Girlfriend's Past with a twist

[Montan0]

So I've known this girl since grade school and have always been on the same page with her, we connect and really get along. She has been single for a year and is very relationship minded, close to her family, caring etc.

We have been dating for a short while, catching up with each other and really clicking. Now she has had long-term bf's and I was surprised to hear that she was involved in having sex with two guys not at the same time but in the same room when she was 15.

 

One of the guys is now married to her cousin and she is still friends with the other guy. We talked about this and she said it was a crappy time and she has had long-term relationships since. I said everybody has a past. Knowing one guy is now in her family and she is still friends with the other guy what is your take on this situation? It is still early in the relationship, she is a really good girl and I like the way things are going I just need some advice on what to make of the situation.

[Cecelius]

I know I wouldn't be into it -- granted, it was a short train but she pulled it never the less...

 

Seriously, I don't know that it means anything at all, other than that she was weak minded or vulnerable, or whatever.

 

It really comes down to your values. To me, I'd have trouble that she isn't embarrassed about it and still associates with the guys. This is the kind of thing that would make me wish her well, and walk away.

[norajane]

If everything that we ever did when we were 15 and young and stupid is held against us, none of us would have a relationship, ever.

 

You could look at this situation and say that she is an amazing person for being able to move past a bad start and possibly a traumatic situation in her life. She's stronger for it, and if she can find it in her heart to forgive and forget, why would you hold that against her. Those guys probably regret what happened, and they were probably young and stupid, too.

[blind_otter]

If everything that we ever did when we were 15 and young and stupid is held against us, none of us would have a relationship, ever.

 

Word. I agree with NJ.

[Montan0]

I know I wouldn't be into it -- granted, it was a short train but she pulled it never the less...

 

Seriously, I don't know that it means anything at all, other than that she was weak minded or vulnerable, or whatever.

 

It really comes down to your values. To me, I'd have trouble that she isn't embarrassed about it and still associates with the guys. This is the kind of thing that would make me wish her well, and walk away.

 

Yeah she didn't bring it up, I heard about it and asked her about it. She said she is embarassed about it and she isn't into stuff like that. The only thing I think about is the future and if I can see myself with this person given the situation or if it wouldn't be worth trying to build something.

[Cecelius]

Thing is, you don't know her that well, and it's not judging her to decide that this just isn't your thing. Plus, if you know about it because you heard from someplace else, so too is this going to follow her.

 

If you don't care (and if you didn't you wouldn't post) then fine. If you care, then gently let her off the hook -- she can go find someone who does not know and move on.

 

If you do stay with her, though, at least you know she's experimental...

[Salicious Crumb]

I'd say this isn't the girl for you. Leave the relationship and move on.

 

I am not saying that because she is no good. She didn't cheat on you and it happened before you dated.

 

But could you really have a long-term relationship with this girl? Think you want to get married to her and then have another guy in the family that you will have to see at get-togethers knowing him and another guy double-teamed her?

 

If it were someone you don't know and wouldn't see on a regular basis, I'd say its your call...but since one of the double-teamers is now in her family...I don't think it would be good.

[Javelin]

I'd say this isn't the girl for you. Leave the relationship and move on.

 

I am not saying that because she is no good. She didn't cheat on you and it happened before you dated.

 

But could you really have a long-term relationship with this girl? Think you want to get married to her and then have another guy in the family that you will have to see at get-togethers knowing him and another guy double-teamed her?

 

If it were someone you don't know and wouldn't see on a regular basis, I'd say its your call...but since one of the double-teamers is now in her family...I don't think it would be good.

 

Damn I'm not even in the situation, but dayum; that's a good point.

[lovelorcet]

I'd say this isn't the girl for you. Leave the relationship and move on.

 

I am not saying that because she is no good. She didn't cheat on you and it happened before you dated.

 

But could you really have a long-term relationship with this girl? Think you want to get married to her and then have another guy in the family that you will have to see at get-togethers knowing him and another guy double-teamed her?

 

If it were someone you don't know and wouldn't see on a regular basis, I'd say its your call...but since one of the double-teamers is now in her family...I don't think it would be good.

 

 

This is a good point...

 

But I would give the gal a chance, feel her out a bit and see what she is like. Don't forget she was 15 do you realize who young that is?

[Flyin in Clouds]

...I was surprised to hear that she was involved in having sex with two guys not at the same time but in the same room when she was 15. .

 

sluts can be a lot of fun...

 

Those guys probably regret what happened, and they were probably young and stupid, too.

norajane you gotta be kidding me. Right? You're kidding?

 

Do women really not get guys?

 

Seriously you're thinking like a woman, not like a man. Men don't regret having sex.

 

if she can find it in her heart to forgive and forget, why would you hold that against her

Uh, because men don't ever like to think that the mother of their children are or were sluts. It kind of grates on us. Well most of us. Some guys actually do like their woman to be a slut... the more men they have the merrier. But most of us don't like it.

 

Pay careful attention to the gender of the responders. Men and women view this differently.

 

But I would give the gal a chance, feel her out a bit and see what she is like.

Feel her out or up?

 

Don't forget she was 15 do you realize who young that is?

So youth excuses immorality? Look it's her character that is flawed and doing that at that age says a whole lot about her character.

 

It's up to you, but personally, I'd have fun with her but I sure as hell wouldn't consider her as a life partner.

 

So Montan0 will you ever, down the road, be jealous of the fact she had a threesome of sorts and you haven't? (assuming you haven't). Would that be an issue? She's had more experiences than you? How do you feel about it? How might you feel about it 10 or 20 years from now. Missed an opportunity to be a little wild, while wifey was wild?

[lovelorcet]

Let me get this straight... You are going to judge the morality of someone based on something they did with 15?

 

And then in the next line you tell this guy to use this girl for his own fun and then kick her to the curb...

 

Wow, I guess I dont know what to say...

[Salicious Crumb]

So I've known this girl since grade school and have always been on the same page with her, we connect and really get along. She has been single for a year and is very relationship minded, close to her family, caring etc.

We have been dating for a short while, catching up with each other and really clicking. Now she has had long-term bf's and I was surprised to hear that she was involved in having sex with two guys not at the same time but in the same room when she was 15.

 

One of the guys is now married to her cousin and she is still friends with the other guy. We talked about this and she said it was a crappy time and she has had long-term relationships since. I said everybody has a past. Knowing one guy is now in her family and she is still friends with the other guy what is your take on this situation? It is still early in the relationship, she is a really good girl and I like the way things are going I just need some advice on what to make of the situation.

 

So the question is, are you prepared to marry this girl knowing you will see this other guy at family functions?

[Montan0]

So the question is, are you prepared to marry this girl knowing you will see this other guy at family functions?

 

Yeah that is the question. You look towards the future and try to see what kinds of problems you will run into and having that person in the family would be something that you would have to get over or would be the main factor in ending the relationship. It is a weird situation and I have asked friends for advice about and some have said that it was done in the past and that you would do the same, you shouldn't judge her differently just because she is a girl. I see this side and am giving her a chance right now. We are still seeing each other but who knows how long it will last. We are still getting used to each other and may realize that we are not the right fit.

[Cecelius]

Long term this isn't good for you. You don't need to hate her, or think less of her, to simply conclude it's not right for you.

 

She may have all the right in the world to recover from past skanky things (I believe she does) but that doesn't mean you have to be the person who stays with her.

 

Don't be Captain Save _ __. It's not your job.

 

If you love her, and don't care, then stay.

 

If you care, you can't love her in a way that will be good for either of you.

[Flyin in Clouds]

Let me get this straight... You are going to judge the morality of someone based on something they did with 15?

 

Yeap. Personalities are pretty well fixed by that age. In fact there is evidence that they are fixed by about seven.

 

I don't buy the "I was young" excuse for stupid, hurtful and immoral behavior. If a person doesn't know right from wrong by 15, that says something rather important.

 

And so you know where I'm coming form, I think any kid that murders some regardless of age should face a death penality. Sorry. Don't want to be executed, don't murder people.

 

And then in the next line you tell this guy to use this girl for his own fun and then kick her to the curb...

Hey, it's just my advise. While I could have fun with such a woman (I've always wanted to do a MFM threesome with some willing female and friend), I sure wouldn't want her for a life partner. Except maybe I would, if she was willing to continue her slut ways, say swinging and such. That might work. But if she says, sorry, no wild sex any more, then I wouldn't want her. I wouldn't get past "she did it with them, but wouldn't with me".

 

The other factor as others mentioned already is she did these things with people that are now part of the family. Makes for an interesting Thanskgiving dinner.

 

Wow, I guess I dont know what to say...

You're probably even more speechless now.

[lovelorcet]

Speechless now... Not really, your views are simply driven by ignorence and insecurity.

 

It is very interesting how you speak of morals on the one had but on the other you are ready to put other peolple, let alone minors to death... And have your fun with sluty chicks....

 

So it is ok for a guy to have 2 girls but not for a woman to do this?

 

 

Like I said... Ignorance and insecurity...

[Salicious Crumb]

This is a good point...

 

But I would give the gal a chance, feel her out a bit and see what she is like. Don't forget she was 15 do you realize who young that is?

 

I realize she was 15...but that is really irrelevant to the point. It will be awkward for her, for her bf, her cousin, and the guy that married her.

 

Thats why, especially for her sake, she should leave the past in the past if she wants to have a relationship with someone. Like I said, it would be different if they guy that doubled on her wasn't in her family now.