so you could try to fix it. You don't want her to suffer in silence do you? Link to post Share on other sites
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