Do all men do this???

[HOLLIE]

I have what i feel is a big problem.I am 31 and my wonderful husband is 33,He really is a great guy but he makes me feel UGLY.he does tell me i'm beautiful and so on but when some perfect looking blond walks by he has to take a look.over the weekend {he does not know that i know}i found him watching a pormo and masturbating!!!! AND this is not the first time.i feel he does this way to often,i do not get it, i'm very willing to have sex.so why does he feel the need to do it alone??.An i making something out of nothing? someone plz help asap-i want to talk to him about this when he get's home tonight,what do i say without sounding like a bitch?

[Lianne]

I'm a female but I think men looking at girls is a normal thing for men to do. Not neccessarily condonable but pretty normal. If this bothers you should tell him, it really makes you feel insecure and disrespected when he does this and encourage him not to do it anymore.

 

As far as the pornos, that's not unusual, sometimes men want to escape reality and have sex with themselves pretending they're with a "dirty slut" the things that go on in pornos are not things you'd want him to do to you (cumming on your face, slapping you, sex w/ stillettos) come on. Let him have his fantasy world and be happy he's not pressuring you to do the things he sees.

 

The brighter sid is that he's not watching them while he's with you.

[Richie]

First of all, did he tell you, you are ugly? Why do you think that he thinks you are ugly. If he sees some woman,it doesn't mean you are ugly. Haven't you ever stopped and noticed the beautiful rose flower in the garden, sunset with the blend of red and orange color, cute child, beautiful colors of the leaves etc. If i blame you, you look at those things because your husband is ugly. Will you accept it? Doesn't it sound stupid? Appreciating the beauty is not a sin or crime.

 

What bothers you if he sees porno or masturbates. It doesn't mean that he doesn't like or doesn't want to have sex with you. If you love your kid, does it mean that you don't love your husband?

 

Some people tend to personalize whatever others do or say. If the manager talk to his subordinate with frowning face, then the subordinate(who personalizes) may think, he doesn't like to talk to him. But in reality, the manager may have headache or he may want to pay close attention to what he says or he may be controling his urge to go to toilet etc.

 

Please don't irritate him by talking about this. Because he is not the problem. You have problem. People with low-self respect personalize others actions and words.

 

Take care,

 

Richie

[Cici]

Ok...I don't think you have a problem. It's understandable that seeing your husband do this would make you feel at least odd. Hell, I know I would be a little spooked to walk in on my boyfriend rubbing away...ick.

 

Now, it's normal for him to look at beautiful women. I mean, if a stack guy with like zero body fat walks by without a shirt, I'll definately get my eyeful. If he makes comments that make you feel less attractive, you should say that. Tell him to keep his comments to himself. But don't tell him to stop looking at other women.

 

As far as the porn goes, most guys watch it. It allows them to satisfy that desire to be dirty. But if it makes you uncomfortable, by all means explain that. Ask him how he would feel if he came accross you masturbating. Wouldn't it make him feel as if he didn't satisfy you? Then ask him ot explain why he does this so he can continue if he likes and at least you'll understand why he does it.

 

Good luck!