Moving In Together?

[bbelmont83]

For a long time now the plan has been to move in together. However earlier tonight while talking online the subject of her moving into her own apartment came up. In the past, this was a deal breaker. She would NOT move down here just to live by herself in a strange new place where she would be lost. And I always understood that. Ive always felt a little scared about moving in right away, yet wanted it so bad at the same time. What scares me is that we have only physically been together once. Even though its been over a year together now I have fears about us not being ready to live together. I do not want to mess this up. Its too perfect to loose. We talked about it, and she even agreed to move into her own place, but I was taken over by this horrible guilt. That I hurt her with this. I also got to thinking.....Im not gonna want to go home each night after work when shes here, Im gonna want to go to her. Everyday. I wouldnt want to be away from her at all in fact. I said all this to her and I think it both confused her and upset her. She had just told me that she was ok when getting her own place, but I could tell she was upset. Especially when she said she was going to bed early and logged off before I could even say my "I love you".

 

She said that she doesnt even want to move in with eachother at the start now, she doesnt think its a good idea she said. But now I want to move in with her at the start.

 

I need advice here about any and all of this. What is she upset about you think? What does everyone suggest we do?

[norajane]

You've only been together once in a whole year? Wow.

 

I agree that moving in together is too, too much right away. Perhaps you can compromise and move very near each other, or even in the same apartment complex. You've been so accustomed to not seeing each other or being around each other at all - you have a LOT to learn about each other, especially when it comes to sharing physical space.

 

She's upset because you're suddenly changing your mind and adding more confusing options when she finally decided to get her own place. Why did you change your mind now? She probably doesn't know what to do, and what is best. Giver her some time to think it over. But don't push her to do anything.

[goodfriendeva]

knowing what i know.. i really feel since you guys dont know eachother really it would be best that she did live on her own for awhile.. DOESNT MEAN FOREVER but at least a few months so you know what its like to be around her.. since you only been with her once. talking on the phone or online is not the same in person you dont get to see the reactions of people this way. yes you love her but its going to be better in the long run if you both live around eachother and get to know what you guys are like.. like habits etc.. and you havent met her children yet. you cant just force them into this situation.. they dont know you at all..

[goodfriendeva]

i agree shes upset because you keep changing your mind.. 1st you want her to live with you then.. you think its a bad idea.. now she thinks its a good idea and you dont want her to do it.. let her get her own place.. give it time.. dont rush these things..

[bbelmont83]

We actually spend more time talking than most couples would, but agree about the space. I just dont think she feels the same. I know she WANTS to be with me. I want to be with her too. I dont know.....im all over the place tonight guys.

 

Im not sure why I changed my mind. Hearing her say it was ok made something click. Wierd i know.

 

I think the mind changing was what upset her too.

[bbelmont83]

Ive talked to her since last night and shes been really shaken by it. I feel her confidence in me has faded a bit. She doesnt think that Im ready for this. Im trying so hard to convince her that I am.