How often do you get together with MM/MO?

[bonehead]

I think it is harrassment because everytime she post her familiar opinion ( wouldn't be NF if she didn't ), he is quick to call her harsh, or cruel, or say that her thoughts are unnecessary. Her opinion might not be wanted or welcomed by some, but it is certainly necessary.

 

If NF feels I am harassing her I am sure she will let me know. She knows she is more then welcome to call me on the carpet for anything I post As is anyone else.

 

I have NEVER said her thoughts were unnecessary. Far from it.

[Romeo Must Die]

Here let me help you out.

 

Reading the posts (as an outsider of an affair) this thread in and of itself implies a limited contact with your AP and alludes to the collaboration of sex.

 

collaborate verb: to participate or assist in a joint effort to accomplish an end < they collaborated together to finish the job more quickly >

 

The phone calls and the tm's are prerequisite of sex with the AP.

 

prerequisite adjective: something that is necessary to a beginning, or to the carrying out of a function.

 

So, if this thread in and of itself implies booty calls (in a rather boastful manner) and someone makes a little comment on that, then really, what does it matter.

 

[sb129]

Most of the time threads like this are started to calm an OW/OM mind about what's normal, or acceptable. Truth is, most people in regular relationships wouldn't accept this. The married couples that do it, either no longer prioritize their marriage, or they know that they will be coming together at the end of this hectic season.

 

They sure are. Some of the OW here should read the thread started by the W's or H's of MM/MW having the affairs. As an ex OW I can totally relate to some of the OW posts on here. But after dumping my MM and getting a bit of perspective- man. I don't want to preach, but I am so over it. Being an OW sucks. Its demeaning, belittling, bad for your self esteem, bad for your street cred, bad for everything.

Thats MY 2 cents. I know not everyone agrees.

 

It always amazes me when someone can't see what they are doing to themselves when they settle for stolen time with a MM. You may not like the way NF says it, but in any language you are disrespecting yourself by letting someone treat you that way.

 

Why settle for being second? If you love someone, you should be able to tell the world and spend all the time you want with them. You deserve better than waiting for some MM to sneak away from their wife. And, the wife deserves better than having her husband lie and cheat behind her back.

 

Damn right herenow.

 

Check out this thread OW's. Not for the dyslexic, its a long one.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=108906

[bonehead]

I will use a situation I was in at work once.

 

 

Got called to a nursing home to pick up a patient who had been sick for a few days. There was some confusion with the nursing staff as to where the patient was going. One nurse said the Dr said the patient was a direct admit, another nurse said patient was going to the ER.

 

The Dr was still in the building. One of the nurses got ahold of him. He came down the hall screaming his resume at me telling me that going to the ER was the same as a direct admit and what the hell did I know I was just a paramedic.

 

I got suspended for 3 days, and my meaning was lost with the first few words that came out of my mouth.

 

I told him to get over his god complex and rejoin reality. Every thing I said after that was lost to him. Even though I knew there was a difference between a direct admit and a patient goingto the Er, even though other staff members knew it, he wouldnt listen because I had already made him mad with my comment

[sadbuttrue]

I will use a situation I was in at work once.

 

 

Got called to a nursing home to pick up a patient who had been sick for a few days. There was some confusion with the nursing staff as to where the patient was going. One nurse said the Dr said the patient was a direct admit, another nurse said patient was going to the ER.

 

The Dr was still in the building. One of the nurses got ahold of him. He came down the hall screaming his resume at me telling me that going to the ER was the same as a direct admit and what the hell did I know I was just a paramedic.

 

I got suspended for 3 days, and my meaning was lost with the first few words that came out of my mouth.

 

I told him to get over his god complex and rejoin reality. Every thing I said after that was lost to him. Even though I knew there was a difference between a direct admit and a patient goingto the Er, even though other staff members knew it, he wouldnt listen because I had already made him mad with my comment

 

good point bh, and by the way i know the difference between direct admits and the er, and there is a big difference. us nurses wold much rather the pt stop in er first anyway you are right nf is a little rough with her speech, but i think deep down she thinks she is doing a good thing for us "uneducated" OW. i think she thinks she is educating us on proper conduct

[norajane]

anyway you are right nf is a little rough with her speech, but i think deep down she thinks she is doing a good thing for us "uneducated" OW. i think she thinks she is educating us on proper conduct

 

Actually, I think she's trying to jolt OWs to look at their situations from a different perspective, and to be honest with themselves about what they're getting out of an affair...maybe to consider if what they're getting is really enough.

 

For example, you wouldn't consider it a good relationship if you were dating a single guy and only saw him for an hour per weekday to have sex. So why is it acceptable if it's a MM that you're doing that with? Aren't you still the same person with the same desires, hopes, wishes, dreams to be with someone for more than that?

 

I could go on and on trying to diplomatically say the same thing that can be encompassed with a "gee, is he leaving money on the table too?" type of comment. It packs a punch and if you are stuck in inertia, a blow might knock you out of it.

 

At least, that's what I imagine NF is trying to do...

[sb129]

Me too NoraJane. And thats where I am coming from too. As an ex OW who has "seen the light" so to speak.

[noforgiveness]

Thanks noididn't, norajane and sb you are correct about my motives.

 

It's so frustrating for me to watch women destruct like this and let them be so disrespected.

[lovernotafighter]

Thanks noididn't, norajane and sb you are correct about my motives.

 

It's so frustrating for me to watch women destruct like this and let them be so disrespected.

 

 

lookie lookie where is the cookie!

 

suddenly the stalker is the stalkette... I at least hope!

 

so I shall invite you to pull my finger NF .. go ahead PULL IT.

[noforgiveness]

lookie lookie where is the cookie!

 

suddenly the stalker is the stalkette... I at least hope!

 

so I shall invite you to pull my finger NF .. go ahead PULL IT.

 

You seriously need help.

[lovernotafighter]

You seriously need help.

 

I lover you too NF..sorry I have to leave you for now my dear but perhaps we can cuddle tomorrow...what do say?

[Romeo Must Die]

^^^

 

Do not reply to this noforgiveness. I have just reported Lover's comments here (and the other one on AP's thread) to the mods. Let the chips fall where they may.

 

[Guest]

I was just wondering how often OW/OM get together with the MM/MW? For the record, my MM and I see each other nearly every day except for the weekends - for at least 1 hour (in which time we achieve a lot ). We also sms and make phone contact every day. Works well for us!!

 

Sounds alot like the relationship with my EX-MM! I was a jerk for him, it lasted almost two years until we got caught. I am thankful its over, it taught me to never short change myself again. I can't believe that somedays I still miss the *******... he was an addictive!

[lorr]

I was just wondering how often OW/OM get together with the MM/MW? For the record, my MM and I see each other nearly every day except for the weekends - for at least 1 hour (in which time we achieve a lot ). We also sms and make phone contact every day. Works well for us!!

 

Good grief how bloody sad! I have to say I really pity you. For you to boast about the little time that you get with a MM is hilarious.

This MM definetly sees you and his wife as two big time fools even though he isn't going to work up the nerve to say it to both of your faces.

 

You should spend time building up your self-esteem, rather than catching "stolen moments"from an arsehole who doesn't mind having his cake and eating it.

Wow you and MM "sms and make phone contact every day". Must be the highlight of your life.

 

 

[Shoestring]

Gee sorry to have opened a can of worms - my question was a simple one. The comments about being a hooker - they don't offend me in the least. I am very happy and content the way I am and I find it is people who are insecure about themselves that make the most noise. BTW I was not gloating - I was seeking input from OM/OW (which is what I thought this forum was for)!!

 

I actually enjoy my relationship with my MM - it works for us. It is not always sex, he and I enjoy the intimacy of our relationship - sometimes we just like to hold each other. We have also never said we love each other.

 

I was married 20 years and it was a bad marriage. I now focus on me. I do not want a man around my place 24/7 - I do like sex - good sex and this relationship serves that purpose. I don't have to wash his clothes, cook his dinner, etc and he doesn't have to mow my lawns, paint the gutters, etc. The 'hour' I spend with him is quality time. The text messages tells me that he is thinking of me so what is wrong with that??

 

I have my own home, have teenage children who are independent of me and now I am looking after ME. I know this relationship could end tomorrow and so does he. I would rather have a quality hour with him than years and years of a miserable marriage.

 

No doubt there will be a flurry of replies - that's fine. As my first post said, I was just wondering.

[GreenEyedLady]

I was seeking input from OM/OW (which is what I thought this forum was for)!!

 

Yeah, WE all thought that what it was for too...

[cbl]

Gee sorry to have opened a can of worms - my question was a simple one. The comments about being a hooker - they don't offend me in the least. I am very happy and content the way I am and I find it is people who are insecure about themselves that make the most noise. BTW I was not gloating - I was seeking input from OM/OW (which is what I thought this forum was for)!!

 

I actually enjoy my relationship with my MM - it works for us. It is not always sex, he and I enjoy the intimacy of our relationship - sometimes we just like to hold each other. We have also never said we love each other.

 

I was married 20 years and it was a bad marriage. I now focus on me. I do not want a man around my place 24/7 - I do like sex - good sex and this relationship serves that purpose. I don't have to wash his clothes, cook his dinner, etc and he doesn't have to mow my lawns, paint the gutters, etc. The 'hour' I spend with him is quality time. The text messages tells me that he is thinking of me so what is wrong with that??

 

I have my own home, have teenage children who are independent of me and now I am looking after ME. I know this relationship could end tomorrow and so does he. I would rather have a quality hour with him than years and years of a miserable marriage.

 

No doubt there will be a flurry of replies - that's fine. As my first post said, I was just wondering.

 

I meet with mine whenever he's in town. Going to the movies, reading books ad having dinner together, spending the nights at his place or mine. I am happy with that arrangement. Not that I am content with what he can offer, but this is also what I can offer at this moment.

 

He sometimes complains that I don't have all my time for him when he's in town. But I have different ways of looking at it. We need to have our own space to grow, to bring new perspectives into our relationship. And I believe this applies to ALL relationship. Including marriage.

 

When one is involved with MM, many people would assume she has low self-esteem and is seriously in need of help. Can't the situation be different? Truth is, even when one is involved with a single guy, it could be their dating pattern to just meet an hour a day during the weekdays, whatever the reasons are; busy, away over the weekend, long distance, whatever. I am not saying this to justify my involvement with an MM but I understand being with a MM I have to focus on "me".... and I am totally happy for OP that she is independent, looking after herself and knows what she is doing.

 

This thread draws my attention because of this back and forth discussion on the implication of comparing a OW with hooker and other topics associated with it. Funny that the other day my MM's W wrote me a letter and said that she knew I am still in touch with her husband and if her husband wants sex and a woman can give it to him then she can not stop it. She could be comparing me with a hooker (as she pretended to be a strange girl and called me one before already) but I do not want to over analyze this statement because to me this particular A is all about getting the needs met - his sexual needs as well as my other needs. Not all the OW wants to get married and live happily ever after with her MM... just a different way to look at an A.

[lorr]

Gee sorry to have opened a can of worms - my question was a simple one. The comments about being a hooker - they don't offend me in the least. I am very happy and content the way I am and I find it is people who are insecure about themselves that make the most noise. BTW I was not gloating - I was seeking input from OM/OW (which is what I thought this forum was for)!!

 

I actually enjoy my relationship with my MM - it works for us. It is not always sex, he and I enjoy the intimacy of our relationship - sometimes we just like to hold each other. We have also never said we love each other.

 

I was married 20 years and it was a bad marriage. I now focus on me. I do not want a man around my place 24/7 - I do like sex - good sex and this relationship serves that purpose. I don't have to wash his clothes, cook his dinner, etc and he doesn't have to mow my lawns, paint the gutters, etc. The 'hour' I spend with him is quality time. The text messages tells me that he is thinking of me so what is wrong with that??

 

I have my own home, have teenage children who are independent of me and now I am looking after ME. I know this relationship could end tomorrow and so does he. I would rather have a quality hour with him than years and years of a miserable marriage.

 

No doubt there will be a flurry of replies - that's fine. As my first post said, I was just wondering.

 

You really are hilarious (my sides are hurting with so much laughing)now you are trying to say that those who make the most noise are insecure. If anything your post reeks of insecurity.

 

Fair enough you've been in a bad marriage for 20 years, but what makes you think its"OK" to gravitate towards an arsehole MM who can't even be bothered to work on his relationship with his own wife? Regardless of the situation if he doesn't want her he should simply not be with her.(So the coward in him keeps quiet)

 

Obviously your marriage must have messed you up big time, and from your post it seems that you are trying to convince yourself that you don't need a man around 24/7 to cook,clean,etc.

Maybe if you took the time to build up your self-confidence and learn to be self sufficient you would not feel the need to justify getting involved in a triangular relationship with a man who seems not to give a damn about his marriage vows.

Its alright you saying that you have a home and that your independent. So if thats the case there are plenty of single men out there who do not want to be in a serious relationship.(So why not look for them instead of a MM?)

 

BTW I was in an abusive relationship and also the OW in a past relationship years ago(not with a MM, but with a man who was with his partner for over10 years). My abusive relationship went on for years and when It ended, I hooked up with the man who I worked with, and like you I would convince myself that this was what I needed to be in a "safe" relationship with no ties, and I even started believing it:laugh:. It took me quite a while to wake up and smell the coffee, and when I looked within myself, I realised that I was living a pathetic lie, and I also looked at him like the loser and coward he was.

 

The best thing I did was to get rid of him even though he was sprouting crap about missing me, thinking of me etc. But what he missed was the convenience of having his "cake and eating it", and me being the "footstool" to hold him up when things were not going right at home.

 

Sorry to laugh at you, but truth is I have been there and done that. It is the most nerve wrecking experience and when you put up this "front" that your strong and won't get drawn in you inevitably do(its just a matter of time).When things also dissolve you end up back to square one, and its not a nice feeling.

 

Being single, independent and carefree, working on improving myself each day, and knowing what I will and will not put up with in a future relationship is definetly the way to go.Rather then putting up a front, being non-chalant, cocky and deluding myself that getting involved with a MM is satisfying.

 

The forum is about support/discussion of the OW.I know that we all are not perfect and end up in impossible situations, so some people on here will find it tacky including myself when you boast and brag about when and what you get up to with your arsehole MM.

 

[frannie]

I actually enjoy my relationship with my MM - it works for us. It is not always sex, he and I enjoy the intimacy of our relationship - sometimes we just like to hold each other. We have also never said we love each other.

 

Well I'm glad you came back to deal with the worm spillage

 

I was going to comment on the 'one hour just isn't enough, where's your self-respect' responses by saying that you the OP didn't claim to be in a deep, fulfilling relationship with your MM. So why all the noise..? Because people on here will use any angle to trash the affair and what it is, whatever type of affair it is.

 

So you get an hour and you're happy with it. No one else's business. Well, no one on this message board's anyway.

 

Now, since you were looking for OW input, here's my situation at the moment. I get to see him on average two days a week. That's two whole days and nights. This week he arrived Tuesday evening and he'll leave here Friday afternoon. No doubt this is apalling because he's 'neglecting' his children and W while he's here. Well I don't like that either, but after he leaves the marriage it will be exactly the same, and before I came on the scene it was exactly the same. The nights and weekends when he's there he takes them to their activities, does homework with them, takes them to films and the game, and gets to every parent evening at the school.

 

Anyway, that wasn't really your question, but I know that I don't get the 'money on the nightstand' comments: I tend to get the 'he's neglecting his children' comments, hence the pre-emptiveness.

 

So, I get to see him, cook dinner, go out, watch movies, read books, do the dishes, go for walks, have lie-ins, smell his morning breath (why's that always such an issue?) take out the trash and just about anything else that 'normal' people in 'normal' relationships do. When we're not together he calls two or three times a day. Weekends I hear next to nothing because he's busy with family things and rightly so.

 

But still its not right, because he's still married. And I'm tired of that, but it's changing soon, so until then I try not to sweat it and take each day as it comes.

[Romeo Must Die]

Its never about the sex is it? LOL Just a movie buddy, huh? Is that it?

 

[frannie]

Its never about the sex is it? LOL Just a movie buddy, huh? Is that it?

 

Hey I never said there was 'no sex'.

[Romeo Must Die]

I wasnt responding to you sweetness, I meant that in response to shoestring. Just lol'ing to the responses for the hell of it and waiting for my coffee to kick in. I'm not a morning person.

 

[Shoestring]

Dear Lorr

 

Maybe if you took the time to build up your self-confidence

 

Thank you for your comments, even though I don't agree and glad you had a side splitting laugh at my expense. You seem to have a lot of bitterness in you which requires attention. Why do you type in bold? Are you yelling at me?

 

My MM has given me so much self-confidence. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy. When I am ready, I will be looking for someone to settle down with, but I so enjoy my current situation. As I said before, it works. I have no illusions that there is no future in this relationship, but it is good for me NOW.

[lorr]

Dear Lorr

 

 

 

Thank you for your comments, even though I don't agree and glad you had a side splitting laugh at my expense. You seem to have a lot of bitterness in you which requires attention. Why do you type in bold? Are you yelling at me?

 

My MM has given me so much self-confidence. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy. When I am ready, I will be looking for someone to settle down with, but I so enjoy my current situation. As I said before, it works. I have no illusions that there is no future in this relationship, but it is good for me NOW.

 

Believe me there is absolutely no bitterness or attention seeking on my part whatsoever, as I have moved on from that years ago, and I am extremely happy thank you very much. FYI I always type in bold, so please do not take this as me yelling at you.

 

Just a few questions. How has it taken a MM to give you self-confidence when you are supposed to build self-confidence on your own?

Do you believe that he should put in more effort and pay more attention to his wife, as opposed to you?You say you enjoy your current situation, but whats the deal with the MM?

If you've been through a bad marriage, why would you entertain the idea of dealing with a MM who is also destroying his in the process.

 

Again do not take this as me attacking you, as this is not the case, it would be interesting to know your take on this.

[pricillia]

wow how thrilling for you. You get ONE HOUR with someone who loves ou a day. So do you go on dates, go to dinner, shows, concerts? Ooops o i'm sure not. With an hour you don't have time for anything but a quick screw a day.

 

You must be so proud of your relationship. Does he leave money by the nightstand too?

 

 

 

NoForgiveness.

 

It seems that all you can think of is how the OW and the MM is as you call it "SCREW".

 

I think by your recent reply's to most of the other women here not me because I am not going to take it are down right nasty... yes nasty.

 

It seems that some of the OW who may be honest in thier posts you find just one thing and point out all of the bad things...

 

How is it possible for you to be anyother way in real life with all of your other relationships, please tell me you are not really like this in real life...

 

Finding fault in everything that people do is a great way to push people in your life away... Making people fear you is no way to learn and gain respect.

 

And if someone points out something that you have done that is unacceptable you just out up a cracking face smiley and say that you are just being honest... why not try using some tact instead, maybe people will listen and take the hardship that you have gone through to heart instead of dismissing everything that you say as rubbish!!!