Drama of cheating

[ellie1977]

I posted a thread about a month ago about finding out that my boyfriend of almost 6 years had been intimate with someone else. Long, drawn-out story in a nutshell: We have been going to counseling, he has been tested for STDs, I'm going to counseling, he got beat up pretty badly by the husband of the woman he was intimate with, my boyfriend wants to be with me and I want to be with him. We haven't had sex since I found out (I'm just not ready yet) but we have been intimate (kiss-y stuff). He says it was a stupid mistake and that he did it because she made him feel good about himself. We're trying to work through this rollercoaster as openly and honestly as possible.

 

Here's a couple of my problems:

I keep thinking about the events leading up to the one-time cheating and all the time surrounding it. (He cheated about three months ago) I keep trying to think about what he was like with me....was there an obvious sign? I haven't figured that out yet.

Even though we've agreed to go forward from here, I find myself digging through things to see if I can find more evidence of cheating. Even after I made him tell me every grusome detail of the disgusting event. He told me there have not been any more women or any more events other than the one. I haven't found anything more. I hate that I've turned into this person who has figured out passwords for online things trying to find more information about his cheating past.

If I'm going to make this work out, I need to find a way to let go and I have no idea how to do that. Anyone have any words of wisdom?

[JackJack]

Its not uncommon for people who have been betrayed to keep wondering or digging to make sure you found out everything you need to, or to see if they are dong something again that they shouldn't. This is something that just happened, so the wounds are still fresh. I think its great you all are in counseling. Time is what will hopefully help you to let go of what happened if you both are willing to make another go of it.