My Fiance and her Friend in Canada

[Guest]

Hi, my name is Albert. My fiance, Sharon, and I have been living together for 3 years. In July we had our first baby. We have a house we bought 6 months ago. We've been working pretty hard to get our life together. We are a little broke due to her constant changing of jobs and we have quite a bit of stress. A couple weeks ago, Sharon told me that she was unsure about us and generally unhappy with the way her life is going. She is 22 years old I guess she feels like she's missing out on being young. Mind you, she's a great mother and would never dream of leaving her baby.

 

She has always dwelled on our short courtship before living together. She feels that we missed out on something important by not dating a lot even though we were best friends for about 6 months before getting together. She also says that lately I've been clingy when we're being affectionate. I didn't think so, but I decided to make an effort anyway. She said that if we were to break up that it would be to take time to herself and figure out what she wants in her life.

 

Around the same time of this conversation, I noticed that she had been increasingly on an online forum where she has been for about 5 years and she started always being online with one of her online friends, Jason who lives in Canada. We have been slowly coming into the means of having money and she has always wanted to go to Canada, so I said "sure, whatever you want to do is cool with me." She has never given me any reason to not trust her and I thought maybe she could sow some wild oats. She started organizing a meet with all the Canadian members on that board. All seemed ok with me.

 

Little by little she started being online on the forum and chatting with Jason on MSN more and more to the point of almost never putting our laptop down and she started logging off after using her forum, which she never did before and disabling her Trillian message logs. Also, a couple times she obviously made sure I couldn't read what she was typing when I sat next to her. This all seemed kinda suspicious to me. Now, I try to not be a jealous guy, so I just brought it up to her and she told me that her friend Jason has a crush on her and that she has a small crush on him back, but she would never act on it and I'm the most important person in her life and that she knows that if she was to do anything she would not only be jeopardizing our relationship, but also out friendship and that's the last thing she wants. Ok. I can't very well tell her to stop talking to her friend (she doesn't have a lot of friends since most moved away). I talked to her about feeling uncomfortable and she asked if I didn't want her to go to Canada. I said that I think she should go.

 

Last few days, she has not wanted to put the laptop down for anything. She's on it if we're watching TV. She's on it if friends are over. She's on it from morning till night (she works at home). She said that she has been looking for a part-time job to supplement our income. Ok. The other day when she got up from using the laptop and walked to the kitchen, I picked it up and she ran back to log her stuff off. She said she just wanted to finish her conversation. I was really bothered by that for a couple days. I had no proof, but I had a feeling. That was last week.

 

Day before yesterday, she left her account logged on. I turned on her message log on Trillian. I decided to have a talk with her about spending time with me and not the laptop when I'm off work. I asked her to please stop when I get home and spend some time with me. She didn't. Now, by this time, in my mind I'm starting to go a little crazy. This morning I looked at her account. She has several messages from him where he's telling her how lucky he is that she talks to him and how he thinks she's beautiful and how he's happy that she likes him back. She tells him how she's not really afraid of the cold weather in Canada since the cold makes her cuddly. She also said to him that she doesn't plan on having any sex when she's in Canada, but that she does enjoy a sex fest since she's a really sexual person. She told him that she probably won't even kiss him since she probably wouldn't be able to stop after that started. She just can't wait till he picks her up from the airport and they can check into a hotel and talk all night. Now, this is just in a day. What else have they talked about?? I felt really shaken. My could feel my blood rise at reading all this. In her past before she and I got together I know of at least two guys that were her friends that she slept with in the heat of the moment so this makes me kinda nervous.

 

 

Now, I know that I invaded her privacy. I feel like a complete piece of crap for that. I've basically become one of the things I hate the most. I just can't get it out of my mind. I know she would be incredibly upset if I brought this up to her. I don't know what to do. I think if I just let this go it's going to eat me up alive. Should I talk to her? Should I talk to him? Should I ask her to not go to Canada? Should I ask her to not talk to him anymore? Should I let her go and figure things out for herself?

 

I think that I'm a fairly intelligent person. I know that this can potentially be disastrous. I could lose the love of my life, my son and basically my whole entire life. I really don't want that. Does anyone know what I should do?