Over for good?

[VeniceQueen]

Quick recap for those of you who aren't familiar with my situation: My boyfriend of a year and seven months broke up with me three months ago. Several weeks later he starts contacting me quite often and calls me up to say he misses me and wants to see me. A few days after Christmas we went out together and had a couple dates after that.

 

 

 

I thought the dates we had were really fun and relaxed and I was so happy to be with him again. Things seemed normal, or so I thought.

 

I sent him an e-mail saying how we should have one good talk about the problems we had and then move on and hopefully have a better relationship. I think I initated such a heavy conversation too soon, though, and I didn't hear from him for a couple days after that. I thought I had scared him off.

 

I got an e-mail from him a couple days later he said he was sorry for not contacting me, he just had to get some things figured out. He said he doesn't think getting back together is feasible. He was going on what used to be and after all that has happened, doesn't think we can get that back. He says he's changed more than he realizes and doesn't think he could commit to me the way I deserve. He's also very worried that my family hates him, even though this is not the case at all. He was very close with them and feels guilty being around them now.

 

We talked on the phone that night and were both pretty emotional. I didn't try to change his mind though. I'm wise enough now to know that never works.

 

He is the type of guy that builds a wall around himself so it was a little refreshing to hear some emotion come out of him. He revealed that he hasn't taken this easy at all, even when he tried to make me think he didn't care. He still cries when he thinks about all the memories we shared. He's in no way ready to see me with another guy. He said that I'm a sweetheart and a wonderful girl. He loves me still and thinks he always will. He doesn't want their to be bad blood between us. I agree, I think we're too good for that. This semester we're going to be bumping into each other A LOT at school, what with a shared class and lunch block so we might as well be nice to each other. He also thinks we're in the position to be good friends. This is something I'm open to but not really sure of. After all, I still love him.

 

He still wants to talk to me all the time. In our Theatre Production course he sits with my good friend and I and we joke around. He gives me compliments and is flirty. He IM's me a lot too.

 

What we had was precious and I guess I don't understand why things like that have to change. I really thought I would marry him. I guess it comes with being so young. I think we both took for granted all that we had together.

 

I've had a really hard time with this breakup. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find anything like what we had again. Now, I'm not insecure. I know I have so much to offer someone. I know he and I could move on and be just fine. After three months I know I can live without him and still have happiness. But I know what we can be and I'd still choose us.

 

 

At school and when I'm out and about I'm pretty good at putting on a happy face. I haven't stopped living and am focusing on my education, friends, and hobbies. I mostly lean on my mother and aunt and try not to bother my friends with this anymore. I don't want people to think I'm weak. That's why coming to Love Shack is so refreshing; you get honest, unbiased advice from people who won't judge you.

 

I still cry all the time. Nights are especially bad and I always feel a pang in my stomach when I think of him.

 

A part of me still hopes we'll be together one day. I still love him and it's going to take a damn long time to change that. I know I would take him back if he returned to me again. But I sure as hell wouldn't make it easy on him, and would be better at guarding my heart.

 

I don't know. A part of me still believes we are meant for each other. The way he looks at me, the things he still says to me, they way he wants to be around me all the time...I know he still loves me. I wish more than anything we could have salvaged our relationship.

 

But I know I have to live every day as if we'll never be together again.

 

I guess I just want some outsiders' perspective on all of this. Is it unrealistic to think we could reconcile again in the future? Why does he want to talk to me all the time? How do I act around him?

[paris38]

I can't answer the question is it over for good, but I would try to treat the situation as such after what he told you. From what I am understanding he told you he doesn't want to reconcile.

I know you see him on campus and in class but I would still try to practice NC. Make yourself invisible to him on IMs. Don't flirt back......This is more for yourself to heal and get over him rather than as a strategy to get him back because I think you have to take him at his word when he says he doesn't want to get back together....I don't know what else to say because he hasn't given you a choice except to get over him and move on.

[chrissymcal]

i dont agree with the previous poster...i think it sounds like the guy is gaga for you, but hes not ready for a commitment....

 

if he was ready to move on and he with some one else, he wouldve by now..

 

think of it this way, if you were another (prospective)female observing your relationship with him from the outside, would it not look like he was still hung up on you? i dont think any other female would even consider making a move on him when hes still hung up on you like that!

 

so i dont think you have to worry about him finding some one else, ...he wants you...but hes got cold feet. id say keep doing what your doing and see where it leads...maybe you need to try and take it to the next level by initiating a kiss or something?

 

i believe theres always another chance...