2 great months and now heart-break

[Soraca]

Hello all,

 

For anyone who read and /or replied to my post... I have a quick update.

I felt compelled to send her an email...it had been just over three months since we last saw each other. Granted, I have been living my life and going out on some dead-end dates.

 

Anyway, I sent her an e-card that I thought she would like. In it, I basically said hi, I'm thinking of you, and asked if she'd like to meet up for coffee sometime soon.

 

Her response was positive... she was very appreciative of my gesture and said that we should meet up for coffee sometime soon, when the weather warms up a bit. She didn't specify a day and time but neither did I when I asked her.

 

I'm wondering if her response is for me to read into... like not yet but soon? Let's face it, the weather doesn't have to warm up in order to meet someone for coffee.. but if she had no intention of wanting to see me again, I am confident she would let me know somehow. Because she already did so when she told me she needed time alone to heal.

 

My instincts tell me to wait a few weeks (2-3) and if I don't hear from her, send her another email, being more specific about a get-together.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Thanks!

[johnnytable]

Sounds like she is not saying yes but she doesn't want to say no either. When the weather warms up? What does that have to do with anything?!

[Soraca]

Maybe that is for me to interpret, read between the lines? I agree of course that the weather doesn't factor in here. I sense it's almost like a "let's meet up soon". As I said before, she let me know in the past when she didn't want to be bothered. So perhaps it is like you said, not quite a yes, not quite a no.

Maybe I should have waited another month or so? Well, what's done is done.

 

Either way, I'll need to get a solid answer from her...so I figure I will contact her again in a few weeks if I don't hear from her first. If we do get together, I will tread lightly, not pressure her, etc.

 

I just wanted some thoughts \ opinions.

 

Thanks Johnny.

[mental_traveller]

My concern is "doing" all that I can to get her back.

 

I will reach out to her in a few weeks, maybe I'll wait a month. Just saying hello, thinking of you...keeping it light.

 

So right now I think I'll give her a few weeks to a month, then if I don't hear from her...I'll call or email her. I'll see how she responds. Then take it from there. Perhaps after a few contacts from me, she MAY start thinking of me and reach out to me. All I know is it is worth a shot.

 

I think this is a bad idea. Saying "thinking of you" is not keeping it light at all, rather it's a meek, passive and clumsy attempt at "fishing". She'd probably respect it much more if you were full on, or did not contact her at all (instead waiting for her to contact you, as she requested).

 

Look - either she is into you or she isn't. If she isn't, then you're not getting anywhere. If she is, then believe me she will let you know when she is ready. Furthermore, if you wait a while and then get impatient, it's far better to come on strong than to effectively lie by pretending to show a friendly interest.

 

Finally, with that philosopher's dictum, I can't help but thinking you are trying to distort it to support the decision you have already made up your mind on. Yes, we shouldn't be afraid of looking foolish, if that is necessary to get something we want. But that doesn't mean that everything that looks foolish is necessary, does it? Sometimes something looks foolish because it *is* foolish.

 

My advice would be to play it cool for twice as long as feels comfortable. Then, if you must, call her and don't try to be friendly, but instead come on strong and say you really want her, insist on meeting, give her a time and place and say you will come round to pick her up (maybe joke that you are coming whether she likes it or not). If she's remotely interested then she will probably go for it. That's far better than this wimpy "friendly hello" business.

[mental_traveller]

But on the flip side, maybe just maybe, my continued interest over time may get her attention and have her realize I'm something special?

 

The way I see it, I'll regret not trying. At least I won't have any regrets.

 

Nope. If you keep reminding her you will just delay her getting over her ex, and you'll appear clingy. You will probably put her off more than get her interest. Trust me, if she likes you then you'll be in her head anyway, people don't forget strong attractions easily, no reminders are necessary.

 

Your regrets don't matter. You are not trying to "not regret" something; you are trying to maximise your chances of her wanting you. The way to do that is to avoid frequent reminders and instead let absence make the heart grow fonder.

 

Edit - just read your update. Well, she sent a lukewarm reply, basically the "weather" comment meant "I still like the idea of meeting at some point - but just not now". The reason you got a lukewarm reply is IMO because you contacted her instead of waiting for her to contact you.

 

I think you have two choices. Either remain patient and wait for her a decent time (like 2-3 months), then *call* her and arrange a date; or just date around and wait for her to let you know when she is ready. Personally I'd try the second option. Really I think you are in danger being a bit too clingy & desperate here. Because you've been restrained so far, it has not actually put her off - but if you push things it might do. Keep to the path of restraint, and I think you'll be rewarded.

 

Also let's face it, you would have much more fun if you kind of forgot about her and just dated around. This is the trouble with being really into someone who is not that into you.

[Soraca]

Thanks for your input Mental Traveller. I don't agree with everything you wrote but I appreciate it none-the-less.

 

She is a very traditional girl and I'm not so sure she would contact me first. I think since I already asked if she'd like to meet up soon for lunch, coffee, etc., I'll give it a few weeks, and if I don't hear from her, I'll call her and give a specific day-time for getting together.

 

And she knows what I meant by asking if she'd like to get together to say hi...she knows my true intentions. I just don't want to come on too strong right now or pressure her...my female friends all agree that would be a mistake...since she's likely being cautious right now, due to her past. Maybe that also is why she threw in the "weather" comment? But at least she didn't say no or make up some excuse.

 

Thanks again.