Kittiecat Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 A few months ago Terri Hatcher (one of the Desperate Housewives) released a book about how many women become used to accepting second best. She entitled it Burnt Toast...I think... In reviewing my own habits and decisions over the last few years, I see that I also think that second best, or third best, or whatever is left, is completly fine with me. From the friends I make to the men I date , I repeatedly choose to spend my time with people that are incompatible with me. I take whatever I'm handed, and it's never worked out. So - who here has hand picked friends/lovers? Who took whatever hand was dealt them? How did it work out? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 A few months ago Terri Hatcher (one of the Desperate Housewives) released a book about how many women become used to accepting second best. She entitled it Burnt Toast...I think... In reviewing my own habits and decisions over the last few years, I see that I also think that second best, or third best, or whatever is left, is completly fine with me. From the friends I make to the men I date , I repeatedly choose to spend my time with people that are incompatible with me. I take whatever I'm handed, and it's never worked out. So - who here has hand picked friends/lovers? Who took whatever hand was dealt them? How did it work out? I did that to my first ever GF. It lasted only a month, but I was only 18 then. My problem was that I didn't take the time to really get to know her before we became official. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I never thought I was the doormat type until I got cancer and my support was definitely not equivelant to the support I had given to friends (and partner) over the years. So now I refuse to settle. I don't have a boyfriend, and I have a quarter of the friends I had before. Now, I am trully happy with the people and things I have decided are worthy of my time, love and attention. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I'd like to hand-pick friends and lovers. I'd like to line everyone up and go down the line and say "I pick you, and you and you and you." What I imagine happening is all my chosen ones then will get together and go off and have a great time without me, and I'll wait in shock for one of the ones who is left say "want to go get a beer or something?" And then I'll end up with more interesting things to post about here on wonderful LS. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I'd like to line everyone up and go down the line and say "I pick you, and you and you and you." I'd like to do the same thing, except in my fantasy I'm choosing people to shoot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 What I imagine happening is all my chosen ones then will get together and go off and have a great time without me... Silly, what makes you think they'd do that? and I'll wait in shock for one of the ones who is left say "want to go get a beer or something?" See, there's hope yet! And then I'll end up with more interesting things to post about here on wonderful LS. Yeah, but in any event the leftover people you have beer with would still be your "chosen ones." Not only that, but they will have chosen you back! You can't beat that. Link to post Share on other sites
Porn_Guy Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 A few months ago Terri Hatcher (one of the Desperate Housewives) released a book about how many women become used to accepting second best. She entitled it Burnt Toast...I think... in a race or cont4st, only one person gets 1st place... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 in a race or cont4st, only one person gets 1st place... So you see life as a perpetual race or contest? Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Do you really think there is some friend or lover out there who is the "best" like finding the best dress or the best hamburger? I am starting to think it is more about finding someone who turns you on at every conceivable level. Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 A few months ago Terri Hatcher (one of the Desperate Housewives) released a book about how many women become used to accepting second best. She entitled it Burnt Toast...I think... I deleted most of your post, but I have had acquaintances with men where I most definitely felt second best, or even third best. As a mother, I have been eating anything that even appeared to be burnt for years. The kids just wont eat it, and feeding them is one of those things that the child protection people look at. But back on your topic....I have generally accepted men that were not compatible because there didn't seem to be anything better. I have said it before, but I know nice men. We're just not in the same area. Good luck to you, Kittiecat, in your area. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kittiecat Posted January 10, 2007 Author Share Posted January 10, 2007 Do you really think there is some friend or lover out there who is the "best" like finding the best dress or the best hamburger? I do. "Best" meaning the best for me. I am starting to think it is more about finding someone who turns you on at every conceivable level. I know that isn't possible, but I do think it's high time I started letting people into my life who are more compatible in more than just ONE area (i.e. hanging out with a friend simply because she's another single chick, or dating some guy who is cute but has nothing else going for him). Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 , or dating some guy who is cute but has nothing else going for him). What??!! You need... more?? Link to post Share on other sites
Texan Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 Ok, I'm gonna go back a ways in time, but your post made me start thinking... Back in my twenties, it was all about getting the hottest 'chick' you could find. (Looks to me like things haven't changed for a lot of people in that regard.) Between my first and second marriages (twice married and twice divorced), I was in my early forties. I wasn't nearly as interested in the physical as I was the heart and personality of the person. I found that I had become more discerning in what I wanted. Now, single again for the last 4 years, I am still that way. Don't get me wrong, they have to be physically attractive to me on some level, otherwise there's nothing there... but I take it a lot slower now. I have a very good female friend of mine who is (at least to me) an absolute knockout. She's 43, works out three or four times a week at the gym... when we go out with other friends she's the one that usually has 10-15 guys a night walking up and trying to 'hook' up. No interest on her part... she has a great sense of humor and is one of the most intelligent woman I know. I say all that to say this... I would never be able to have a romantic relationship with her. In spite of all her obvious qualities, there are flaws as well that are dealbreakers for me in a relationship. She doesn't allow for compromise on any level. It's basically her way or no way in a relationship. For me, that doesn't work. She once asked me why I hadn't tried to hit on her. I smiled and said, "are you sure you wanna know?" I'm a big believer in the don't-ask-the-question-if-you-don't-wanna-hear-the-answer. She wanted to know, so I told her. I think she was offended at first (didn't speak to me for almost three weeks)... but then she was back around as if we hadn't had the conversation. We're really good friends and I like that. So... I'll continue to look for someone... I hate the loneliness, but I was way more lonely in my last marriage with someone who didn't care about me at the end. I'd rather find someone who isn't a '10' on someone else's scale than be unhappy again. (Hope that made sense.) So for me... yeah, I can wait for the chemistry to develop. I've seen too many relationships die from that 'flash in the pan' chemistry. That's lust, pure and simple. Nothing wrong with it, just not what I'm looking for. I'll trust that answered your question regarding my own personal philosophy on it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I think I take what I'm given. I'm picky about some things, but when it comes to human beings I really try to find something valuable and likeable about every person I interact with regularly because I tend to be so pessimistic. And I wouldn't want to be judged as "less than" by someone else. So I try not to do it to others. But that's just a pipe dream. There will always be one person (or an obscene amount of people) who think I'm crummy, that I'm the burnt toast for them. And that just makes me bummed. I don't want to be burnt toast. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I don't want to be burnt toast. I've heard that charcoal can rid oneself of toxins. That could just be a rumour, though. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I've heard that charcoal can rid oneself of toxins. That could just be a rumour, though. I heard that eating burnt food too much can cause cancer. But that's probably another one of those urban myths. Or not. Lately it seems like everything causes cancer. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I heard that eating burnt food too much can cause cancer. Especially if it's still on fire. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I'd like to do the same thing, except in my fantasy I'm choosing people to shoot. I was thinking the same thing. Especially after listening to the debate over here about how some groups should be able to opt out of anti-discrimination legislation. Thankfully the legislation passed with a large majority. However, http://www.eatwell.gov.uk/asksam/healthydiet/meatq/ I think moderate amounts of burnt toast is probably ok - it's the burnt meat you gotta cut down on. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 10, 2007 Share Posted January 10, 2007 I think moderate amounts of burnt toast is probably ok - it's the burnt meat you gotta cut down on. Got you. So the take-home message is to not subject your meat to too much unnecessary friction, by using friction-mitigating substances whenever appropriate. The next time someone burns the roast, you would be quite entitled to complain, "Are you trying to kill me?!" Link to post Share on other sites
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