How often do you get together with MM/MO?

[pricillia]

I tried to edit it, but the forum won't let me now. Don't know why. But yes, I think it is harrassment because everytime she post her familiar opinion ( wouldn't be NF if she didn't ), he is quick to call her harsh, or cruel, or say that her thoughts are unnecessary. Her opinion might not be wanted or welcomed by some, but it is certainly necessary.

 

That and NF never called anyone a hooker. It may have been implied, but that's even reading too much into it.

 

I took her to be saying, I hope you are getting more from him than just an hour visit where you get to show him attention and he gives you very little in return. And it is what it is. No point in trying to romanticize it. What man goes to a woman's house just to talk, when they had to sneak off to do it? I don't know any.

 

 

reading to much into it aren't we being too optimisitc here...

 

Then please tell me in what other profession does a man leave money behind on the table.... we all know what was implied here..

 

Harassing vs honest support and guidance are two totally different things

 

come on!!!

[bonehead]

Then please tell me in what other profession does a man leave money behind on the table.... we all know what was implied here..

 

Even my 78 year old mother said it sounded like the girl was being called a hooker.

[Shoestring]

Just a few questions. How has it taken a MM to give you self-confidence when you are supposed to build self-confidence on your own?

Do you believe that he should put in more effort and pay more attention to his wife, as opposed to you?You say you enjoy your current situation, but whats the deal with the MM?

If you've been through a bad marriage, why would you entertain the idea of dealing with a MM who is also destroying his in the process.

 

My self-confidence does come from within me, however my MM makes me feel good about myself so my confidence has risen. My exh put me down for years and years, and I had no confidence (and I allowed him to do this to me). He took my self esteme and I became his door mat. I have worked on me since my divorce (six years), and along with MM, get heaps of positive comments from males and females which have greatly helped me. My happiness now comes from within, which goes hand in hand with my confidence. I am now in my 40's and have never looked or been better.

 

With regard to his wife, he has been married over 25 years and I suppose he has reached the stage where he has tried and tried to engage her in what he does and a sexual way, and has now given up. We don't discuss his marriage much, but he won't leave due to financial reasons which I understand perfectly. He told me this right at the beginning of our affair.

 

Yes, my MM has his cake and eat it too, but as I said before this situation suits both of us. With regard to MM destroying his marriage, we have been seeing each other for 18 months. From what I gather, she has no idea of what is going on so I suppose as far as she is concerned, the marriage is as it has been for all those years.

 

Why did I go into this after my own bad marriage - it just happened!!

 

I have responded, however I doubt I have answered the questions to your liking.

[noforgiveness]

Even my 78 year old mother said it sounded like the girl was being called a hooker.

 

so does your mother think it is appropriate behavior to see a married man for ONE HOUR a day only on weekdays?

 

Please I don't think there is one person here except for original poster who can tell me this is a healthy relationship.

[NoIDidn't]

reading to much into it aren't we being too optimisitc here...

 

Then please tell me in what other profession does a man leave money behind on the table.... we all know what was implied here..

 

Harassing vs honest support and guidance are two totally different things

 

come on!!!

 

Yes, pricilia

 

I think you and bonehead and anyone else who read "hooker" into what she was saying is a little too eager to say that she meant the worst. I am an optimist, so of course I see the positive side of what she said. I make no apologies for your interpretation. She may very well have meant it the way you took it. Does that make you feel better? I doubt it. For one who is quick to call someone on negativity, you seem full of it lately.

 

And guidance is asking the tough questions, whether one agrees or not depends on where they are in their own growth as a person.

 

Frankly, I think all here should be glad that NF signs in with her own username and says what she honestly feels instead of some of the hit-and-run Guests that we sometimes get.

[NoIDidn't]

Then please tell me in what other profession does a man leave money behind on the table....

 

I don't know, maybe she's a waitress...

[My Fair Katie]

Even my 78 year old mother said it sounded like the girl was being called a hooker.

 

Well, I'm not 78, but I read it as her MM is ACTING like a John (stealing a moment for his own gratification for an hour and keeping it on the down-low--caring about his gratification and not about the emotions of all the parties involved, both knowingly and unknowingly) and treating this woman similar to a hooker.

 

I actually think it's pretty apt. Do I think the woman is ACTING like a hooker, NO, that's why it's so sad that someone would treat her like that. BUT, we don't know her whole story and if she is comfortable with her situation then what do I know. It wouldn't be enough for me to be a secret and to be called to the bedroom for someone elses needs. I also think all women deserve more and it makes me sad when my "sisters" settle for less.

 

I can ask my 80 year old father in law what he thinks, but he just got out of surgery and I shouldn't bother him.

[frannie]

Of course the implication was 'hooker' because who else gets their cash paid onto the night-stand..? But the point is there... it's a sex-only relationship. But so what? That's what the OP wants. That's what the MM wants. Would it be any better if either of them were hiring escorts..?

 

But I do find it interesting that a man and woman meet for sex and automatically she's the 'hooker'. Says a lot about how some people view sexual relationships. How about she leaves some money on HIS night-stand?

 

Whatever happened to 'equality'..?

[Shoestring]

Interesting comments about me being a hooker because MM and I see each other for an hour. We would spend more time together if possible, but it isn't. Where is the line drawn between being a hooker (or lover) for one hour, six hours, or the whole weekend. Aren't some hookers available to anyone for any length of time at the 'right' price? ? What then would differentiate me from a hooker or lover because of the amount of time I spend with him except for the fact that he doesn't pay me .

 

Ironically, the amount of time MM/MW and OW/OM spend together was my original question on this forum. Thanks to those who responded.

[pricillia]

Yes, pricilia

 

I think you and bonehead and anyone else who read "hooker" into what she was saying is a little too eager to say that she meant the worst. I am an optimist, so of course I see the positive side of what she said. I make no apologies for your interpretation. She may very well have meant it the way you took it. Does that make you feel better? I doubt it. For one who is quick to call someone on negativity, you seem full of it lately.

 

And guidance is asking the tough questions, whether one agrees or not depends on where they are in their own growth as a person.

 

Frankly, I think all here should be glad that NF signs in with her own username and says what she honestly feels instead of some of the hit-and-run Guests that we sometimes get.

 

 

I am an optimist as well, at the same time I did not read into anything.

 

I will not agree with attacking the OW, so if that means that I have not grown as a person, then that is fine with me.

 

So now I am being negative...I thought that you were an optimist.

 

Waitresses don't have nightstands, I should have been more specific.

[bonehead]

so does your mother think it is appropriate behavior to see a married man for ONE HOUR a day only on weekdays?

 

Please I don't think there is one person here except for original poster who can tell me this is a healthy relationship.

 

 

No she didnt. We wont get into what she said. Actually my mom holds a PhD in Psychology, so if I went into the issues she brought up with the poster I would have to get into the issues she saw with some of the responses.

 

We wont go there

[GreenEyedLady]

Shoestring: Welcome to the forum...Just wanted to say that you are welcome here and that as you already know, will get lots of different responses...but keep posting...pretty soon you will get PM privlieges and can talk more "privately" with others...

 

BH: LMAO

[frannie]

No she didnt. We wont get into what she said. Actually my mom holds a PhD in Psychology, so if I went into the issues she brought up with the poster I would have to get into the issues she saw with some of the responses.

 

We wont go there

 

.........

 

 

awww go on.

[NoIDidn't]

I am an optimist as well, at the same time I did not read into anything.

 

I will not agree with attacking the OW, so if that means that I have not grown as a person, then that is fine with me.

 

So now I am being negative...I thought that you were an optimist.

 

Waitresses don't have nightstands, I should have been more specific.

 

Man, this must really bother you. Maybe you should talk about that instead of continuing to try to make the same point over and over again. It was taken the first time. I just don't see the point in continuing to banter about it. I didn't say it. I didn't take it the way you did. I don't want to keep talking about it.

 

As far as professions where a man will leave money on a nightstand:

 

Room Service (no pun intended)

Masseuse

Residential Cleaning Services

 

And try to find the humor in the above list. Everyone here needs a good laugh.

[soinlove07]

Not sure what the current posts are about but to reply to the topice of the thread my MM and I right now see each other about once a year as we are thousands of miles apart. He is coming back to see me in a couple of months. It's tough and we miss each other terribly which is why we talk on the phone 2 to 3 times a day.

[pureinheart]

Hey Shoestring....glad to meet you, you sound like your about my age....

 

I am so sorry about the disrespectful comments....anyway glad to have you, as this is the OW/OM forum....

[Guest]

Soinlove

Sorry to be blunt, but your A (if that is what you call it) is going nowhere.

You se each other once a year and you think this guy is going to commit to you on the basis of phone calls and a handful of meetings. Get real.

 

He is probbaly bored at home and bored at work and calling you is a nice little distraction which doesn't put his marriage in any jeopardy.

This "thing" is dead in the water and you really do need to get your head round this and move on.

Tell him to stop calling you as you think there is no future in it. Then you will finnd out if he is serious as he will come to meet you.

I doubt you will hear from him again.

[bigblueeyes]

Listen, I don't think you can measure the nature of a relationship on the time people spend together. I spent more time with my MM than his wife did as they lived in different cities and he only saw her on weekends.

I still found it demeaning that he would leave me on weekends by myself and I was not satisfied with that and I said so.

[MustBeLove]

My MM and I work together so I see him every day most of the day. Then we spend 5 nights a week together. He has a place here in town. When he does go home, he doesn't leave in tell about 5:00pm and takes me about 2hrs to get home. Then he will wake up about 4:00am and come back to work. We also text before we go to sleep and then in the AM.

[Virgo1982]

Yes, on my thread, I found the other posters to be quite helpful, but it seems that NF gets her thrills by throwing her sarcasm all over the place.

 

I have to agree with BH...People don't communicate online the way they would if they were face-to-face.

 

We all have skeletons. We all have faults. Some of us have faults that are clearly visable. Others, you must dig beneath the surface...

[EnigmaXOXO]

Wow.

 

After reading what some folks are satisfied with in regards to 'quality time' and acceptable relationship standards … I have come to realize I am one picky, selfish, high-maintenance b*tch!

 

You know … even if you removed the "married" part for me, I could not even see myself wanting to invest so much of myself into a single guy who only took one hour a week; or one day out of his year to spend some real time with me.

 

Even if he were completely honest and upfront about dating other gals (or maybe just one other gal) I might be able to respect that decision and go along with it so long as he had the quality of character and integrity to let the other gal (and/or gals) know what the score was, too. However, while I might agree to hang out with him casually a few times, I certainly wouldn't crawl into bed with him not knowing if I were swapping bodily fluids with another woman/women who may not be so careful about her personal hygiene as I was. Eeeww!

 

So … I guess to add to my big list of personal faults, I'm a BIG germophobic too!

 

Now, let's say this guy (who I knew was seeing another woman) told me he liked me best. He was always complaining about the other gal he was dating … whining about how he wanted to break it off with her but couldn't find the nads to do it. Suddenly: at least to me, Mr. Studly Do-Right looks like weak little Wussy Boy. Instead of admiring him, I'd probably end up pitying him. While sympathy might inspire the female nurturer in me, and I might feel inclined to give him some sisterly advice, I certainly wouldn't feel the urge to rip his clothes off and boost his self esteem with a little Pity Sex.

 

Not unless he left a hundred bucks on the nightstand for the therapy session.

 

And if Mr. "I-Like-You-Best" proved it by spending the majority of his time with the other girl, and only making time to see me when he could fit it into their hectic schedules … I'd have to wonder just how sincere he was about those sentiments.(???) I'd also have to go and have my head checked to discover the reasons behind why I would knowing and willingly accept this kind of second-class treatment.

 

Maybe I just have WAY too much pride for my own good. But there is no way in H*ll I would ever allow a man to pit me against another female for the booby prize of his time and attention. I'm just not desperate or competitive enough for those silly games. Or maybe I'm just so full of myself that I don't believe that I should ever have to compete against my fellow female. And perhaps just a little naïve and idealistic in my beliefs that other women (and men) shouldn't have to either…

[sb129]

Bravo Enigma!

I liked that so much I am going to cut and paste it onto another thread........

[LittleWingedOne]

He sleeps over about 3 times a week

[dropdeadlegs]

Weird, I was just this evening wondering where all these married people get all this time to have affairs. So I appreciate this thread as I didn't have to start one of my own to satisfy my curiosity. I also admit to having a love of tabloid trash magazines, so I must be a voyeur of some kind.

 

Now I won't claim to understand the lure of an affair with someone who is married, but I won't bash anyone personally for participating in it. I've done/do things that people would not engage in themselves and I don't want to be bashed for my honesty. To each his own; I only have to walk in my own shoes, so I try to only worry that mine are comfortable for me. Infidelity isn't for me but it's been going on for a very long time, just talked about more now.

 

I see that some A's have much time constraint involved, which is what I expected. I also see that some have much longer stretches of time on a regular basis. I did not expect to hear that entire weekends are spent together, nor every weekday but normally excluding weekends. The married man spends the night? Didn't expect that. I definitely did not expect to hear that at least one wife knows about the A and writes the OW letters. How interesting it has been to learn all of this.

 

I do still wonder if it wouldn't be better to have limited or simply sexual relationships with a single man/woman. I know there are many who would not object and would probably enjoy a FWB. Is it because a single person could grow attached and you do not want the attachment? Is it about the thrill of having a secret lover? I am truly curious as that kind of relationship seems less harmful to others (wives, husbands, children) but please do not think I am judging. I'm interested as to the married partner choice versus a similar relationship with someone with, shall we say, less baggage, for lack of better words. Is it about love and you are planning a future with the MS? I realize there could be as many answers as there are posters as each situation is different.

 

I am curious as to the motivation because I feel certain I would feel guilty. Is that ever a problem for you?

 

Well, I have hijacked this too much as it is. Answer whatever you feel comfortable with. Or don't. I probably should have opened another thread anyway and it's certainly not anybody's obligation to satisfy the curiosity of a confessed gawker. Human nature is so interesting. thanks for letting me butt in.

[dropdeadlegs]

I just remembered that one of the most important points I wanted to make was that many of you see your married partner more often than I see my BF, but telephone and text communication is on an equal par. That surprised me very much. And I often engage in a booty call, too. It fills an empty hour.

 

Again, sorry to butt in.