What NC is really all about

[stanchain]

What I thought,

To all of you on here that have listen to me pine, miss, and well for the most part whine about not having my ex in my life.... gosh things have changed. I cant lie and say that from time to time I do not think about what was or what could have been. I am thinking that is somewhat natural. But two weeks into NC my outlook and life have changed. I have been getting out of the house, meeting people having a lot of fun. And now, after not talking to her for almost 3 weeks... I cant really see having her in my life again. I mean if she was to turn around and tell me how sorry she was and how big a mistake it was for her to walk away and all that crap... I dont really think I would take her back.

And to all of you who are just starting NC.. .that is really what it is all about. It isnt so much about getting her/him back. it is about moving on with your life and seeing that... life goes on. I used to always say that I am Stanchain, I was Stanchain when I met you and will be Stanchain if you ever leave. Well I had forgot that and over the last 3 weeks (mainly last week) I have gotten more and more close to the person I used to be. Dont get me wrong in my opinion I have a ways to go. But my friends, family and co-workers can see the difference in my attitude, and personality. And I feel better in general.

By going out and being around the oppostie sex, I realized that there is nothing wrong with me... not only am I a good person, but it is her lost for not wanting to be around. So if you are starting NC and want your ex back, give it a few weeks and you will see that your ex... well is an ex for a reason. I was on here pining trying to figure out how to get her back, and wondering why she left... buying books, searching on hte internet, name it i was doing it. just like I am sure many of you are doing right now. Do what I did... listen to DAD of 3, Gunny, legs... everybody... and let them go. move on with your life. Yeah it is hard... I will admit that. But once you do it, not only will you feel better, you will also be able to put your life in perspective. And by the way.... my ex... SHE IS SO 2006.... HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Gunny376]

BOOOHAHAHAHA! (Evil laugh)!!!!

 

We've snacthed yet another one from the depths and grips of despair! The land of gloom and doom! The Valley of self doubt, and self pity!

 

Soon, soon we will make him invincible to heart ache, and heart break. Imprevious to snide comments, condenscending looks, double-speak, head games and, YES, dare I say it? Tears!

 

I pity the woman who plies her wiles upon Stanchain! Who is anything more than her true self, who is less than honest, giving, loving.

 

Here! Take the pebble from my hand Grasshopper!

 

(Seriously, glad to hear your finally are coming around!)

 

Remember! You've got to go out and find, and get with "THE ONE",......................before you can get with the Second, Third, Fourth,

(Jezz, I crack myself up sometimes! LOL!)

[stanchain]

BOOOHAHAHAHA! (Evil laugh)!!!!

 

We've snacthed yet another one from the depths and grips of despair! The land of gloom and doom! The Valley of self doubt, and self pity!

 

Soon, soon we will make him invincible to heart ache, and heart break. Imprevious to snide comments, condenscending looks, double-speak, head games and, YES, dare I say it? Tears!

 

I pity the woman who plies her wiles upon Stanchain! Who is anything more than her true self, who is less than honest, giving, loving.

 

Here! Take the pebble from my hand Grasshopper!

 

(Seriously, glad to hear your finally are coming around!)

 

Remember! You've got to go out and find, and get with "THE ONE",......................before you can get with the Second, Third, Fourth,

(Jezz, I crack myself up sometimes! LOL!)

 

Gunny, it was a long walk down a difficult path I can tell you that. You have walked the path before so you know what I mean. I have been going out pretty regular for the last week. I went from having one girls number in my phone to having 13-14 women's numbers in my phone. I havent really called too many of them. Have gone on two dates (with the same one) and today was my first day fo really calling and talking to them. Actually just got off the phone with one of the newest one. now part of me feels bad, cause I know that I am not going to get my heart involved with any of them... but on the other side of the fence... I am being honest and letting them know right from the begining that I am not looking for anything serious, just out having fun. So as long as I am being honest with them and myself I think it is ok. As far as the pebble goes... hold on to it... I am not completely over the hump yet. Give me another few weeks. Cause you know just like anybody else... we have our week moments. And until I finally do the one thing I have been putting off and putting off (sex with another woman) I do not feel like I am completely over it. I know that may sound stupid... but I have had a few chances... not recently (but since we broke up) and I wouldnt do it. So once I know I can do that with another woman... Then I will be back to grab the pebble.

 

There is one place that I had not looked... and it was there... only there where I was able to find what I was looking for...... and I finally found myself.......

[Antha]

Stanchain--I really agree with your post. I'd go into NC and back out over and over again (ex would draw me out, really). I wasn't doing NC to get him back, but to get over him. I can't say that I'm completely over him...but once I really did commit to not going out with him, talking to him on the phone for hours...once I cut him out of my life as much as I could (we have a child)...it hurt, but it lessened. I am just now in the beginning stages of "Who cares about him? I have my own life to live". I should have gone NC months ago.

 

And yes, I even went out on a date and have another one planned (with a different guy) this Saturday. Doing the same as you...being upfront and direct with them. It's nice to look in a person's eyes and see appreciation (not lust or horniness) but REAL APPRECIATION of the person that you are.

 

The ex is very PISSED that I've gone NC...but I don't care. That's his own problem. I need to heal and the best way to do that is without him.

 

So, the whole point of my post is to say that Stanchain is right. Give the NC time and it will do its magic, one way or the other.

[magichands]

The ex is very PISSED that I've gone NC...but I don't care. That's his own problem. I need to heal and the best way to do that is without him.

Succinctly put. (And I like it.)

[Mz. Pixie]

That's what we keep trying to explain, No contact is for you to have time to heal- not to manipulate them into coming back.

[riobikini]

Re:

 

Mz Pixie: " That's what we keep trying to explain, No contact is for you to have time to heal- not to manipulate them into coming back."

 

Ditto!!!

 

-Rio

[Gunny376]

That's what we keep trying to explain, No contact is for you to have time to heal- not to manipulate them into coming back.

 

 

In over sixty different cultures studied all over the world, the human mating cycle has been found to last about four years. In involves, attraction, infatuation, attachment, and detachment. Studies all around the glodbe confrims that passion usually ends.

 

Love and obsessive-compulsive disorder has a similar chemical profile in the brain.

 

Novelity triggers dopamine in the brain, which stimulates feelings of attraction.

October 2006 National Geographic

 

The bio-chemicals (aka hormones) that cause us to be attracted to, infatuated (in love), attached to and mate with each other is very strong and ultimately is driven by the human mating instinct to procreate and pass on one's own DNA, and is wired into the most primitive parts of our brain. These bio-chemical are as strong and as addictive as ampethemenes.

 

What an individual is expercing during a detachment, (aka "breakup), is a chemical withdrawal.

 

If you go strict NC ninety to one-hundred days, without getting involved with anyone on any level, (aka ~ Cold Turkey) and at the end of that period came into contact with your "Lost Love" you would more than likely wonder? "What did I ever see in this person?"

 

The rules that govern marriage, dating, etc are just societial and cultural myths, fallacies, customs that arose to govern the human matiing cycle. Many of them are outdated, going back thousands and hundreds of years, and serve no purpose in today's modern society, what with equal rights, no-fault divorce, women's lilberation.

 

When someone says, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you!" What their really are saying is that "I'm tired of mating with you, and want to go and mate with someone else!"

 

Everyone understands that its a man's nature to sow his seed, but what is not commonly recognize is that its a woman's nature to gather it.

 

Reconcile these cultural myths, fallacies, .........................lies? With the reality of your current day to day experiences and reality, and it will go a long way toward alieveating a lot of the un-necessary pain and suffering.

 

Am I saying that there's no such thing as long term, loving relationships? No. But its built on something that replaces the initial "attraction, infatuation, and attachment" and that something is "committiment to each other and the marriage" and a "genuine concen for each other" (aka each other best friend) and that is built over time.

 

The one single married group that was able to achieve are couple that have lot of children, (either that or neither one of them can simply afford to leave! LOL!)

 

In short, NC is

 

"Recovering from your addiction" to this other person.

[stanchain]

WoW!!! talk about funny. Well had date number... i dont know maybe 4 with the new girl i have been seeing and decided to go to a place called Mimi's cafe. Sat ate dinner went to a movie then she came back to my place. everything got a lil hot and having but i was unable to continue. NO... everything worked, just not sure if I am ready. But here is the funny part. The girl from last night came over to watch a movie... while she was hear I got a call from my ex's cousin again (one a week a go or so) saying she heard that I was out on a date at Mimi's. Now I did not see her, and the only person that knows me and knows her of course is my ex. So not only am have I gone 3 weeks without calling her. but she also got to see me out with another woman. Didnt even see her there (wasnt looking either). hopefully that is a little salt in her wounds huh gunny

[Mz. Pixie]

Didnt even see her there (wasnt looking either). hopefully that is a little salt in her wounds huh gunny

 

Nah, probably not because obviously she doesn't care or she would BE WITH YOU!

[Gunny376]

hopefully that is a little salt in her wounds huh gunny

 

Life's a bitch, ain't it!

[stanchain]

Nah, probably not because obviously she doesn't care or she would BE WITH YOU!

 

 

Hey, you could be right... but if it did not bother her at all.... why would she be on the phone telling her cousin about it and having her cousin call me? Not that I really care either way, but i just thought it was funny. Just like last week out of nowhere her cousin called me asking me how I was doing, hadnt talked to her cousin in almost a month. But yeah I know it is just because her cousin really cares about how I am doing right Pixie?