Not that easy

[stillhere]

This I just don't get. I think you must interpret this about yourselves. I do NOT see the name calling anywhere. I'm the one that got the brunt of the OW venom so let's examine my name calling shall we. I told ysm that she was sounding like a spoiled child and had some growing up to do. Where exactly is the name calling?

 

Maybe it is your own self esteem and your thoughts interpreting the message.

 

 

I don't have the time or the want to go back and read through numerous posts to prove my point. You are fully aware of the fact that some of the BS's here have called us OW every name under the sun. In fact, many people, BS and some who are neither a BS or OW, have you on ignore! Why is that? I quoted a BS who said that there was plenty of name calling going around. I guess we are all as delusional as you.

 

You catch flies with honey, not vinegar. The only reason you are here is to start wars between the BS and OW. That seems to be your sole purpose here. Dress your "advice" up any way you like, but no one here listens to you. Your time is wasted by posting because of your venomous speaking. You might as well stay on the infedelity board where the posters there can "use" your oh so helpful advice. Better yet, spend time with your happy hubby. Or is everything not so happy, and that is why you choose to take your frustrations out on us?

[noforgiveness]

I don't have the time or the want to go back and read through numerous posts to prove my point. You are fully aware of the fact that some of the BS's here have called us OW every name under the sun. In fact, many people, BS and some who are neither a BS or OW, have you on ignore! Why is that? I quoted a BS who said that there was plenty of name calling going around. I guess we are all as delusional as you.

 

You catch flies with honey, not vinegar. The only reason you are here is to start wars between the BS and OW. That seems to be your sole purpose here. Dress your "advice" up any way you like, but no one here listens to you. Your time is wasted by posting because of your venomous speaking. You might as well stay on the infedelity board where the posters there can "use" your oh so helpful advice. Better yet, spend time with your happy hubby. Or is everything not so happy, and that is why you choose to take your frustrations out on us?

 

hmmm couldn't find any namecalling by me could you? You need to examine how you feel about yourself. Whether you feel it is moral to accept a weekly allowance from a married man. Then maybe, just maybe you will figure out where those names you have accused others of saying have come from. Look within.

[noforgiveness]

and oh yes I'm frustrated. I am so frustrated every single time I read a thread by some woman who is so in love and thinks their man is in love but oh he just can't leave or oh the wife won't let him. Bull if the wife knows the truth she will let them.

 

I am frustrated that intelligent women would allow themselves to be used and disrespected in this way.

[yousaveme]

Are you seriously kidding me? LOL ....OMG what a load of BS ( not meant as betrayed spouse - had to clarify in fear of it being twisted)

[stillhere]

hmmm couldn't find any namecalling by me could you? You need to examine how you feel about yourself. Whether you feel it is moral to accept a weekly allowance from a married man. Then maybe, just maybe you will figure out where those names you have accused others of saying have come from. Look within.

 

 

Oh please!!! Get off your high horse!

 

Don't worry about what i do or who gives me what. Jealous because i'm happy and you are not? Don't worry about me, i'm just fine!! But thanks for asking!

 

I have looked within, and i know that i'm not a hateful, spiteful, revengeful individual who has the need to spew venom at every turn. I am loved by many, so i don't need someone like you telling me that i have to look within. I know who i am, maybe you should look to see what is making you the person that you are.

[lovernotafighter]

hmmm couldn't find any namecalling by me could you? You need to examine how you feel about yourself. Whether you feel it is moral to accept a weekly allowance from a married man. Then maybe, just maybe you will figure out where those names you have accused others of saying have come from. Look within.

 

 

Look NF, if you roll a piece of crap in a pile of sugar and bake it like a cake it doesn't make it any less than a piece of crap.

 

do you really believe everyone on these boards don't see you statements for what they are?

[Buttaflyy]

and oh yes I'm frustrated. I am so frustrated every single time I read a thread by some woman who is so in love and thinks their man is in love but oh he just can't leave or oh the wife won't let him. Bull if the wife knows the truth she will let them.

 

I am frustrated that intelligent women would allow themselves to be used and disrespected in this way.

 

NFG, Realistically there are two sides to every coin. You said that if the wife knew the truth she would let him leave. Of course every situation is different, but what about the wife who finds out about the A and stays? Not every knowing wife just ups and leaves the relationship either.

 

In this case, she also has been disrespected.

[Freedom Now]

I am not even going to go into my personal situation, but what Buttaflyy is saying is true....

 

My xMM's wife begged him not to leave....

 

and he didn't. He continued to contact me until I STOPPED HIM. He disrespected her every time he called me, emailed me, text messaged me, etc.

 

And she knew about me....yet, she begged him to stay.

 

For the kids.

 

Go figure.

[noforgiveness]

I am not even going to go into my personal situation, but what Buttaflyy is saying is true....

 

My xMM's wife begged him not to leave....

 

and he didn't. He continued to contact me until I STOPPED HIM. He disrespected her every time he called me, emailed me, text messaged me, etc.

 

And she knew about me....yet, she begged him to stay.

 

For the kids.

 

Go figure.

 

He "told" you she begged him or did you see or hear it? I can not imagine begging a man to stay. Why would you ever want to short change yourself to be in an empty relationship.

 

He could not tell you he begged her not to leave because then the window with you would be closed.

[Romeo Must Die]

Freedom Now, you left on your own terms. You threw MM under the bus. You didn't stick around long enough to see how it would have played out. Now your MM has no alternative but to deal with his M, or D her like he planned. Kudos to you, kid.

 

[yousaveme]

Some women do it...Believe it or not..

 

 

He "told" you she begged him or did you see or hear it? I can not imagine begging a man to stay. Why would you ever want to short change yourself to be in an empty relationship.

 

He could not tell you he begged her not to leave because then the window with you would be closed.

[Freedom Now]

He "told" you she begged him or did you see or hear it? I can not imagine begging a man to stay. Why would you ever want to short change yourself to be in an empty relationship.

 

He could not tell you he begged her not to leave because then the window with you would be closed.

 

What he told me is true. I heard her voice. She begged me to stay away from him....for her family.

 

She may be a rarity, but she exists.

 

And I did.

[noforgiveness]

What he told me is true. I heard her voice. She begged me to stay away from him....

 

And I did.

 

 

Did she beg you to stay away from him or tell you to F off? Oh man, i can really not imagine begging an ow to stay away from my husband. How degrading and humiliating.

[Freedom Now]

Seriously. She begged me to stay away from him.

 

I felt sorry for her and I still do.

 

She degraded and humiliated herself to me. And I am sure she hates that.

 

I know that I would.

[Buttaflyy]

Seriously. She begged me to stay away from him.

 

I felt sorry for her and I still do.

 

She degraded and humiliated herself to me. And I am sure she hates that.

 

I know that I would.

 

She degraded herself in the name of love. See, it doesn't matter who you are in the relationship. Most times, it goes beyond your love or affection for the man. You don't want to lose the battle. Once the wife finds out, she has to deal with being rejected. Any woman, may do this under certain circumstances. It's hard to deal with the fact that you are not the chosen one. Sometimes, she may really love him that much too, and not to mention everything else at stake.

 

Also let's keep in mind that, he has caused her this humilation and pain.

[Freedom Now]

Oh yes, HE did.

 

As he caused mine, too.

 

And sadly, for her, he has attempted to return to me. But, I have respectfully declined his invitation to see me again.

 

Out of respect to myself and also out of respect to her.

[noforgiveness]

Oh yes, HE did.

 

As he caused mine, too.

 

And sadly, for her, he has attempted to return to me. But, I have respectfully declined his invitation to see me again.

 

Out of respect to myself and also out of respect to her.

you should tell her.

[Freedom Now]

Why would I destroy her world? He isn't leaving her.

 

And she certainly isn't leaving him.

 

So, what would be the point, really?

[Buttaflyy]

Why would I destroy her world? He isn't leaving her.

 

And she certainly isn't leaving him.

 

So, what would be the point, really?

 

Good for you Freedom Now! Are you happier now? I certainly hope that you are. I admire you for what you did. You are no longer responsible for anyone's feelings but your own, and I'm glad that you've taken control of your situation and protected your own feelings. You should not tell her anything more, instead you have removed yourself from the relationship and her H is her own problem now.

[Freedom Now]

Thank you Buttaflyy.

 

I am getting happy. It has been a long, hard road, but I am getting there....

 

Good days and bad days, just like everybody else.

[Buttaflyy]

Thank you Buttaflyy.

 

I am getting happy. It has been a long, hard road, but I am getting there....

 

Good days and bad days, just like everybody else.

 

But always remember that in that situation you'd be preventing true happiness for yourself. At least now, you will find it one day.

[herenow]

I didn't have time yesterday, but I would like to go back to the original statement that it's hard to leave. We are talking about two things here. Yes there is pain and heartache when a relationship ends. We can say that about any type of relationship. It doesn't matter what side your on, when there are feelings involved, it's hard to leave relationships.

 

I'm talking about making the decision to break off the relationship. That is very different from the pain that the loss creates. To me, the decision to leave a relationship in which I'm being disrespected would be easy. The aftermath would certainly be hard.

 

It is my opinion that when a OW is willing to accept only the time that a MM can sneak away to be with her, she is being disrespected along with the wife. I'm saying that all of us deserve better. We all deserve to be able to shout our love from the roof tops.

[Freedom Now]

But always remember that in that situation you'd be preventing true happiness for yourself. At least now, you will find it one day.

 

Yes I agree with you.

 

I have the HOPE of having it with someone someday. Until then, I am fine alone.

 

True happiness is found within oneself. Perhaps someone can compliment my life someday.

 

Someone who will shout out his love for me over the rooftops, right herenow?

 

Sure beats a man who shouts it out to ME, but keeps it a secret to the world.

 

No thanks. I think I'll pass.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Seriously. She begged me to stay away from him.

 

I felt sorry for her and I still do.

 

She degraded and humiliated herself to me. And I am sure she hates that.

 

I know that I would.

 

 

WOW! You consider her fighting for her marriage degrading and humiliating. Let me ask you this... If she had begged you to stop selling him drugs would you have found that degrading and humiliating? If she begged God to cure some debillitating illness for her husband would you consider that degrading and humiliating. I'm quite sure what she hates is that she is in a situation that she has to fight for something that was given to her (a heartfelt convenant to share a life together). I personally believe that the ones who should be humiliated and degraded are the people who put her in this situation to begin with. I feel sorry for her too, but I'm mostly sorry that she has had the unfortunate luck to become associated with the type of people who would decide to ruin the life she has attempted to make for herself so that they might act on whatever personal desires that they may have.

 

YSM, I'm a little confused by your post and having trouble remember all of the details. You said that the W has told you that she was just staying for the kids and that she knows that he loves you. I don't understand, then, why the A doesn't continue in the open (with the W's knowledge) if that is the case. I know that all of these situations are very different - but I wonder if a MM (any MM, not yours necessarily) is telling his wife that the A is over, that he loves her and wants to make the M work - why an OW would not expect her to believe that when the OW believes the things that he is telling her. I'm a firm believer "in the eyes only see what the mind/heart is ready to accept".

 

I always wonder when reading these posts by OW if they truly understand what goes on in the day to day life of married people - again, all situations I'm sure are different. Do you know how jealous he gets when another man even looks at me? Did you know that we laughed together for 20 minutes hysterically til our sides hurt over the stupid stuffed cat the dog won't let go of. Did you know that we high fived in the driveway and he threw me over his shoulder and spun me around til I almost puked because of some good news we got in the mail. Which drew neighbors over and turned into an impromptu get together at our house. Did you know that he called me 5 times today from work to tell me how incredible last night was and if he can have more of the same tonight. We never talked about an OW, the only "serious" conversation was when he told me how much he loved me for taking care of him and our family. I wonder if any MM ever mention the good things to the OW in their life. If you believe what he tells you then she sould too, right? If OW are fighting for what they want, why shouldn't the BS, after all - THEY have much more at stake than some fantasy of a life together (which may or may not become a reality). An OW puts up with the fact that MM goes home to another woman, why shouldn't a BS put up with it. Actually, we don't have to listen to HIS problems with you. We have access to him most anytime we choose. We have a real life together - but he likes you better/too ...

 

The truth of the matter is that we (OW/BS) are both living in whatever reality MM sees fit to create for us. It is VERY difficult for anyone to make an informed decision based on faulty or inaccurate information especially when it is tied to any stong emotion. You need to see that a MM couldn't tell W - I love you and want to be with you but I can't leave OW because...(what reason could possibly make any sense). He can tell OW that though and she can/will hang onto that and accept her position in hopes that (someone who is willing to lie and cheat) will change, become a stand up man, do what's in the best interest of someone else.

[Freedom Now]

Before you throw barbs at me, realize that I did not know he was married. Perhaps you should ask my xMM, the minister that he is, about the covenant of marriage that he broke....

 

Not all affairs are cut and dried.

 

Sorry.