Guest Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I'm writing in the hopes that somebody can relate to my situation and offer some insight. My boyfriend (who's also the father of my son) and I have been together for a few years. In the beginning, our relationship was picture perfect. My heart would flutter when I received a text message from him - I'd stay up all night thinking of him - I could barely concentrate on work I was so in love. We moved in together, had a child, and these wonderful feelings continued. I never felt this way about anyone before in my life. In late March of last year, I found out that he had an emotional affair with an ex-girlfriend. He would leave work and visit her during work hours so that I wouldn't find out. Everything's out in the open now and he has apologized profusely. He told me that he realized how much he loved me when he almost lost me (due to the EA). Since then, he's been a sweetheart. He's been trying really hard for me to forget about what happened. He's been pretty much the perfect boyfriend ... but, since the EA, I haven't felt the same way about him. I cry often because of what happened. I don't know how to explain it. I want to feel the same way as I did in the beginning. He's trying really hard but I just can't seem to get that feeling back. Do you think we're doomed? Are there people who just can't get over the hurt and should just move on without their significant others? I want to love him the same way I used to - I want to feel those feelings again - but I can't seem to get myself to that point again. Will time heal me - or should I give up? Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
TheDC Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 As the saying goes "time heals all wounds." Unfortunately that saying doesn't specify a time period. You'll probably forgive him in time the question is are you willing to wait for as long as it takes? Link to post Share on other sites
CynicalP Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 What exactly is an emotional affair? Sex with emotions? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 What exactly is an emotional affair? Sex with emotions? It's an affair involving feelings but not sex. Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 an emotional affair, is all the closeness and emotions of a relationship WITHOUT the sex. Just as hurtful and dangerous though. OP, it sounds like you are still very hurt, otherwise you wouldn't care so much. I think this would be a good time for some relationship counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 RE: Don't let go, Guest. Not yet. You have come so far, and giving up shouldn't be the quickest way out. In retrospective: Why specifically can't you feel those feelings again towards him? Is it because you are disgusted by the Emotional Affair? From my point of view, it seems as though you are scared to fully commit to him after the Emotional Affair. You are scared that, perhaps, IF it does occur again you may lose him forever. I believe you should give this relationship time to move forward into the next phase. Not only that, but also the chance to start fresh. New platform, altogether. When the appropriate feeling [ -true realization of falling out of love] hits you, then you will know it is time to pack your things and move on. Warm Regards, Sand&Water Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 In retrospective: Why specifically can't you feel those feelings again towards him? Is it because you are disgusted by the Emotional Affair? From my point of view, it seems as though you are scared to fully commit to him after the Emotional Affair. You are scared that, perhaps, IF it does occur again you may lose him forever. Thanks for the reply. As for me being scared that it'll happen again - this is not so much the case. When I think of what happened, I want to say "how dare he treat me like that - I showered him with love and affection and this is what I get?" I'm so hostile towards the situation. I don't know what to do ... Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 9, 2007 Share Posted January 9, 2007 I think what you're going through is normal. You're feeling betrayed by someone who said he loved you, you now know how much and how often he lied to you, and you are having a hard time trusting him...to some extent, you are afraid of giving all your emotions and love to someone who disrespected you and your relationship. It's like a vase that's been broken - you can glue it back together, but things just aren't the same. BUT - they can be different, and sometimes it becomes even better because your bf is truly regretful and now cherishes your relationship where he didn't before. Look into getting some counseling with your bf. If you don't work through this and the feelings linger, you won't be together in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 My boyfriend (who's also the father of my son) That one sentence changes everything. You not just two crazy kids, trying to work things out - you have a child depending on you to do so. Do everything you can to repair your relationship for his sake. Good luck. Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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