"Till Bachelor Party Ultimatums do us Part"

[Guest]

If a woman (or man) is uncomfortable with their SO going to strip clubs, then why should a bachelor party be considered an exception? I just don't get that. Some people see strippers at their bachelor(ette) party as an entitlement. There is something traditional about the wild stag party, also reinforced by the movie industry. Others may consider it old-fashioned now, though, especially since many people have established a marriage-like relationship long before their actual marriage (they already live together, etc.). So rules/expectations of the relationship has already been established. If strip clubs are not something the couple "permit" each other to visit, then strippers at a bachelor(ette) party is equally unpermittable.

 

Now (before marriage) is a good time to discuss these expectations. Your bf's expectations are, perhaps that as a man, he is allowed to got see strippers with the boys. Who knows, this may be the way he is brought up. He has probably never questioned this "right" before. And he may not think its a big deal because he has no intention of cheating, he just likes watching the women. Some men don't think that that is disrespectful at all. You, however, have a different view, and the challenge is for the two of you to compromise/ work things out. Nobody wants to change, and if you can't find a solution that works for both of you, then it is better to split than live with something that is unacceptable to you. Like James says, it's all about respect for the other person's feelings.

 

I will tell you that I am not particularly jealous, but when I heard that my husband had been to strip clubs during our marriage, I felt sick to my stomach. I told him that I would prefer it if we went together, rather than have him going alone and he has agreed on this. We have gone, and this works well for me, I have a good time, I like looking at the girls and find the whole thing quite sexy. He could not understand why I initially made such a big deal about the issue, though, until I went to a male strip show. I went alone and refused to give him any details. Childish, I know, but oh so effective!

[RecordProducer]

Did I say that?? For the record, no, I do not think he'd cheat at the drop of a hat!

OK, it would take him a lot of liquor to actually do it. But you already said that touching the strippers is cheating and we all agree, all except him.

 

No matter what kind of bachelor party he goes to he WILL engage in behaviour that I consider cheating

So why do you want to be with a cheater who has no intention to change? You said yourself that he thinks he has the right to do it.

 

 

(and that he'd probably feel guilty about in other circumstances)

Bullsh*t! How can you say that he would feel guilty when he has done it before and wants to do it again and even told you that if you don't put up with it, you're history? Are you sure he has never had sex with anyone during your relationship? Strippers are not the only women in this world, ya know. Men have opportunities all the time. Is he ugly or missing teeth or something? If he is decent-looking, he's got opportunities when he goes out with his buddies. You think he said NO to them because he was thinking of you at the time? I would assume if he said NO it's because she was too fat. Maybe I am wrong, but you know him better and you can answer yourself whether you trust him that he's never cheated on you or not.

 

Shut up and get over it? Are you for real? Do you really think that's fair?? I would have assumed from your post that you're a male, if you hadn't implied otherwise. Also, re the mental trauma thing - maybe not for you but it certainly causes it for me!

She meant: if you can't accept it then it's a problem and he is not willing to consider your feelings when choosing his actions. So if you can't shut up and get over it then accept the other thing - he is not faithful and leave him. In any case, either accept him the way he is or dump him. Your problem is that you want the middle of those two: you want to stay with him AND prevent him from going to stip clubs. That's fine if he is willing to compromise. But he told you that if he can't do what he wants, you're out of the picture. What do you think the odds of him changing are with that attitude? If you want him to change, show him the door. Show that you have self-respect that's above your love for him. If he doesn't try to stop you and promise that he will change then there's no point in you looking back at him. Is it an unfair ultimatum? I don't think so. He is the one who gave you the ultimatum "If I can't have my strippers, get out of my life!" He is the one who showed YOU the door. So open it and walk away. Or shut up and get over it. You really only have those two options and the third one (which I assume will take place in your case) is for you to constantly attempt to change him, go over the same arguments over and over again, while he will hide his actions from you whenever it's possible.

 

Moreover, when we were discussing our potential marriage in the future he said that he'd do anything his best man would have planned out for his bucks' night and that he wouldn't have any control over what events took place that night, and "just because I'd touch a tit or so, doesn't mean i'm cheating".

My husband's ex-wife would go out with his friends, drink and do coke, and come back home at 5 in the morning. It wasn't cheating, but it was disrespectful toweard her husband and it bothered him big time. Eventually she did cheat on him. Your BF is inconsiderate of your feelings and finds excuses in alcohol. With the same excuse he can have sex with someone and if you catch him, he will say "I was drunk and it was only sex." I can't even imagine him regretting it with the kind of viewpoint he has. He is just a male pig that thinks he has the freedom to do whatever he wants. He wouldn't like it if somebody touched your tit, would he? Do you think you can do exactly the same things and he wouldn't have a problem? Ask him! Tell him that some guy touched you all over and let's see how he reacts. You don't have to like male strippers. Who likes them anyway? You can have a sex fling with some guy that YOU picked in a night club. All these stone-age "men have a right to do what they want and women don't" theories are disgusting.

 

 

 

I don't see why my 'issues' will become worse after marriage.

You really don't see why? Because he is still careful about his behavior, he still needs to fool his future wife (be it you or somebody that may come after you) that he will be a good dedicated husband. But once he is married with children, he will do whatever he wants. That's what happenes in most marriages. Do you think that the men who cheat on their wives started doing it before they got married but slowed down a bit later? No! They pretended to be sweet and later showed their true colors. Things never improve after the wedding day. They either stay the same or get worse. If you have financial problems and later your situation stabilizes, things can get better. But if you have infidelity issues, things are not likely to improve after 5 or 10 years of marriage. He is hoping that you will accept him the way he is and live with it. He didn't give you any other option really.

 

 

Well, it sounds to me like he really HAS given you enough cause not to trust him. At the minimum, he's not prioritizing you in any kind of emotionally satisfying way. That's not likely to change unless he himself decides to change it.

 

I think if I were you, I'd amuse myself with him for as long as I was having fun... but he's not really marriage material as things currently stand.

Amen to that.

[norajane]

I agree with those who are asking why you even want to continue dating this guy? He's already told you what he's about - you know what you have to deal with if you stay with him. Obviously, that's not going to make you happy, so why prolong it? End it now and start dating someone who shares your values.

 

 

I was acquaintances with a few strippers when I lived in California. Whether it be an upscale strip club or something more average, the strippers think the guys are mostly sad and pathetic, much in the same way others think strippers are sad and pathetic. The upscale clubs attract guys who get off on throwing money around and "making" girls do things for money - it's a power and control thing, as well as a sex thing. In any case, if you're with a guy who spends a lot of time and money in clubs, he's definitely tried to get more from the girls than just a dance. He may not have gotten it, but he's tried to.

[WhisperingWillow]

A stripper, many many many years ago, when I was eighteen, NJ has a point. Most of us don't care about the men and tend to see the same faces every night or every other night. Everything back then when I was stripping was mechanical. You get up on stage, do your thing, collect your tips and off stage you go. You rarely really paid much attention to the men at all. When doing lap dances it's still the mechanical stuff. Now having said that there were a lot of girls where I was stripping at, upscale place in Dallas, that would take things further up the ladder. That's some, not all. The thing about it is, like NJ has stated, that if the guys are spending a lot of money and time in those places it turns out that they are normally getting a lot more than the dances. Case in point one guy who brought his wife in a couple of times, it seemed that they were very comfortable in the place and she was very pretty, kept coming in without her, well he was also pay for sex, as was a whole bunch of others. After seeing that crap for a year I finally got out, went onto college and made something of myself. To hell with that stuff.

 

However if he's really saying "If you weren't such a good lay I'd dump you", that right there is highly disrespectful and why you put up with that is beyond me. Those are true feelings right there! I'd dump him. You have stated many times in a lot of your threads, well it comes across that way, that this guy cannot be trusted. Please give yourself some piece of mind and dump this guy. He's not worth it and can be replaced with someone better. That's all.

[rainfall]

Honestly it comes down to respect & honesty. At my strip club, even though my brother bought me a private VIP dance, really nothing went on. She took me into a back room, took off her clothes and crawled on top of me while I was on the couch (music was playing). Though to me there really wasn't any sexual excitement, because the way the girls were acting, they just treated it as a job. The men couldn't touch the girls and video cameras were all over the place. After about 2 hours we got tired and went home.

 

Now if I was going to do something sexual with those girls, all that means is that after marriage I would cheat on my wife anyways, so it's not whether it's a question of allowing him or not (which is a control issue) it's whether you trust him enough in that kind of an environment.

 

 

I think having a naked stranger crawl on top of you IS sexual. I don't see how someone would not see it that way. I know if I ever do decide to get married I will make sure that my boyfriends knows from very early on that if he decides to go to a strip club for a bachelor party we will not be getting married.

 

A marriage is not a free pass to cheat, even though for some reason alot of guys like to view it as that.

[Guest]

My partner and I have talked about this and we aren't married. I agree, its very important this stuff comes to the table long before marriage is discussed.

 

First of all, I'm not sure I could be with a guy that I didn't trust at a strip club or anywhere else alone with women. Why dont you trust him? Has he done something wrong before? Have you caught him flirting or misbehaving with other women? If so, run for your life....I guarantee he's done things that you don't know about (gotta love that code of silence). I have a lot of male friends and I cant tell you how many times I've heard guys tell their girlfriends one thing and their buddies another. The code of silence is alive and well! I bet the brother in law is not the only one wanting to go to the strip club, I bet your partner is using him as the excuse so the party can happen. I would challenge him if I were you.

 

Its important to keep sight of the fact that a relationship is about trust and love. Letting a dirty stripper rub her naked snatch all over you does not go along with either of those virtues. I've made it clear as daylight to my partner that any sign of infidelity or sexual acts with other women (that includes strippers, etc) will send him packing. I dont care if my man goes to the club, but if he is engaging in sexual acts with the strippers (frictions, lap dances, etc)...there is a problem.

 

So it sounds like you have some big questions to ask yourself. Remember you are worth it. If you are having trust issues or doubts you are probably right to question this stuff. Don't let him make you feel like you are being paranoid. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VERY IMPORTANT! It's okay for you to have a problem with this stuff and if he doesnt respect that, then prepare yourself for other problems to come up later in the marriage. This could be a symptom of a much large problem.

 

Good luck my dear!

[RecordProducer]

if he decides to go to a strip club for a bachelor party we will not be getting married.

And with the same enthusiasm with which you're defending the concept of comitment, this guy is defending his freedom and claims: if you try to restrict my freedom, you're out of the picture.

 

When a man cheats, he is a cheater. But most cheaters hide their sins. However this man is not (only) a cheater; he insists on his right to do whatever he wants and if somebody doesn't like it, she better get out of his way. It's a mentality problem. It's not hard for me to imagine that this guy is not a cardio surgeon who loves to read books and is well-rounded, well-traveled, and well educated. I don't want to discriminate anyone, but his mind is really marginal and closer to Neanderthal than to a high emotional, intelligent human being.

 

His mentality implies that a man is higher on the social scale than a woman and all his actions are based on that premise. It's also not hard for me to guess that he thinks that the woman was born to raise kids, cook, and clean, even though he might state different attitudes right now. He was taught inside his family that a woman doesn't deserve respect and women are all whores - at least the ones that he would screw.

 

Even when married to a woman of the same "league" this type of man will never be a good husband, understand his wife or be understood by her. He is bad news. He will either marry an emotionally retarded woman or he will live with constant fights. He will cheat, lie, raise a hand, neglect his children, belittle his wife, and act selfishly in every aspect.

[rainfall]

And with the same enthusiasm with which you're defending the concept of comitment, this guy is defending his freedom and claims: if you try to restrict my freedom, you're out of the picture.

 

.

Works for me. I don't need to waste my time with a jerk who feels his freedom involves having other women naked on top of him.

 

This is not a problem in my relationship right now

but in the future I would feel this way.

[Woggle]

Women do not understand the male bonding aspect of strip clubs. If he goes to a strip club alone then a woman should worry but if it is with a group of guys it is about men doing men stuff. I would not care if my wife went to a male strip club either. I really don't see why some women have a big problem with this.

[norajane]

Women do not understand the male bonding aspect of strip clubs. If he goes to a strip club alone then a woman should worry but if it is with a group of guys it is about men doing men stuff. I would not care if my wife went to a male strip club either. I really don't see why some women have a big problem with this.

 

Please enlighten us, Oh Woggly One. Tell us about the male bonding. Inquiring minds want to know. How is ogling naked women and getting lap dances more about male bonding than, say, poker night?

[Woggle]

Please enlighten us, Oh Woggly One. Tell us about the male bonding. Inquiring minds want to know. How is ogling naked women and getting lap dances more about male bonding than, say, poker night?

 

It's hard to explain to a woman but it is a rite of passage for a man. I used to hang around with some older guys when I was a teenager and when I turned 21 they took me to a strip club which let me know I was one of them. It is a place where men can be pigs and not have to PC. I know that strippers just do it for money but it is entertainment. Men can be men in a place like that and it is very liberating.

[rainfall]

It's hard to explain to a woman but it is a rite of passage for a man. I used to hang around with some older guys when I was a teenager and when I turned 21 they took me to a strip club which let me know I was one of them. It is a place where men can be pigs and not have to PC. I know that strippers just do it for money but it is entertainment. Men can be men in a place like that and it is very liberating.

 

Thats fine if you are single or with someone who feels the same as you. However in a relationship you need to consider your partner's feelings.

If they have a problem with you being around naked strangers and maybe having them touch you in a sexual way then a man should respect that.

 

A man will not die if he doesn't get to go to a strip club for his bachelor party. It will not harm his life in any way.

[Woggle]

Thats fine if you are single or with someone who feels the same as you. However in a relationship you need to consider your partner's feelings.

If they have a problem with you being around naked strangers and maybe having them touch you in a sexual way then a man should respect that.

 

A man will not die if he doesn't get to go to a strip club for his bachelor party. It will not harm his life in any way.

 

Any woman who would limit my freedom like that would not be in my life in the first place. If my wife is not happy with it the divorce court is only a few blocks away but luckily for me she is okay with it.

[jmargel]

Well then why even bother and even take that path to start with? Seems silly to even go and risk hurting a SO's feelings. I don't understand the value of it.

 

Because she told me to go. She trusts me enough, even in those situations that I would never do anything to hurt her. If she didn't want me to go, I wouldn't. Her feelings are more important than to goto a strip club.

 

However the real issue here is not just the strip club, but whether she trusts him enough to marry him.

[jmargel]

Any woman who would limit my freedom like that would not be in my life in the first place. If my wife is not happy with it the divorce court is only a few blocks away but luckily for me she is okay with it.

 

And I would assume you would be ok for her to goto men strip clubs, right?

[Woggle]

And I would assume you would be ok for her to goto men strip clubs, right?

 

Without a doubt. There are no double standards in my marriage from other side. We even watch tv and talk members of the opposite sex that we find attractive. That is how secure we are and how little jealousy there is.

[littlekitty]

Well, back to the original issue, I think it's bunk that a man would call off his wedding because he's not allowed to have strippers at his bachelor party.

 

Every guy I've known didn't have strippers at the bachelor party. How weird is that. Their fiancees forbade the strippers because alcohol + naked women = bad choices. I mean, who expects anyone to make logical, rational decisions when they are wasted off 19 shots of wild turkey? Am I the only one who doesn't think this is a trust issue?

 

I think those guys who would forgoe marriage in favor of strippers need their priorities re-aligned.

 

JMO, though. Take is with a grain of salt.

 

My take too BO. I mean jeez, if he's that sort of man, why would you even want to marry him?! I don't think it's jealousy or trust. I think it's a nasty guy....!

[Ladyjane14]

If memory serves, I believe it's JMargel here at LS, who I've seen address the subject of "topics and issues'. This thread seems like a pretty good example of that, as do most other threads having to do with sexual behavior.

 

Strippers, porn, flirting, etc....would seem at first glance to be issues... but I think on a larger scale they're only just topics. The larger issues seem to be communications, disrespect, controlling behavior, insecurity and such as that.

 

When it comes to subjects of controversial discussion like sex, I think we sometimes get distracted by the headlines.

 

If we were to throw away "strip clubs" as a topic, I think what we'd be seeing here is that the OP has been treated to some REALLY disrespectful, immature, and uncaring, behavior on the part of her boyfriend. It's little wonder that she's feeling insecure with him.

 

Not every woman automatically becomes defensive and insecure in regard to strip clubs and porn. Some do, some don't. But I think when you have larger issues in the relationship that already predispose one toward those feelings... the topic itself loses importance.

 

Just based on her posts, I see Carbine as already having problems with self esteem and body image. She's been very up-front about that with us. I can't imagine that she's been less so with her boyfriend. This seems to be a quite dominant factor in her overall outlook. It would be difficult for her to hide it.

 

So, I think there's a possibility she's working under the assumption that the entire issue is all about her own insecurity... when really her boyfriend isn't treating her very well. As I said earlier, he clearly does NOT prioritize her the way he should. And even worse... instead of working with her in a healthy way, he elects instead to exacerbate her insecurities.

 

While I can understand the necessity of setting boundaries with a partner who has an unhealthy level of jealousy, there comes a point at which you're just torturing them like an ant under a magnifying glass.

 

What I would suggest to you, Carbine.. is that you take the initative to address your body image and self-esteem issues. Contentment comes from within. It's not based on your outer appearance. Seek counseling if you're not making progress on that.

 

In the meantime, stop assuming that YOU are the only one with a problem. Just because you are weak in one area, doesn't mean that you're not strong in others. You've prioritized the relationship, recognized your own issues, and you seem to be fairly consistant in your willingness to meet your partner's ENs.

 

Your boyfriend, on the other hand, sounds like a fairly immature guy to me.... less MAN, than BOY really. He's said some extremely rude things to you, which, IMO you'd be wise to take note of. Particularly this example:

 

...To quote him during a recent argument: "If you weren't so f**king good in the sack, I'd dump you".....

 

Sometimes when your communications have pretty much gone to pot, it's really difficult to separate the wheat from the chaff. Taken into account with your post I cited earlier in the thread... there's a good possibility that you have "wheat" here.

 

Sure, alot of times folks say things they don't mean during an argument, but other times what we spit out at our partner when we're mad is EXACTLY what we think. Sometimes it takes a strong emotion like anger to get up the courage (or carelessness) to say it. Anger can make people reckless.

 

I think it's distinctly possible that you've attributed some important information to your own sense of insecurity rather than taking all the data at face value. A person with a higher level of self-esteem would probably not have discounted poor treatment from her mate of this caliber as "chaff" in as many instances as you apparently have.

[norajane]

Because she told me to go. She trusts me enough, even in those situations that I would never do anything to hurt her. If she didn't want me to go, I wouldn't. Her feelings are more important than to goto a strip club.

 

I believe you, and commend you for being more concerned for her feelings than anything else.

 

Please, guys, though, make sure you ask her about her feelings each time, and even if she tells you to go, please offer not to if she's at all uncomfortable or that particular night isn't a good one...like the night before your wedding!

 

There was a thread here a few weeks ago about the girl whose boyfriend wanted to go to some concert on New Year's Even, but could only get one ticket. She told him to go - because she didn't want to be "mean mommy", as she put it - and she didn't want to be controlling. She didn't want him to miss the concert, but she was hurt that he went without her.

 

So even if your girl is ok with the strip clubs in general, don't assume she'll always be ok with it. As LadyJane points out, communication is always a good thing.

[rtHawk]

Dear Carbine;

we have come across posts before:D

LadyJane said it with eloquence, truth and kindess...

I only wish to add one very small thing;

 

If you could expend this much energy and time and inner spirit on an individual who does, could and would continue to carry you and your needs in his highest regard, then that time and energy would be of worth in builiding greater communication and respect and mutual understandings.

It does seem though that the care, concern, and mindful regard for YOU, your feelings/needs and the health of the relationship is not his priority and so ..

I am sorry to ask, but wouldn't you wish to offer that heart and energy to one who can reciprocate?????????

 

ps, as far as Male bonding goes..

male bonding can and does happen at a basketball game, a bar with Sunday's ticket, a rugby match.....

men do not have to bond at a strip club to be MEN....

I know lots of guys who did NOT go to strip club for their Bucks nite--and you know what....they are still alive, breathing and have managed to survive!

[rainfall]

Any woman who would limit my freedom like that would not be in my life in the first place. If my wife is not happy with it the divorce court is only a few blocks away but luckily for me she is okay with it.

 

I don't think a women not wanting her man to go to strip clubs and get lap dances is wrong. I think it is just her wanting a man to be faithful.

I guess all long as both people understand how the other feels and agree on the issue it won't be a problem.

[Pink_Tulip]

I just wanted to poke my nose in here b/c I get so tired of the cliched responses that any woman who doesn't like strip clubs is either insecure or afraid her man would cheat. I remember Catgirl (where did she go?) once say that any behavior a man doesn't want to accept he gives the label 'insecure.'

 

I agree and find that so insulting. I am very secure in both my relationship and myself. I know if my man leaves, I can find another just as good, heck, maybe even better. But I know he won't cheat if he went to a strip club. So that's not an issue either.

 

I have a problem with men who find 'entertainment' in dehumanizing, objectifying, and degrading women. That is not a man I want to spend any amount of time with, and certainly not a man I want raising my daughter. I think the flippant attitude our society has developed about humanity is so sad and the cause of so many problems. Thankfully I have found someone who shares my beliefs and morals.

 

To the OP, I would have left that relationship a long time ago. You have some concerns with him going to a strip club, and he could care less about your feelings. Sure this is only one issue, but in marriage there are countless issues. Consider this your test run. If he disregards your feelings on this issue, he will do so on others. That is no marriage, and no way to live. Stop reading in to what he is saying, or thinking that he doesn't really mean it. HE DOES. That's the thing about men, they say what they mean. They are pretty straight forward. You will save yourself a lot of heartache if you end it now, IMO.

[Ladyjane14]

I get so tired of the cliched responses that any woman who doesn't like strip clubs is either insecure or afraid her man would cheat. I remember Catgirl (where did she go?) once say that any behavior a man doesn't want to accept he gives the label 'insecure.'

 

I don't think we're talking about blanket accusations toward the OP on the issue of "insecurity", Pink. In reading through her previous posts, she's been very open about her situation, describing it with remarkable candor. She, herself, has used words like "insecurity", as witnessed in the snips below.

 

My concern for her, is that while she's shown a terrific willingness to recognize problems in herself, a great character trait to be sure... maybe she's letting her boyfriend off the hook a little too easily because of it.

 

...I'm an extremely jealous person. My issues are more or less exclusively related to my looks and how i compare myself to other women. I guess i'm very bitter because I used to much skinnier and prettier and deeply resent myself for letting things go, and especially for not making myself stay thin....

 

...I can't stand the thought of a female who's hotter than me knowing that she's got some sort of power over my man and/or some sort of advantage over me....

 

...I'm always trying to figure out what a good looking chick is thinking when she's in the presence of both my BF and me. It infuriates me that she maybe thinking things like a) how much better looking than me she is,b) knowing that she can get my BF's attention with her looks, and c) knowing that my BF has probably registered her as being a sexy girl in his mind, although he's making an effort not to show it in fear of upsetting me....

 

...Initially, this guy and i were very attracted to eachother, but as it turned out, when he saw me in my warmer weather clothing, he lost interest in asking me out "because of the way you take care of yourself. Some of the angles i've seen from aren't your most attractive." I know deep down that i'll never be able to forget that i could have had the man of my dreams, if only I'd stayed thin and beautiful....

 

...The only justification i need for being so jealous and insecure is to look in the mirror every day. That's more than sufficient....

 

...The whole issue with more attractive women has turned into an obsession for me, and I think it's fair to say that in my mind, girls like this are the enemy/competition. Hence, I'm driven to find out everything i can about them, and thus where I stand realistically....

 

...He has his own mind and he understands how and why my behaviour springs from my non-existent self-esteem, a trait which he doesn't share....

[Pink_Tulip]

That wasn't in response to you or most of the others, it was in response to some of the men who posted on here with the typical, 'I am so glad my wife isn't so insecure, or so controlling, etc.' My last paragraph was directed at the OP. The rest was just me venting at the nonsense of many stereotypes here.

[Ladyjane14]

That wasn't in response to you or most of the others, it was in response to some of the men who posted on here with the typical, 'I am so glad my wife isn't so insecure, or so controlling, etc.' My last paragraph was directed at the OP. The rest was just me venting at the nonsense of many stereotypes here.

 

Got it.

 

You know, I was thinking more about this thread... and really, I'm just floored by this girl's self-awareness. We see so many anonymous posters come through LS, and sometimes they freely admit to truly bad behaviors. But more often than not... they qualify them emotionally.

 

"I'm cheating on my wife... but she doesn't give me enough sex."

 

"I'm sleeping with my boss... but his marriage is just a sham."

 

"I'm having an emotional affair with a guy I met on the internet... but my husband doesn't pay enough attention to me."

 

This lady just lays it down. No excuses. I like that.

 

I think she might do well though, to give herself a little more credit. Say for example, a person goes to physical therapy because of an injury. Part of the treatment might be to build up the other muscles around the wounded area in order to take some of the stress off.

 

I'm thinking this young lady is ALREADY doing enough to be proud of that if she'll give herself some extra brownie points for the good stuff... maybe it might take some anxiety out of the areas she's still working on.