Ace Posted September 1, 2002 Share Posted September 1, 2002 I have been single for about 5 months now after being with my first and only girlfriend for nearly 6 years. I am 22 now. We started dating when I was 16. I have thought that the single life has been pretty cool, but I am starting to get that lonely feeling. My ex and I also didn't have sex, so I am a virgin, which is posing a problem because I feel so uncomfortable about the whole sex thing. I have been told by numerous girls and friends that I am "hot", but for some reason, I can't seem to get a girl because I have no game at all. My roomate swears if you are a hot guy, you won't have to do much, but that isn't getting me anywhere. For now, I am not pursuing any girls and my plan was to see if anything happened, but nothing has yet. I am getting a little frustrated at this point. I am the type of guy that doesn't eye goggle of a girl and kiss their ass. I see guys like that at the bar and it just makes me laugh. Also, while at the bar, I almost feel bad if I start grinding with some girl. You never know if she is going to like it or not so I usually just chill in the back and drink my Heineken. I don't want the girl to think that I am just another guy, do you know what I mean? This is somewhat good for me though because I thought that I could survive without anyone. Well, I think I am wrong. For now, I will just continue to go to class and to the gym. I have had a lot of time to work on myself and have time to lift and run at the gym. It has definately improved my self esteem, but I still feel intimidated around hot girls. So what do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted September 1, 2002 Share Posted September 1, 2002 Ace, The two problems I can see are that you are focussing on looks and sex too early. You approach women with the thoughts of 'gee I look great today but why isn't she responding?' and 'I feel wierd about sex how am I gonna handle it'. Pretty sure fire ways to scare them away. I think early on, when you first meet, women (and even many younger women around your age) want to more about you as a person, so you need to talk with them, show enthuisaism and interest in what they are doing, and take the above thoughts out of your head. Early on women tend to respond to confidence and intelligence, and some respond to sex appeal to but only if the former two are there. So go out there and focus on showing her how intersting you are, and that you are a good listener..and forget about the sex part completely, that will at least get some of the confidence back. I thought you were seeking companionship anyway?..you are not acting like it. Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
velvet Posted September 1, 2002 Share Posted September 1, 2002 Sounds like your not ready if your sitting in the corner talk to your beer. When you see someone you would like to meet than approach her. If she isn't interested you will notice by her lack of focus and interest. Pretty simple. Most people are very easy to talk to. If you don't have instant chemistry between each other thats fine too. Instead of looking for women as a potential girlfriend look for friends and see what happens from there. Link to post Share on other sites
Ally Boo Posted September 1, 2002 Share Posted September 1, 2002 Sounds to me like you have no confidence. Talk to someone like a professional to get past your social issues. Lets face it, most girls DONT come to guys. They want them to make the first move in most cases....you sitting back there isn't going to make your fear of rejection any better...bc either way, you're going nowhere. You've got some stuff to work through before you head into a relationship. Do it now, bc it won't get any better until you do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ace Posted September 2, 2002 Author Share Posted September 2, 2002 Thank you guys for the replies. I was afraid that people would say that. I know especially, in regards to the the sex thing, I shouldn't worry about. I just can't stop myself from thinking ahead a lot of the time. I am going to try my damndest to not think about that whenever I first meet a girl. I agree that the main thing is lack of confidence. I am not a big talker and I never have been. The thoughts simply don't come to my head. Girls intimidate me like no other. I have no idea why, but they do. I wish there was some secret way to make me have some more confidence. I have tried alcohol, but it doesn't even help me that much. If anyone has any secret tips to give me some more confidence to find a girl, I would like to hear it. I have been looking at the online personals and I really like them because I can IM and email back and forth to get to know the girl instead of having to meet them off the bat. I would love to know a girl BEFORE I meet her. I guess we will see how it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted September 26, 2002 Share Posted September 26, 2002 Ace... Take this advice from a girl that has been there. I started dating my ex when I was 16 and finally broke it off 8 years later when I was 24. In the year and a half since the break up, I have realized how much I have missed out on life! These young years are important to get to know who you are and that is pretty much impossible when involved in a serious relationship with someone. Take this time to actually ENJOY being single and getting to know who you are. The fact that you feel lonely and that you want someone only after being broken up after 5 months tells me you aren't comfortable with yourself. You'll be much better off in the long run if you take this time now to live the young life before it is time to settle down and such behavior is deemed inappropriate. Take it one day at a time and stop worrying about finding someone and when you are ready, they will come. Take care... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 26, 2002 Share Posted September 26, 2002 Get checked for halitosis (bad breath) and body odor. I've known a number of very good looking people who remained single for years until someone had the courage to tell them their breath could qualify as a biological weapon. People most often prefer to never see someone again than to tell them their breath knocks them over. Always brush your tongue along with your teeth and use a good mouthwash. Deodarent is imporant along with a refreshing cologne. If you may have bad breath due to digestive problems, there are non-prescription products you can take for that. Ask your pharmacist. I'm not saying this is your problem but it's worth checking into. There's no reason that a good looking guy who's decent looking doesn't have ladies all around. I will tell you, for me personally there's no bigger turn-off and someone with bad breath...and they seem to be the ones that like to talk right in your face. Yukl!!! Link to post Share on other sites
just_a_girl Posted October 23, 2002 Share Posted October 23, 2002 Originally posted by Leikela Ace... Take this advice from a girl that has been there. I started dating my ex when I was 16 and finally broke it off 8 years later when I was 24. In the year and a half since the break up, I have realized how much I have missed out on life! These young years are important to get to know who you are and that is pretty much impossible when involved in a serious relationship with someone. Take this time to actually ENJOY being single and getting to know who you are. The fact that you feel lonely and that you want someone only after being broken up after 5 months tells me you aren't comfortable with yourself. You'll be much better off in the long run if you take this time now to live the young life before it is time to settle down and such behavior is deemed inappropriate. Take it one day at a time and stop worrying about finding someone and when you are ready, they will come. Take care... That is great advice Leikela, I too had come out of a serious relationship (4 years) and am now single. I jumped straight into another relationship that didn't work after that and it really battered me around. I have since had low self estem problems afterwards. I think because i was in such a long relationship and i didn't really go out and have fun with friends and experience things by myself it has made it very difficult for me to do that now. I know its very hard to not focus on wanting to be in a relationship. I constantly long to be in one, however i also know that not being in one has its benefits also... i need to learn more about myself. Leikela, any tips for dealing with being alone and making yourself happy while not in a relationship would be great. Actually ... here's a new topic just on that: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=18160 Just hang in there, you are not the only one who knows they are good looking but are not in a relationship. It will come along when you least expect it and then you will later look back and wonder what happened to your freedom. (just a thought) :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ace Posted October 23, 2002 Author Share Posted October 23, 2002 Thanks guys. I still don't have a girl yet, but I have decided that who cares? I need to get on not worrying about it. Link to post Share on other sites
just_a_girl Posted October 23, 2002 Share Posted October 23, 2002 Goodluck with the not worrying about it. hehehe I know that will be difficult. Goodluck. Link to post Share on other sites
Dragonflys Posted October 23, 2002 Share Posted October 23, 2002 Tony, I recently dated a woman with a breath that could kill bugs at ten paces. I so agree that was the BIGGEST turnoff!!. I ran for the hills. I did muster up the courage to tell her actually (purely for her sake), but even with breath mints its was still there. Does bad breath come for a place too far down their throats to mention? Oliver Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 24, 2002 Share Posted October 24, 2002 Oliver: Bad breath can come from bacteria on unbrushed particles of food between the teeth, from bacteria on a unbrushed tongue, and from all the way down in the stomach, where foods are digested. It can also comes from the various types of food that are eaten and digested. Unfortunately, many people with bad breath go a lifetime without more than one or two dates...never knowing just what's going on because nobody will tell them it's their breath. Halitosis (bad breath) often requires a doctor's visit. There is over the counter medication to handle the problems that originate in the stomach that will never be dealt with through brushing of teeth and tongue, breath mints, etc. Flossing of teeth is very important because those particles decomposing in between the teeth, particularly meat substances, can cause real nasty breath. If you think you've smelled everything, you should get near some people in the morning when they wake up. Every person everywhere in the world should brush teeth, brush tongue, floss, rinse out with mouthwash, etc. before getting near people right after waking up. There is almost no bigger turn off in the universe than bad breath...and it's so very sad because there are some wonderful people who suffer the problem and don't have a clue. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted October 24, 2002 Share Posted October 24, 2002 Originally posted by Ace For now, I will just continue to go to class and to the gym. I have had a lot of time to work on myself and have time to lift and run at the gym. It has definately improved my self esteem, but I still feel intimidated around hot girls. So what do you guys think? [/b] I think you should stay out of the bars and find someplace else to go. Maybe some volunteer work. What are your interests and hobbies? Are you religious at all - maybe church activities? Do you like animals? Volunteer at your zoo or animal shelter. What about museums? They need volunteers. Maybe reading to the elderly or teaching kids. Find something you are interested in and you'll meet others with the same interests. You might or might not meet a girl, but if you don't you still might make more friends and contacts and through one of them meet someone. Don't worry about the virgin part - that will happen naturally. Actually, you being a virgin may be a big turn-on for some girls. How do YOU feel about a relationship with a girl that is not a virgin? Will that bother YOU? If you meet a girl that you are interested in, just ask her out. You can just ask if she'd like to go somewhere for coffee during the day so that you two can talk and get to know each other better before you ask her out on a formal date. If she says no, then just move on. Good luck, and like some others have said - Have Fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts