NY_Hunk Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Here is my story.. Been dating this girl for 2 years , she wanted 2 months space to evaluate her feelings and I gave it to her.Did the begging and pleading for forst 3-4 days and I gave her space , let her make contact...and then replied to her texts / emails and calls.Met her for two times during this time..it was great.We were intimate too..so thought the physical attraction part too is still there.After two months , she said she is still confused ...I gave her an ultimatum that if she does not decide , then I will move on ...she came back..agreed to try out once more..and we met for two weekends ..things were great..and third weekend , she would not confirm the date...nor pick my calls.and finally cancelled it in the last moment...I got pissed and told her tht she cannot take me for granted.She broke it off... Met her for some closure , told her not to contact me again...and did hard NC.She started emailing me after 20 days..and we met for cofee and then again after three weeks we met for dinner.I told her I am moving on...and might date other women.She broke down and said she wants to try it out again.I was going on a vacation for a month too..and said we will try again after I come back from my vacation.I went on my vacation and she went on hers...and when I landed..we met again..two weeks back..she broke down..said she has a lot of child hood baggage...and wants to go for therapy and she is back..but not fully and wants to take it SLOW.I agreed.She kept calling every single day for next week..and we met last weekend..had good time....and were intimate too.She said she will call me back monday , but she did not..and she has been avoiding me since then.I called her up today...to find out if she wants to get together over this weekend...she says she is going out of town with her girlfriend and is not giving a direct answer to anything.I have a strong feeling that she has her options open eventhough she told me last week that we are exclusive ...and then think she is yo-yoing again..and might fly off the hook any time as she did last time.Even when I called..I had a sence that she wanted to get off the phone asap..and did not seem like she is intrested to talk to me. Here is the catch , when we broke up , she put her profile on match.com and other dating sites and she was talking to few guys...and I checked again(sorry I know its wrong..but I have her passwords and can check her email too..)...and she is still talking to and going on random dates with different people from match.com.This is after she told me we are exclusive...and she is seeking therapy. I really love her to let her go...but at the same time...cannot see her abuse the trust(ofcource I broke it by checking her emails....)...but she should not be doing this...any idea on how to play this...so that our relationship is better.I plan on not checking her **** any more ..as its unhealthy and bad for my emotional rehab.. I am really confused here.Both of us are 31..and doing great professionally.I also trusted her and gave her about 20,000$ for part downpayment for her apartment last year..and she said she does not have the money to give it to me when she broke up with me.No written proof that I gave it to her...just that I gave a personal chq and wired some to her account. She is taking vacation after vacation...and makes me wonder what her real intentions are...not to return the money and keep me hanging untill she finds a better option..or is she really messed up in her head. Advice please...!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NY_Hunk Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 Just wanted to add...her wanting space..and then breaking it off..and then wating to try again..and yo-yoing has been going on since last six months almost. Dunno how long to wait before she sorts her feelings...and comes back fully.I had brought an expensive ring and was wanting to propose to her a couple of weeks before she wanted space..she does not know about it.I always thought she was the one. Both of us met each others parents...and actually her parents like me a lot and they call me ...and continued to call me every single week even after we broke up... Its fooking my head. Link to post Share on other sites
lorr Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I'm going to be pretty blunt but this woman was taking the living piss out of you, and she is certainly not into you whatsoever. You need to leave her be, as shes obviously got issues. As regards to the money that she owes you, it is understandbly a large amount.There for it is up to you to decide whether you want to pursue this matter further or realise that you have not a hope in hell in recovering the money back.IMHO I wouldn't even hold my breath, and very much doubt you'll see a penny of it. The best thing you can do is chalk it down to one of life's many experiences, and just gather every strength you've got and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author NY_Hunk Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 Lorr , thanks for the reply.I think shez got issues too.But its so difficult to let go.I have been trying to let go since last 6 months...and I am great for 20-25 days ..and she slowly wriggles back in to my life ...and then pulls back again. Classic distancer - pursuer cycle I guess. I initiated NC yesterday , did not tell her a word about it...but I am gonna try to cut her off completely...and start my emotional rehab all over again. Link to post Share on other sites
lorr Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I hope you carry through with NC for your sake. She is definitely playing mind games, and knows fully well that she can get away with treating you like a doormat. I know its hard but this is the time where you have to be "cruel to be kind".The only time she is going to have any sort of respect for you is when she realises that you mean business and you follow through with NC. If you make excuses for her behaviour and you take her back she will see you as weak and pathetic, and that is not how she should remember you. Stay strong,keep busy,be positive and know that there are decent women out there who will treat you with love and respect. Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleTouch Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 NY Hunk Take it from someone who has experienced everything you have detailed here almost word for word - move on! I could talk for hours about my experiences at the hands of someone such as your ex but the bottom line is your exgf's actions betray her words and this fact you must keep in perspective. Do not get into a situation where you start trying to understand and justify her feelings towards you because you wont be able to. If you go down that route any further you will run the risk of damaging yourself emotionally. Please trust me on this. If you want to discuss this privately then please PM me but for now acknowledge that you must withdraw from her life completely. NC period. She will come after you again and again but you are dealing with someone who emotionally is a train smash waiting to happen and she wants you on board. It must be the end of your relationship. Dont buy the ticket!! Link to post Share on other sites
Santiago 17 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Sorry to say, but it looks like this chick is taking you (maybe not on purpose some people are messed up!), Hope you are not out 20k, and you should not check her e-mail b/c if she finds out that looks really bad and I would hope that you want to keep things civil since she owes you 20k. Does she know you know her e-mail password? If so or even if not figure out a way to get her to change it!! Sorry can't think of a good way to accomplish that right now without telling her you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Here is my story.. Been dating this girl for 2 years , she wanted 2 months space to evaluate her feelings That was the end of the relationship, right then and there. "Space to evaluate feelings" is code for "I'm no longer interested in you." You should've disappeared. But, you keep going back for more abuse, and she's getting a real kick out of it. She owns you and she knows it. Met her for some closure , told her not to contact me again...and did hard NC.She started emailing me after 20 days..and we met for cofee and then again after three weeks we met for dinner. "hard NC" does not include taking her e-mails again and meeting for coffee/dinner. "hard NC" means she can't find you. period. I told her I am moving on...and might date other women.She broke down and said she wants to try it out again. Translation: "I'm still not interested in you, but I want to jerk you around some more." I also trusted her and gave her about 20,000$ for part downpayment for her apartment last year. WOW!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author NY_Hunk Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Thank you guys for your reply's.I am really beginning to think that if I continue with this any further I am gonna go insane.We live about 2 hours apart , and I was the one who was driving to her 9/10 times...and spent every single $ on our vacations and outings and dates.She is really messed up in her mind.I know for fact that she will be back begging...but I am done with her for good. Her mother called me yesterday ,and has mentioned that she is thinking seriously about me and even asked for her advice if she should get married to me etc..and she suggests I hangin there and give her time for few more months..and she will be back at any cost.Makes me wonder both mom and daughter are playing games , and want me as a backup plan so that if things do not work out with other blokes...then I could be the fall back guy. I feel disgusted with myself for allowing her to use me as a doormat...sucks.!!! InvisibleTouch - I am new to this site...is there a way to PM from this site ? my msn is [email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleTouch Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I think PM is for the priviledged few which doesn't include us at this point. Ive tried your email address and it isn't working. Is [email protected] correct? Link to post Share on other sites
Author NY_Hunk Posted January 12, 2007 Author Share Posted January 12, 2007 Oops...Its working now... [email protected] I will be online in an hour or so...its about 9.50AM EST. Link to post Share on other sites
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