Author Carbine Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 Hey guys...i'm still here, still reading your posts. Had a few recent developments but not sure if I should post about them...I have a feeling i might get flamed. Anyway, just letting you all know i'm still alive. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 So what are the developments? Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted January 29, 2007 Share Posted January 29, 2007 Why do you think you'll get flamed? Do you feel like you've been flamed so far? Maybe it's just my interpretation of the word, but when I think flamed, I think of getting cussed out and called names. I can't see anyone here doing that unless you've done something really horrible. You may get some strong words of opinion depending on what it is that's happened, but like before, those are likely to come from people wanting you to do what's best for you. You may not like the advice you'll get, but I don't think anyone will flame you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Carbine Posted January 29, 2007 Author Share Posted January 29, 2007 Well here goes...I'll keep this as short as possible. He went on his silly road trip. Didn't get with another girl (as far as i'm aware). We spoke on the phone a fair bit while he was away. He continued being nice and friendly. The night he got back (sunday) he stayed at my house. We slept in the same bed, but didn't have sex. He's made a point of pushing the whole 'lets be friends' thing. Any time i do something that is considered too 'relationshippy' he reminds me that we're just friends. He's been quite happy to take my calls, and has stopped telling me to 'f*** off' etc. He's also seemingly softened up on the whole "we're never going to be a couple again" thing, and has strongly implied a few times that there may be a chance for us, although it will take a huge effort from me. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 He's made a point of pushing the whole 'lets be friends' thing. Any time i do something that is considered too 'relationshippy' he reminds me that we're just friends. Be careful here. You could very well be setting yourself up for even more heart break. For the sake of arguement, I'm going to advise you as though this guy isn't abusive for the moment. I've seen a lot of guys willing to use girls who want to be with them and string them along. They're always quick to emphasize, "we're just friends" when things get too close or when they feel like they might be held accountable for anything remotely relationshipish, but they certainly make it seem like there's a chance of relationship when it benefits them (usually when it means they can get laid). That kind of treatment is a self-esteem crusher, especially if you're having sex with them. I know you said you didn't have sex when he stayed over, but just make sure that whatever you do, DO NOT have sex with him unless you two are officially together. If you sleep with him, it's going to hurt like hell when he tells you later that you're just friends. He's also seemingly softened up on the whole "we're never going to be a couple again" thing, and has strongly implied a few times that there may be a chance for us, although it will take a huge effort from me. Now, I'm not going to pretend he's not abusive anymore. Sorry. I know you're not going to like it, but I'm not going to pretend it's ok that he beat you. I'm appalled at him that he would even imply that you need to put in effort to get him back. Didn't you say this guy kicked you in the spine and head? He could have paralyzed you or given you brain damage. He needs to be putting in the effort to get treatment for his problems, and you shouldn't accept him back until he's had some serious therapy. Please, please, PLEASE stop basing all your happiness on this guy. You're going to end up miserable or dead, and that would be very regrettable. Out of curiosity, have you done anything lately to try to deal with your self-esteem issues, etc. like reading books, seeing a therapist, going to groups? I think support groups would be a good choice for you. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I agree with Crazygrl. Carbine, he is using you to rub his own ego. He doesn't really give a sh** about your feelings, if he did he would see how much this stringing along is hurting you. Getting your hopes up by "hinting" that you might get back together is just cruel. Either he wants you or he doesn't. And judging by his past actions, he doesn't want anyone right now except somewhere to park his .... By doing this he is crushing you even further. As CG says.. HE should be the one grovelling, not throwing you titbits of his attention. Carbine, to be brutally honest this guy is scum. He will NEVER care for and love you the way you need, and the chances are even less if you allow him to perpetuate his crappy behaviour the way you are doing now. The longer you let him walk all over you, the longer he will do it, and the worse your state of self will become. You know what we all think. Thats why you were so reluctant to tell us... because you knew what we would say. So deep in your heart, I think you know we are right. Please ditch him. He is bad for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Lennox Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 I think you're desperately reaching out to grab whatever crumbs you can from this monster primarily because of your drug use. Please get professional help for it. You need to cut things off with this guy but I think the drugs are what is making you put up with his crap. Link to post Share on other sites
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