Confusion

[Rob]

Back in April a new girl started at my place of work. The moment I saw her, I was instantly attracted. The thing is, she has a boyfriend. We talked a lot and got to know each other a lot, and I started to like her more and more. She would constantly tell me about how her boyfriend of 5 1/2 years and her were on the verge of breaking up, and all these stories about what a jerk he is and the mean things he's said and done. Then a few weeks back, he dumped her. I made my move and asked her out to dinner. We get back to my place and there is much touching going on with the two of us. We held hands and sat and talked for a long period of time. I had to have her leave early because I had to get up for work in the morning very early. We held hands as we walked to the door, and I asked, "May I kiss you?". She told me no, that it would be awkward at that time. The next day, the very next day . . . they got back together. We still do stuff all the time together because we are supposed to be "friends", yet she has neglected to tell him about our friendship. I called her the other day and he was there with her. I could hear him screaming in the background, "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO???" I have layed it all out on the line and told her that I care about her and want to be more than friends, and she tells me that it's tough to break up with him. Yet, he DUMPED her and she went back to him! What is this game she's playing? Should I just give up on her?

[Ally Boo]

Sounds to me like you are just her fall back crutch. She is keeping you around for when he doesn't want to be there. I'd move on, I mean, how do you expect a woman who has been in a 5 1/2 year relationship be able to just jump into a relationship with you, and have it be worth anything. There is no "healing" time. Just move on....

 

PS I dont like the work relationships anyway...and this is the reason. It is just going to make it more akward. "Don't S*** where you eat."

[velvet]

You have known her 5,6 months. Not long enough for her to make a decision for you over her b/f, whom I would imagine she has known longer.

 

Most people can jump into a new r/s and not even consider going back to an ex unless of course the love is still there. Obviously it is and during the few months shes known you just isn't enough for her to stop seeing her ex.

 

The best play for you would be to not get involved with her love life while shes with anyone else. Be the best co worker shes ever had, have lunch with her occasionally. Don't get involved intimately on any level. Show pride in yourself, respect for her and continue. What happens in the future happens, for now let her be and if her r/s doesn't work out again don't ask her out. Giver her time and perhaps 3,4 months before asking her out after shes single. Thats so you give the attraction time to grow and let her question why you havent asked her out.

[honeybee255]

she has been in a relationship for 5 and a half years..sounds to me like hes not a decent guy at all, but she went back to him..i agree and stay friends with her, specially since you work together. but dont pressure her into anything. Just be there for her, but like said dont get involved with her..you gosta move on and find someone who will treat you as equal..

[Rob]

Hey folks I was browsing and happened to come across this post that I had started months ago and I just wanted to say.... you all were right. I should have stayed away BIG Time. It all fizzled over later that month but she did put me thru a lot of pain at the time. I didn't really get over it till about October or so. Oh well, like a wise man once said, "If you don't wanna get stung, don't play with the queen bee."

 

Doing great these days, love-wise anyways! Thanks for your help!