i want him back but he's keeps yo-yo'ing back and forth

[idunnowut2do]

My ex-bf and I are in our mid-20’s and have been together for 4 years. About month ago, I really screwed up. We were constantly arguing and I really pushed him away. Rather than being happy and enjoying the time he wanted to spend with me, I argued and nit-picked at him about things, I became insecure, and smothered him with constant phone calls… in other words, all of the stuff you probably shouldn’t do. So one day, my bf called me one night and said “I’m done.. I can’t do this anymore. I want to end this relationship” and we ended the phone call with both of us pretty upset and distraught and me thinking we were broken up. So after accepting that we were broken up, he calls me the next day and changes his mind and says he wants time off and doesn’t want to talk to me for a month instead. And then the next day, he calls me back and says that he wants to break up again but that he wants to keep in touch now.

 

His indecisiveness was driving me crazy. I decided to focus on myself, go out have some fun, focus on my career, meet new people, and not contact him in any way. 3 weeks later he called me and we had small talk for 15 mins and he sounded very distraught but I told him his happiness was important to me and that he should pursue whatever it was that would make him happy. After that, I didn’t make any effort to initiate contact and he called me last week with a private number, asking a bunch of questions: Was I dating yet? Where was I going? How was work? If I met any interesting guys… etc. I didn’t answer any of the questions and told him I had to go and continue to not initiate contact. He called me one more time a few days ago, in the wee morning hours. I was half asleep when he told me he missed me so much and it was driving him crazy and that he wanted to see me again so arranged to meet for a short, simple dinner.

 

And this is where I start to get confused…

 

The poor guy looked like a wreak and was very distraught. He hugged and kissed me, told me that he still loves and misses me, he can’t help but feel jealous of the idea of me seeing other guys and mentioned that he’d like to have dinner with me again sometime. I sat there and listened to everything he said about the goals he wanted to pursue. I reassured him that I would support whatever decision he made 100% no matter what and to call me and let me know what day he’d like to have dinner again. But then he kept repeating how he wants to be with me but what he wants or feels doesn’t matter because no matter what, we can’t be together due to religious, family, and etc reasons. It was weird. We finished our meal, said goodbye and haven’t contacted each other since. And that’s where we left off.

 

I’m not really sure where to go from here. Am I even doing this no contact thing right? Is there something different or new I should do or maybe say? I still care about and love the guy and I’m very cautious to not do anything to jeopardize any progress I’ve made with him since our break up but it’s been really hard. I feel like he keeps yo-yo’ing back from wanting to be with me and then not wanting to be with me. I’m not sure what the next step to take is… and I’d hope that he and I will get back together one day. Anyway, I hope this all makes sense and any advice, help, feedback would be really appreciated. =)