milvushina Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I don't know where to put this! I'm not dating, but I guess you could call this jealousy...maybe. Sorry if it's a little verbose. The thing is, my husband has this girl friend that acts very weird. I could give specific examples, but I'm afraid of rambling. I'll just say that she acts very clingy, and has some delusions about how close they are. I don't dislike her as a person, I just don't like feeling as though I don't know what she expects from my husband. She has a lot of problems. She's bisexual and has had sex with most of her friends. Every time she has a guy friend she gets into it with their SO's and as a result she often comes over upset about losing some friend. Sometimes she will come over and make small talk and stuff, with tears in her eyes the whole time but let on like nothing's wrong. I've asked her if she's alright before and gotten an answer like, "Why? Do I seem like I'm not alright?" even while her eyes are brimming with tears. Stuff like that kind of makes us uncomfortable and is a little freaky. I'm not sure what I'm asking. Some of her actions suggest she is interested in my H, but she's never made an outright move since we've been together. They did screw around about a year before he met me, while she was in a relationship with a friend of theirs with whom she has kids. He told her it didn't feel right, I don't know if it was because of their friendship or my husband's friendship with her then boyfriend. I really don't like that, but I try to let it go. My H doesn't like to talk about it and I'm sure she doesn't know he told me. My husband just won't either be friendly toward her or stop talking to her. He treats her like crap and I don't know why she still thinks they are friends. She will leave messages on his cell phone sobbing for him to call her and he just rolls his eyes. I usually end up inviting her over, taking her out for drinks, anything to keep from seeing someone act victimized like that. She's come over before and stood in the doorway like a puppy trying to figure out if he was serious or not when he told her not to come in. There were a lot of things about her I had a serious problem with when we first started dating, but I have to admit the past 6 months or so she's been pretty good. Still weird, but not coming into the house while he's alseep and crawling into bed with him, weird. Yeah, that happened. She's a freak. I'm pretty sure she'd be crushed if he told her he didn't want to be her friend anymore. He's told her in every way but giving her a speech. I can't imagine saying that to someone, and I don't want him to. Regardless, there are times when I find the thought of her highly irritating. She's hard to forget about as one thing she does is call him obsessively. Thoughts? I know this is kind of weird. I don't know if I'm jealous of her or not, but I do know I don't trust her, and have absolutely no idea what to do about it (if anything). Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Woah, this is the land of "no boundaries" between him and this female friend. She might balk at boundary setting, but if you are gentle but firm, I think she might respond. Although with her behavior as odd as it is I would be worried about her mental stability. Have you ever talked to her yourself, without H present, about the inappropriate behavior she's acting out? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 He treats her like crap and I don't know why she still thinks they are friends. I don't know. Either treat people with respect, or - when you simply don't respect them - cut them out of your life. If your H. can't bear to say no to her, then I guess he doesn't think she's that annoying. I don't think you need to feel responsible for picking up the pieces. If being in H.'s life means that she's in yours too, and this is not acceptable to you, then you should talk to H. Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author milvushina Posted January 11, 2007 Author Share Posted January 11, 2007 I dunno, I thought the same thing, mr. elephant, but he really acts like he doesn't care about her at all. She calls 4-5 days a week (and that is a lot less than she used to call) and he will answer a call from her maybe twice a month. Calls her back less. She still merrily leaves messages, like that's normal. We see her often because she drops in after her calls go unanswered. I have never seen anyone greet a friend so unenthusiastically as he greets her. It's pretty obvious he doesn't respect her, and I totally agree with you; if it was me, I'd end the friendship. Maybe he doesn't know how to do that or ... I have no idea. I have talked to him about it; but it comes down to me thinking that he should take a stand and either like her or not like her, and it's his friend so I can't make him do that. You're right though, it's not up to me to step in, it's just hard. Blind otter, I have never talked to her alone. When we've gone out, it's kinda awkward because we are not two people who would choose to be friends. At first she tried to get a little buddy buddy with me, but I figured it was just to keep me from asking the husband not to hang out with her. Yeah, she has problems. I think part of the reason why he is so rude to her is because she's kind of a crack head. I have no idea how to go about talking to her myself. Thanks a lot, for your advice so far... this is an issue that nags at me sometimes. She's been calling a few times a day every day this week, that's why I'm thinking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Your husband has to take the bull by the horns and TELL HER to back off. He's being rude to her, not too nice and she still isn't getting the message...Which either means she doesn't care, or she hasn't noticed because she's loving drama in her life, the word revolves around her so the THOUGHT of someone giving her hints to more or less F OFF isn't going to be noticed by her... Talk to your husband about this...You don't want this woman in your life! She will SUCK you into her crap, and all her problems...I mean, what if she has money issues??? Who's door do you think she's going to knock on?? Time to say goodbye to this woman and your husband has to start saying he's busy, he can't talk...and then comes the talk of "it would be best if you didn't call me anymore..." Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 You don't want this woman in your life! She will SUCK you into her crap, and all her problems... You heartless bitch! Just kidding... kidding... kidding. I have just always wanted to say that. To you, I mean. Life is hard when you don't have any friends. But I'm inclined to think it's even harder when none of your friends are real. (And I don't mean imaginary friends, because I have some, and those are cool.) Something to think about. Or not. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 You heartless bitch! Just kidding... kidding... kidding. I have just always wanted to say that. To you, I mean. You're odd. Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 13, 2007 Share Posted January 13, 2007 You're odd. I'm just looking for my other "sock," so to speak. I'm sure I was meant to be paired up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author milvushina Posted February 7, 2007 Author Share Posted February 7, 2007 Well, I know this is a comparatively boring topic, but it's been the source of so much frustration to me. We moved across town early Jan. and she has stopped dropping in. I guess she won't drive all the way across town to see someone who ignores her calls. My husband actually had me talking to her, because when she left a message that made me feel sorry for her, or called over and over, I'd say it bothered me, and I guess he basically said, "Well you talk to her then." So after a couple of weeks of only me answering her calls or only me calling her back, she quit ringing. The last time I talked to her, she didn't sound very happy at all. My husband thinks it's funny, because as he put it I always sound so nice and years of him being rude as hell didn't put her off at all. I think it knocked me down a couple of notches because honestly, even though I don't particularly want her around I guess I thought she enjoyed hearing from me. And of course she didn't. My husband said sooner or later she'll either break up with her bf or realize she hasn't spoken to my H in a while and start calling. I told him if that happens, he might consider telling her that they don't have much in common and it's best if they don't talk. I've never, ever suggested to anyone that they get rid of a friend so I felt really guilty right away and he laughed at me. He didn't get mad because he knows the only judgment I pass on his friends is whether or not they want good things for him. Besides when I asked him how he'd feel if I had a male friend who acted like her, he said he'd beat his a$$ Link to post Share on other sites
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