Addicted to Porn - non-religious sites for ?

[FemGuest]

Hi everyone. I'm 23, Female... and well, I think I'm addicted to porn. I have been with my bf for over 3.5 years and I love him dearly. I find him insanely attractive, but our sex life has diminished to next to nothing. He is trying to understand, and I know it wears on him when he has to masterbate when he has a long time girlfriend. I was sexually assaulted at age 18 and I figure that this may be playing some part in everything... some sort of delayed post traumatic stress perhaps? but I'm not sure. For the first two years of our relationship, our sex life was active and healthy.

 

While I have no drive to have sex with him, I do look at porn.. and masterbate, a lot. I always feel guilty and disgusting after doing so,both because i feel dirty and because i feel that im betraying him. he looks at porn himself, however we would have an active healthy sex life if it weren't for me. his porn viewing does not bother me. And if I still have a sex drive, and am still attracted to my bf, why am I not having sex with him?

 

I think there are a number of complex things going on with me, and I definately need psychiatric help. But I was hoping someone knew of an online resource, hopefully a forum where I could discuss this matter with other individuals that does not become religious in context. Most of the content I have seen so far involves god, or christ, or prayer, etcetera. While I was raised as a christian, and greatly respect everyone's religious beliefs... I don't really want to have to deal with the 'religious side' of this as I myself am not religious and no longer consider myself a christian. I seriously hope this does not offend anyone, because it is not meant to, in any way. I'm just really looking for some help here... I'm worried that this issue of mine may ruin my relationship and I'm terrified of that possibility.

 

Thank you -so- much in advance.

[lonelybird]

Well, you pretty shut down the most valuable resource to heal I could've known, then I don't know what to say. but

maybe your concept of your Christianlity is not right in the first place? I don't know. but i want you know God is not bunch of rules, HE is your personal consulter and healer.

and here is a useful website if you are interested

 

http://www.joycemeyer.org/default.htm

[Flyin in Clouds]

Well, uh... a woman that likes porn. or doesn't like porn because she feels bad (dirty?) afterwards?

 

I'd say you need some help, because (sorry to bring this into it) God wants you to enjoy sex. After all evolution wouldn't work if there was no "incentive" to have sex.

 

Maybe this would help...

 

The great pleasure a man can get from sex is knowing he's giving pleasure to his partner, and not just taking pleasure from her. Do you get pleasure from giving pleasure to your partner? Or is sex just seen by you as a selfish act because of your past misfortune?

 

And you are right that your current behavior will hurt your relationship. So I'd advise seeking professional help.

[lovebeyond]

How to avoid porn addiction on the Internet

1. Consider installing porn content filtering software( Strongly Recommend NetDog Porn Filter,you can get it from www.netdogsoft.com ) on your computer. it will help to protect you from stumbling into pornography by accident, That's important.

2. Do not try to guess what the address of a Web page is. Many pornographic sites have similar addresses of respectable sites. For example www . whitehouse . com is a porn site. The real address is www. whitehouse . gov

3. Never click on Web site addresses that you receive in an unsolicited email.

4. Do not open attachments that come in email that are unsolicited.

5. Use filtered search engines or reputable directories to find the information you need.

6. Do not search for terms like girls. Think before you enter a search term.

 

Stick with reputable sites.

If something looks questionable, don't let curiosity get the best of you. Delete it or close the window.

Internet Porn Filter Resource:

http://www.netdogsoft.com

[dropdeadlegs]

You have said that both you and your BF view pornographic material. Have you tried incorporating porn into your sexual life? If porn gets you hot and gives you the desire to masturbate it would make sense that viewing it would give you the desire for a sexual act with your BF.

 

That seems too easy, but I am interested in your experience with this option.

[Che]

You were right that you probably need to speak to a really good therapist in regards to maybe some things you may have been through in your past. As for the watching porn and feeling dirty, this would also be connected to some past experience that may have made you feel dirty, shameful, or/and guilty. I know this probably hasn't shed any light on things, but your answers are within you, you just have to let them out.

[norajane]

Did anything happen to trigger the change, since you had a healthy sex life before?

 

I second the suggestion that a therapist would really help you. Unfortunately, I don't know of any website that would help. Perhaps if you were to explore some sites for women who were sexually assaulted, that might be a good start. Since you are physically able to be aroused, but not to the point of wanting sex with a person, I'm of the opinion that your issue is related to the assault and having someone touching you. Maybe your bf didn't do anything to "cause" this change, but perhaps a sexual encounter you two had triggered a delayed reaction, as you put it.

 

The porn "addiction" is a symptom of your issue, the way you've chosen to cope (rather than with drugs or promiscuity). I don't think it IS your actual problem. The guilt you are feeling for choosing that outlet instead of having sex with your bf is just fueling the addiction, in a perverse way. And feeling "dirty" could be anything from the way you were raised to think of sex, to feeling bad that you are enjoying sex. Again, focus on the assault, do some reading on what survivors feel and how they have been affected - I think it might help some pieces fall into place.

 

As for your bf, please communicate openly with him about this, including how you are feeling guilty, dirty, etc. And tell him that you are trying to get help, because you don't want this situation to continue. It sounds like he's been supportive to some degree since this has gone on so long and he is staying with you - sounds like a keeper. So let him in on what's happening with you.