abusive friend

[Angel]

I am in a pickle and really don't know what to do. My boyfriend and I socialize lightly with another couple. They have been dating for a year and have a lot of problems. I try to stay out of it completely. I once told her what I thought about the situation, and she knows how I feel---because she asked for my opinion. PERIOD My feelings are not important --they are casual friends and their problems are theirs. My boyfriend works with his brother.

 

The problem: she just called me and told me that their problems escalated and he tried to choke her and he hit her. She called the police and is placing a restraining order on him and the police are looking for him, etc. etc. She told me that if I ever spoke to him again she wouldn't talk to me.

 

How should I behave the next time we see him? Cordial, ignore him, amicably? My better sense says to be cordial --any suggestions?

[Bill]

Completely ignore the guy. If he tries to talk to you, let him know why you are not going to talk to him. He doesn't deserve to have someone talk to him.

[Elizabeth]

hmmm..that's a difficult one.

The best thing you can do is advise her to leave him.

You do not have to "take sides" when you see him. The problem is within their couple, and it should be solved there too.

Give her advice, tell her to get out because obviously she needs to, but also tell her that you ignoring him in social occasions is not the sort of help she needs. It won't do her any good at all. Maybe it will even make matters worse because he could ask her why you've suddenly gone cold on him. When he finds out, he doesn't sound like the kind of guy who will sit down and think "gee, I might have done something wrong here".

She's the one who must stand up for herself and leave this nutter. it's the only way to deal with abuse. Any indirect manoeuvres lead to aggravation.

Well, that's my opinion...

~ Liz ~