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How can I leave without feeling guilty/selfish?


llgla

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RecordProducer

So your mom was mentally ill and not very capable of being a good mother. Your dad is a cold person. I figure your aunt and uncle took care of you while your mom was institutionalized or just not feeling well. But this is really sad that you lost your warm home at such young age. You never developed a close relationship with your parents. Really sad. I ma sorry. I hope your life in the future turns out much better than your childhood. You need to get away from your father. He just reminds you of unhappiness and misery.

 

The rest of my life with them is more-less a repetition of the above (besides the grandma part).
I am sorry, but this sounded really funny to me. :laugh: You basically said she only died once.
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My mum did went to a mental institution for a period of time. During the time she's not around my father handed me over to my neighbours. She was released after they concluded that she's non-violent.

 

The following may be off-topic but hey, I feel like writing tonite.

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My mother had this imaginary world. She communicated with these imaginary pple (who apparently lives in the skies) by shouting (she does this both indoors and outdoors). It's a nuisance to others and sometimes the police would have to come to stop her.

 

Sometimes she would try to relate me to her imaginary world. It's very creepy when you're 8 and your mother thinks you're married and wants your husband to uhm give u a baby yet she could remember I have to go to school the next day.

 

As u can tell by now, I have to fend for myself a lot. I am not proud of it though. It's not how a family should function.

 

I had a very bad fever once when I was still a kid. Till this day I couldn't accept what my parents did. I was very weak and hungry. I couldn't stand or walk properly yet they refused to help me get some food (nothing available in kitchen or fridge) We live very close to eateries so I thought it should be alright if I just walk out and grab a bite. For some reason, I couldn't make it that far. I was very close to fainting when I looked up and saw a drinks vending machine. I was never so happy to see milk in a vending machine.

 

I'm kinda relieved my mother's s gone actually. It takes away a lot of tension and stress from the 3 of us. I'm sure she's in a happier place.

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RecordProducer

I am sorry you had to go through all this. But it's over now. You have a whole life ahead of you.

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