sassystella Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 I have been in love with this guy for 2 years and throughout the 2 years he has had the same girlfriend and still does. he just recently found out i had feelings for him but doesn't know i'm in love with him. I was at his house one night and we started talking about how long i've had feelings for him and he told me i should have told him sooner and that who knows where we would be now. and well our conversation led in to a very passionate kiss and then that led to other things (but not sex) mainly foreplay. and well he stopped everything because he said he couldn't cheat on his girlfriend. they have been having alot of problems lately. They got into a argument and she kicked him in the nuts and smashed the windows in his car. he tells me he wants to break up with her but he is scared to because he is starting at a college in the spring that her dad is the head of the board to and he's the one who got him in. Her dad has threatened him that if he does anything to hurt his little girl he will terminate his approval of going to school there. people have told me that he's just playing games with my head but i really feel that he has a reason to stay with her. if he breaks up with her that can seriously damage his future. things havn't changed between us since that night and he wants me to be totally honest with him about how i feel. but i dont know what to do should i tell him i'm in love with him or wait for him to get out of the relationship. (if he ever does) or do u think me telling him will make any difference to his decision. i really love him and don't want to lose him as a friend but i can't stand by and watch him get hurt by her over and over again. I NEED HELP !!! Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 okay, there's no point going to a school if he only made it in by help that daddy. if he doesn't have the qualifications to get in, he'll much less have the skills to survive there. so that girl's daddy ain't helping him much. people should study in places that suit them! second of all, i think you should stop seeing him until he breaks up with that gf. the girl sounds like a psycho (kicking down there? smashing windows? wtf?). If he has feelings for you, you not being around will only make him break up with his gf sooner. If he doesn't have feelings, - you can heal (which you can only do by staying away from him). Keep in mind that after( if) he breaks up, he'll need some time to heal; and that when he goes to college, he'll be busy w/ school, his residence friends, etc. So in all this, i'd advise you to keep his distance and be ready to go on about yr life w/out him. Second thing is to learn (i had to learn this the hard way, too) - once u start having feelings, DO NOT pretend to be a friend. good luck!! that're my thoughts, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 I think that the REAL reason is bc he's afraid that she'll end up killing him! OMG I have NEVER done anything like that to ANYONE...INCLUDING a male....not even in elementary school as a joke. That's just plain wrong....especially to your boyfriend, no matter what has been done. I'm looking at a different side of this situation. I mean, if the only reason he is at this school is bc of her, then HE SHOULDNT BE THERE ANYWAY!!! It REALLY pisses me off that people get into schools that they shouldn't be at bc they know someone. And what kinda manipulation is that anyway? You still respect this guy after knowing what he's putting up with? I say he's a sissy man, and you don't need him. OMG Give him a teddy bear and tell him to go cry to it instead of you, bc you want a REAL man. God that's just aggravating. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted August 27, 2002 Share Posted August 27, 2002 That's exactly what I was trying to say Yes! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassystella Posted September 4, 2002 Author Share Posted September 4, 2002 he can make it in the school he is very smart. but he had some major problems in high school that effected his grades but i know he can do it.. sorry just needed to say that Link to post Share on other sites
topcat167 Posted September 5, 2002 Share Posted September 5, 2002 I'm not sure but I sense that he cares for you. As far as his girlfriend's father threatening him, thats sick. People always use their connections when they truly need something (unfortunately I've never been the one with the connections, just the one who loses out to it). I can understand your boyfriend being caught between a rock and a hard place. When someone's future critically depends on a good school (or job, etc.), and they can use a situation to their advantage, they tend to compromise their integrity. They do what it takes because it is hard competing out there. That doesn't mean that i condone him staying in a relationship with this nut, because it IS unhealthy & dishonest. Its easy for others to judge but i can honestly say that if i had a connection to work in a decent public school, I would completely take advantage of it. I could have a much higher salary, great health insurance and a retirement plan plus summers off w/ my child, lots of vacation time, regular hours. I would degrade myself for that job like that because #1 -I can do this job very well, #2- it serves a much higher purpose - more time with my child & more $. Another possibility is that he is just using the college thing as a somkescreen, when he really has feelings for GF stays with her could just be an excuse to convince you why he is still with her In any case, he reacted positively to knowing that you had feelings for him and didn't fully push for sex with you. He did show SOME restraint. If it were me, i wouldn't tell him that i love him just yet (unless he says it 1st). He already knows that you have feelings for him so he's not completely clueless. When is he starting this school? Soon? Does he plan on dumping this girl once he is in school? I would let him know that you are disappointed with his situation and they way he is handling it. Does her daddy know how she kicks you in the balls or trashes your truck? (Not that daddy would care) if he hopes to have a relationship with you, he needs to nip this in the bud. He should be honest with you in terms of what his intentions are with both his girlfiriend and yourself. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
butterflyz Posted September 6, 2002 Share Posted September 6, 2002 but it does sound like he's yanking your chain. boy, when you are in love...everything looks, feels, smells different. the euphoria is intoxicating. you believe in your beloved. the good news is that you have the ability to fall in love. some people lose it or never have it because they are so wrapped up in themselves. the bad news is that you are in love with someone who has a girlfriend AND is going away to school. people transition once they enter that situation. unfortunately, there are some guys that like having a couple options in love. you may become an option rather than the real thing. if you value this relationship and yourself, you'll let this guy know that you want all of him, not just a piece of him. his response will tell you what his intentions are. Link to post Share on other sites
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