Men and memories....

[love_u_4ever]

Do men often think about their past relationships while they are in new ones? Do they make comparisons??

My BF (we have been together almost a year) has never had a relationship longer than 6 months (well except in early highschool) and his last one ended 2 and a half years ago (it was just under 6 months and was ended by her)

I know alot of this is just my own obsessions and insecurities - but from a guys point of view how often does an ex cross your mind?

[precious99]

Hi! I'm not guy but just from my perspective when I think of my past I think of events....moments.....and memories. Most don't involve sex and even when they do it's not specific - I can remember certain "times" but it's not like I put myself back in that place or can imagine the feelings that were involved then .

I mean at first when you break up - sure - but you said it had been two and a half years for your guy.....my BF has trouble remembering last week....so I can't imagine he can remember an ex naked...LOL...

Maybe it's different for guys. But I wouldn't worry about it too much - if he's with you and he loves you just be happy - so many people would love to have just that....

[MystifiedByMen]

Yes, my ex told me so. I do the same too. We can't help it. It's a way for us to learn what we want in a relationship. We have a mental checklist that we like and didn't like from past g/f's or b/f's and try to find somethign more positive from what we learned in the past using our little mental checklist. It's normal.

[Woggle]

I think about my ex but I know we will never be together again no matter what. Sometimes I think it has more to do with the remembering the time.

[Rooster_DAR]

As a man I think the answer is yes. I think everyone thinks about their EX at some point. A lot depends if the EX is someone they really loved or not, or if their EX did not hold there heart at all.

 

Overall answer, yes!

[Flyin in Clouds]

Do men often think about their past relationships while they are in new ones? Do they make comparisons??

My BF (we have been together almost a year) has never had a relationship longer than 6 months (well except in early highschool) and his last one ended 2 and a half years ago (it was just under 6 months and was ended by her)

I know alot of this is just my own obsessions and insecurities - but from a guys point of view how often does an ex cross your mind?

 

From a guys point of view? From this guys POV? Married now 32 years. Mostly happily. Like all marriages it's had it's ups and downs.

 

Now do I ever think of my old GFs? Yes. Often. My first love, high school, 4 years going steady, broke up sophomore college. Haven't seen her since, 35 years ago. I still think of her. How could I not? Do I love my wife less? Heck no. My wife is the best woman for me. Far better than my first GF would have been. But I remember my first love, and my second. I don't think a man ever forgets a woman he loved. Women get seared into our brains. I remember one of my wife's company events. Someone was trying to introduce me to one of my wife's co-workers. I just looked at the guy like he was an idiot and wanted to say, "How in the hell could I forget a beautifuy face like Sue's"? Of course I didn't forget her face, or any woman I've known. Their husbands - can't remember 'em. The women. Clear as a bell.

 

Comparisons? How can a man compare women? It's like apples and oranges. Both are good. Both are sweet. They are just different. One isn't better than the other. I think of women like roses. All different shapes and colors and scents. And all lovely. How can I say one rose is better or prettier than another? They are all beautiful and wonderful. And of course every rose has it's thorns.

 

Ah, but what about my wife? Isn't she above all others? Yes, but not because others are less beautiful or less fragrant. She's above all others because she tells me she acutally likes my ugly face. She stands out from all the other roses because she tells me she actually loves me. Me. Worthless old me. That's why she's so special to me.

 

So worry not. If you make your man feel that he is the center of your universe, that he his your King, you won't need to worry that his thoughts drifting back to the earlier women in his life. His toughts surely will. But he'll be more than glad you are the one he ended up sleeping with tonight. From all the other frogs in the pond, you choose to make him your Prince.

[Salicious Crumb]

Oh I think its normal for men AND women to think about past relationships at some time...but the thoughts are not important.

 

I usually think about past relationships in the sense that, if I see certain behavior from a girl/woman that I remember from a past relationship that I didn't like, I take that into account.

 

For instance, I never had a girl that was worthy of trust if she liked to go clubbing all the time. Not a one of them was faithful..but then again we are talking about 3 of them.

 

So I started dating a girl when I was about 23 and I thought it might go somewhere...then all of a sudden she started going to these techno clubs with her friends....I told her how I felt and she let me know that she cares about me, but she isn't going to stop going....so she was history.

 

Anyway, didn't mean to get off on a tangent there.

 

In answer to your 2nd question...no, I do not make comparisons...whats the point? If I really like the person I'm with...then nobody else CAN compare. I don't care who it is.

[princessa]

From a guys point of view? From this guys POV? Married now 32 years. Mostly happily. Like all marriages it's had it's ups and downs.

 

Now do I ever think of my old GFs? Yes. Often. My first love, high school, 4 years going steady, broke up sophomore college. Haven't seen her since, 35 years ago. I still think of her. How could I not? Do I love my wife less? Heck no. My wife is the best woman for me. Far better than my first GF would have been. But I remember my first love, and my second. I don't think a man ever forgets a woman he loved. Women get seared into our brains. I remember one of my wife's company events. Someone was trying to introduce me to one of my wife's co-workers. I just looked at the guy like he was an idiot and wanted to say, "How in the hell could I forget a beautifuy face like Sue's"? Of course I didn't forget her face, or any woman I've known. Their husbands - can't remember 'em. The women. Clear as a bell.

 

Comparisons? How can a man compare women? It's like apples and oranges. Both are good. Both are sweet. They are just different. One isn't better than the other. I think of women like roses. All different shapes and colors and scents. And all lovely. How can I say one rose is better or prettier than another? They are all beautiful and wonderful. And of course every rose has it's thorns.

 

Ah, but what about my wife? Isn't she above all others? Yes, but not because others are less beautiful or less fragrant. She's above all others because she tells me she acutally likes my ugly face. She stands out from all the other roses because she tells me she actually loves me. Me. Worthless old me. That's why she's so special to me.

 

So worry not. If you make your man feel that he is the center of your universe, that he his your King, you won't need to worry that his thoughts drifting back to the earlier women in his life. His toughts surely will. But he'll be more than glad you are the one he ended up sleeping with tonight. From all the other frogs in the pond, you choose to make him your Prince.

 

Ohh I love that post

[bleedinghrt]

I think about my ex husband often, We started dating when I was 17 married at 18 and divorced at 32. How could I not think about him? I am with a man for 2 years now and we have a beautiful newborn daughter, but I miss my friend.

My ex and I dont talk at all due to his new wife. I think about all the dreams that will never be fullfilled. When something great happens in my life I want to call him and tell him about it.

I think about the witch that he married to and how sad I am for him .I let him go so he could find "happiness" instead he found the grass is greener because there is a septic tank there.

 

I dont think you can spend so many years with a person and not think about them.

[revolutionphilosophy]

From a guys point of view? From this guys POV? Married now 32 years. Mostly happily. Like all marriages it's had it's ups and downs.

 

Now do I ever think of my old GFs? Yes. Often. My first love, high school, 4 years going steady, broke up sophomore college. Haven't seen her since, 35 years ago. I still think of her. How could I not? Do I love my wife less? Heck no. My wife is the best woman for me. Far better than my first GF would have been. But I remember my first love, and my second. I don't think a man ever forgets a woman he loved. Women get seared into our brains. I remember one of my wife's company events. Someone was trying to introduce me to one of my wife's co-workers. I just looked at the guy like he was an idiot and wanted to say, "How in the hell could I forget a beautifuy face like Sue's"? Of course I didn't forget her face, or any woman I've known. Their husbands - can't remember 'em. The women. Clear as a bell.

 

Comparisons? How can a man compare women? It's like apples and oranges. Both are good. Both are sweet. They are just different. One isn't better than the other. I think of women like roses. All different shapes and colors and scents. And all lovely. How can I say one rose is better or prettier than another? They are all beautiful and wonderful. And of course every rose has it's thorns.

 

Ah, but what about my wife? Isn't she above all others? Yes, but not because others are less beautiful or less fragrant. She's above all others because she tells me she acutally likes my ugly face. She stands out from all the other roses because she tells me she actually loves me. Me. Worthless old me. That's why she's so special to me.

 

So worry not. If you make your man feel that he is the center of your universe, that he his your King, you won't need to worry that his thoughts drifting back to the earlier women in his life. His toughts surely will. But he'll be more than glad you are the one he ended up sleeping with tonight. From all the other frogs in the pond, you choose to make him your Prince.

 

you know... I was going to make a post in this thread... but really and truly... after what Flyin has written here... I don't think there's anything else that needs to be said.

 

Seriously.

[orangehose]

Do men often think about their past relationships while they are in new ones? Do they make comparisons??

My BF (we have been together almost a year) has never had a relationship longer than 6 months (well except in early highschool) and his last one ended 2 and a half years ago (it was just under 6 months and was ended by her)

I know alot of this is just my own obsessions and insecurities - but from a guys point of view how often does an ex cross your mind?

 

Is this your first relationship? Sometimes worries about comparisons result from the lack of having your own past. It sounds like your boyfriend hasn't said anything to make you feel insecure about this, which is good.

 

I've only been in one relationship, but it was definitely tainted by this issue. My (now ex) boyfriend had had several relationships, but the one that stood out the most to him was his last one. He told me a few months into our relationship that she was his great love, they were going to get married, he'd go back to her if she wanted him back even years from now... I tried to break up with him, but he claimed to no longer be in love with her, so I agreed to continue. The issue simmered in the background for 9 more months - it bothered me, but I didn't bring it up, and eventually ti was one reason I broke up again. In the conversations we had during the breakup process, the 'ex issue' resurfaced, and it was clear that he had compared me to her internally and still probably liked her better. And then he tried to contact her again...

 

Anyway, my point is that people probably do make comparisons, but as long as they focus their undivided love on you in the present, you shouldn't worry about it.