boss stressing me out

[Guest]

Been working at this co. going on 3 years and still can't figure out my boss. He is attractive and close to my age and I am decent anyway only mention this cause I think that maybe some of the problem. We are both happily married with kids. I really like my boss, he is a great business man and we are alot alike, I feel like we have very similar sense of humor. Everytime I think I have him figured out, we start to not click again:( Year 1 goes okay little shy working with each other getting to know each other, kinda flirting but very hot and cold, one day talk fine, next 2 weeks barely say hello to each other, no eye contact at all (acting like 2 year olds)

 

Year 2 pretty much the same but I am desperately trying to keep things flirty/happy vs. annoying to work with each other. He used to work around me more but lately is avoiding me-not good he is my boss. Year 3 STILL The SAME hot cold crap but still working distantly not trying to improve our relationship/communication with each other. VERY frustrated my boss is sooo different with all other suboordinates but me. Another important detail, his partner acts very strange when I talk to my boss like he is watching me and my boss interract as if one of us is a freak while interacting with each other!!!

 

I guess bottom line what do I want from this forum- could he be acting soo hot and cold to keep his distance from me cause he hates me. I hate feeling like I am someone that makes my boss have a bad day and I feel like if he would just open up and be more friend like with me we would get along but anymore he kinda isolates himself from me. We are not working well together at all and I am very frustrated.

[borneveryday]

You know what I think? I think that YOU have a crush on your boss and you suspect that he kind of has one on you, but you feel too guilty to say it because you're married, so that post implies it and then you are thinking someone will say it TO you.

 

Why were you being flirty in the first place? That isn't appropriate for work at all and to be honest, it's a really cheapskate way of 'creating good relationships' because they're based on BS.

 

Sorry not to sound very sympathetic. I don't mean to be mean in any way. It won't help you for people not to be honest, even if it's only one person's opinion.

 

I suggest yo relax a bit. Stop tring to be his friend. Is the work getting done? Well focus on that and on your marriage. Boss's c an be annoying, but they are not necessarily meant to be friends...and they are not meant to be flirted with. Keep things straight in your head, focus on the job and don't worry about his personal weirdities.

 

Good luck!

[Guest]

You know what I think? I think that YOU have a crush on your boss and you suspect that he kind of has one on you, but you feel too guilty to say it because you're married, so that post implies it and then you are thinking someone will say it TO you.

 

Why were you being flirty in the first place? That isn't appropriate for work at all and to be honest, it's a really cheapskate way of 'creating good relationships' because they're based on BS.

 

Sorry not to sound very sympathetic. I don't mean to be mean in any way. It won't help you for people not to be honest, even if it's only one person's opinion.

 

I suggest yo relax a bit. Stop tring to be his friend. Is the work getting done? Well focus on that and on your marriage. Boss's c an be annoying, but they are not necessarily meant to be friends...and they are not meant to be flirted with. Keep things straight in your head, focus on the job and don't worry about his personal weirdities.

 

Good luck!

 

Well this is the guest who originally posted and wanted to say BornEveryday pretty much hit the nail on the head. There is a definate crush there, from myside anyways, but I am very very happily married, regardless the crush is still there making it hard to concentrate and focus on work. I will say that I do have an honest fear of being the bad seed that upsets the boss--it would be nice if the crush was returned and work was a little more exciting but that is probably good that its not the case. I just don't want to be hurting my career by somehow causing my boss disgust to deal with me. The flirting is very very slight and most relationships start with somekind of flirting. Just the way he steers clear of me doesn't seem like a suspected crush it seems like he is annoyed and just stressed out but great advice BornEveryday:)

[Guest]

You know what I think? I think that YOU have a crush on your boss and you suspect that he kind of has one on you, but you feel too guilty to say it because you're married, so that post implies it and then you are thinking someone will say it TO you.

 

Why were you being flirty in the first place? That isn't appropriate for work at all and to be honest, it's a really cheapskate way of 'creating good relationships' because they're based on BS.

 

Sorry not to sound very sympathetic. I don't mean to be mean in any way. It won't help you for people not to be honest, even if it's only one person's opinion.

 

I suggest yo relax a bit. Stop tring to be his friend. Is the work getting done? Well focus on that and on your marriage. Boss's c an be annoying, but they are not necessarily meant to be friends...and they are not meant to be flirted with. Keep things straight in your head, focus on the job and don't worry about his personal weirdities.

 

Good luck!

 

I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THE STRESS U ARE FEELING - I FEEL THE SAME BUT ITS NOT AS BAD BECAUSE I KNOW THAT AS MUCH AS I WOULD LOVE TO MEET SOMEONE - I CAN'T. NEXT TIME IS LONNNNNNNNNNNNNG JAIL TIME. EVEN IF SHE ASKED ME TOO - I CAN'T DO IT - ITS A BREACH. SO I HAVE NO OPTIONS

[Guest]

Been working at this co. going on 3 years and still can't figure out my boss. He is attractive and close to my age and I am decent anyway only mention this cause I think that maybe some of the problem. We are both happily married with kids. I really like my boss, he is a great business man and we are alot alike, I feel like we have very similar sense of humor. Everytime I think I have him figured out, we start to not click again:( Year 1 goes okay little shy working with each other getting to know each other, kinda flirting but very hot and cold, one day talk fine, next 2 weeks barely say hello to each other, no eye contact at all (acting like 2 year olds)

 

Year 2 pretty much the same but I am desperately trying to keep things flirty/happy vs. annoying to work with each other. He used to work around me more but lately is avoiding me-not good he is my boss. Year 3 STILL The SAME hot cold crap but still working distantly not trying to improve our relationship/communication with each other. VERY frustrated my boss is sooo different with all other suboordinates but me. Another important detail, his partner acts very strange when I talk to my boss like he is watching me and my boss interract as if one of us is a freak while interacting with each other!!!

 

I guess bottom line what do I want from this forum- could he be acting soo hot and cold to keep his distance from me cause he hates me. I hate feeling like I am someone that makes my boss have a bad day and I feel like if he would just open up and be more friend like with me we would get along but anymore he kinda isolates himself from me. We are not working well together at all and I am very frustrated.

 

I have had the same question. My boss and I are both single but the rest of what you talked about is going on(almost exactly). I admit that I am naturally percieved to be flirty because I am outgoing. I made the mistake of asking my boss if he was interested in me because I didn't know how to take him (he is also a bit flirty) and that I was concerned about how people would percieve our interaction with eachother.

 

He completly freaked out. He denied any interest and then the hot/cold days weirdness started. I just try to focus on the work but it is almost impossible. I thought it would pass but now I think that I need to quit. One day he was talking to me (all work related) and he was standing in front of me and I was sitting down and I could not help but notice "the situation" growing in front of me (I don't want to be graphic) I suppose that just happens sometimes.....but I have never noticed it at work before.

 

He can deny it if he wants to but I think we have too much natural chemistry to work together. I am keeping things straight in my head but my body is not listening to my head. Because I trust my gut, I am posting to this forum to see if anyone thinks that I am right; He is attracted and I should quit.

[Guest]

I would not quit unless you had an equally or better job lined up. It must be very stressful working under those hot/cold situations but attracted to you or not he is still writing you a paycheck that most people need. I would just try to focus, ride out the hot/cold days, hopefully it will get better and if not look for another job before you let him make you unemployed and broke.

 

I don't think he is going to fire you but if you feel its going to that route jump the gun before he does and give your notice. Use common sense when it comes to that. I think he's a man and alot of men are egotistical sooo if he senses any flirting from you he will be all over that and of course attracted to you. Just try to turn it into friends without any chemistry at all. He's acting psycho sooo that is the best he gets from you:)

[Guest]

I would not quit unless you had an equally or better job lined up. It must be very stressful working under those hot/cold situations but attracted to you or not he is still writing you a paycheck that most people need. I would just try to focus, ride out the hot/cold days, hopefully it will get better and if not look for another job before you let him make you unemployed and broke.

 

I don't think he is going to fire you but if you feel its going to that route jump the gun before he does and give your notice. Use common sense when it comes to that. I think he's a man and alot of men are egotistical sooo if he senses any flirting from you he will be all over that and of course attracted to you. Just try to turn it into friends without any chemistry at all. He's acting psycho sooo that is the best he gets from you:)

 

Hi same deal. I am a Boss, and have encountered this situation at work before. If the guy is a nice person, don't be scared off. Let instinct take over. If you two are attracted to each other, make it happen. You'll build a better friendship, and maybe more. I think you'll strengthen your position in the company more than harm it. Have fun! You only live once. I've been there, done that. From the Boss side, he can't approach you, it's sexual harassment. You've accidently "seen" proof the man thinks you're hot. Now make it happen. You're in.

[Guest]

I have had the same question. My boss and I are both single but the rest of what you talked about is going on(almost exactly). I admit that I am naturally percieved to be flirty because I am outgoing. I made the mistake of asking my boss if he was interested in me because I didn't know how to take him (he is also a bit flirty) and that I was concerned about how people would percieve our interaction with eachother.

 

He completly freaked out. He denied any interest and then the hot/cold days weirdness started. I just try to focus on the work but it is almost impossible. I thought it would pass but now I think that I need to quit. One day he was talking to me (all work related) and he was standing in front of me and I was sitting down and I could not help but notice "the situation" growing in front of me (I don't want to be graphic) I suppose that just happens sometimes.....but I have never noticed it at work before.

 

He can deny it if he wants to but I think we have too much natural chemistry to work together. I am keeping things straight in my head but my body is not listening to my head. Because I trust my gut, I am posting to this forum to see if anyone thinks that I am right; He is attracted and I should quit.

 

Hi same deal, I may have misread your letter. Initially I thought you were interested in the Boss. If that's not the case, then my post is off base. Sorry about that. I re-read your post and think I had it wrong.

 

Don't quit unless something happens and you are uncomfortable. Keep the money rolling in. If the Boss thinks you're hot, you're at an advantage. He's not going to let you go. If something happens, and you feel that you have to fool around with him or lose your job, you have a serious civil case, and can be rich. Hang in there.

 

If you are attracted to him, then my first response is ok. Good luck.

[Star Gazer]

Why the heck don't you GUESTS register? It would be so much easier to understand what the heck is going on with each of you... JEEZ.

[Guest]

Hi same deal, I may have misread your letter. Initially I thought you were interested in the Boss. If that's not the case, then my post is off base. Sorry about that. I re-read your post and think I had it wrong.

 

Don't quit unless something happens and you are uncomfortable. Keep the money rolling in. If the Boss thinks you're hot, you're at an advantage. He's not going to let you go. If something happens, and you feel that you have to fool around with him or lose your job, you have a serious civil case, and can be rich. Hang in there.

 

If you are attracted to him, then my first response is ok. Good luck.

 

Thanks for the response. Yes, I am attracted to my boss. Like I said, there is a lot of chemistry. I didn't think that I was imagining it so I asked him about it and he denied any interest. I don't think he was telling the truth but I decided to treat the situation as if he really meant what he said. Especially after he started freaking out.

 

I guess I put him in a tough situation by asking him but I couldn't take it another minute. I thought that it was so obvious that other people at work were going to start talking and I didn't want that to happen. Even when we are not talking to eachother the attraction is so strong it's embarrassing. It's the elephant in the room most of the time. I have tried to focus on work and just interact with him when necessary but I am having trouble focusing on anything when he is around.

 

When he denied it I started to question my judgement and was a little embarrassed especially when he started being so hot and cold, not even looking me in the eye most of the time. Then things were uncomfortable in a whole other way. At this point I am concerned that things will never get back to "normal". When I noticed the situation he had going on the other day I figured that I must have been right about his attraction.

 

I really trust my judgement so I didn't want to be wrong for that reason. I was trying to respect what he said by trying to put any personal thoughts I get about him out of my head but the rest of my body is not co-operating (I have been so distracted that I am worried people are going to think I am an idiot. I can't function around him at all) I just think that I am going to have to quit because I can't get my job done effectively either way.....when he is nice or near I am hot and bothered and when he is distant and cold I am worried about my job.....does any of this make sense?

[Guest]

Thanks for the response. Yes, I am attracted to my boss. Like I said, there is a lot of chemistry. I didn't think that I was imagining it so I asked him about it and he denied any interest. I don't think he was telling the truth but I decided to treat the situation as if he really meant what he said. Especially after he started freaking out.

 

I guess I put him in a tough situation by asking him but I couldn't take it another minute. I thought that it was so obvious that other people at work were going to start talking and I didn't want that to happen. Even when we are not talking to eachother the attraction is so strong it's embarrassing. It's the elephant in the room most of the time. I have tried to focus on work and just interact with him when necessary but I am having trouble focusing on anything when he is around.

 

When he denied it I started to question my judgement and was a little embarrassed especially when he started being so hot and cold, not even looking me in the eye most of the time. Then things were uncomfortable in a whole other way. At this point I am concerned that things will never get back to "normal". When I noticed the situation he had going on the other day I figured that I must have been right about his attraction.

 

I really trust my judgement so I didn't want to be wrong for that reason. I was trying to respect what he said by trying to put any personal thoughts I get about him out of my head but the rest of my body is not co-operating (I have been so distracted that I am worried people are going to think I am an idiot. I can't function around him at all) I just think that I am going to have to quit because I can't get my job done effectively either way.....when he is nice or near I am hot and bothered and when he is distant and cold I am worried about my job.....does any of this make sense?

 

Yes this makes lots of sense, going through the same thing and I think many people do BUT you are worrying too much about other people. Who cares if they think you are having a dirty birdy affair or if you a psycho w/red faced anxiety attacks, they can't fire you and gossip happens no matter what. Just do the job the best you can. You will have good days and bad days hopefully more good than bad but its not worth being unemployed and quitting over it. Its life, deal w/it and others will have to deal with it to. GOOD LUCK