In love with one man while married to another...

[IslandGirl73]

hi i'm new here and to be honest never thought i'd be here. just to fill u in on the background, i've been married to my husband for 10 yrs now and he's been the only real father to my 11 yr old daughter since she was an infant. we've been thru some rough times, and for awhile there, about 6 yrs in the marriage, it got really bad due to my hubby being out of work and i was the only one bringing in the $. so as a result, i had a resentment toward him and even stopped all emotional and sexual contact with him. eventually, he started chatting it up with one of his ex's from h.s. while i'd be at work during the day. until the day came when he finally went to her home. he assured me nothing sexual happened, just some kissing and petting but he did not want to go further cuz he loved me too much. needless to say, i almost put him out and ended our marriage. but he would not leave so i let him stay and we ended up working things out. as the years went by, we just focused on bringing up my daughter and our regular routine of Christian meetings and bible studies. recently, we've even connected more fully in our sex life, having it sometimes even every day or every other day! nevertheless, i love my husband dearly but am not in love with him. he's not the most romantic guy in the world and lacks in the dept of showing regular affection and attention that i crave. then the unexpected happened...at my job a new employee came on board and he caught my eye right away. he began to give me attention and made feel special inside. i hadn't felt this way for years since i had been overweight and just recently lost a lot. for a while we've just been saying hi from afar off and until one day in the break room, we finally spoke for the first time. he asked if i was married and i told him i was. for about 2 weeks, we'd speak casually at work and sometimes at lunch, also emailing back and forth. then we finally met together outside of work, for some dinner and conversation until i ended up in his home. of course if I allowed it, things could've gotten out of hand, especially when we finally kissed for the first time. but i refused to go farther than that, jeapordizing the only stable family my daughter's ever known along with my dignity and respect. needless to say i spent all evening with him and did not leave until 5 in the morning and came home and confessed everything to my husband. it was ironic, just 4 yrs prior he did the same to me and now i'm repeating the same mistake. except now, mine is differently. i find myself actually falling for this other man. when i'm with him he makes me feel special and warm inside like nothing else matters in this world and when i'm away from him, all i can do is think of him constantly, even when it was still during the phase of our casual "hellos" at work. i've never experienced immediate chemistry with someone like this before as i usually take my time to get to know the person better. but with this guy, its completely different. i am head over heels for him. and the sad part is, i'm not completely sure if he feels the same. he tells me he understands that i'm married to someone i'm not "in love" with and that sometimes we just need to accept the things life puts in our paths, and not deny ourselves of what we really want. he also tells me he enjoys our time together as well. i told him i'm concerned of how he'd get the wrong idea of me as person since i'm a married woman being with him. he could easily think, "she could do the same to me" how can u build a relationship that started from infedelity? also, i cannot and will not leave my husband since he has been too wonderful to me and also, i'd be ruining my daughter's family stability in her life...i could never do that. but still, i find myself wanting to see this man more and more and though i don't want it to go as far as sexual intimacy, anything is possible if i let my guard down! i thought about just keeping things as they are, and i could be satisfied if i could just seeing him on a regular basis, with no strings attached, just going out but not to his home anymore to avoid any sexual intimacy. as long as i could just spent time with him, then i can be ok. i miss him so much when i'm not with him. i don't know what else to do, but i do know, that i do not want to leave my husband and yet, my heart will not allow me leave the other man alone. please help with any advise will be appreciated. sorry so long and thanks for reading/listening...

 

lost in love,

jacquesette

[pricillia]

This would be so much easier to read if there were paragraphs.

 

I have a headache!

[Guest]

ahhhhhhhhhh, i understand

 

u need to focus on yer husband and family i believe

 

and if tjhings change then contact the man u speak of

 

i am sorry things have been stressful for u and it sounds like u have struggled with this for a while. personally, the woman i am in love with would never have to worry about me doubting or not trusting her - as far as i am concerned when she was with me 'she was with me in everyway' and even if she told me something like that say half way in i would have simply worked thing out in a decent way. if i knew at the beginnnig i would not have started but waited until she divorced if she wished to. when someone is married and u find yourself in such a situatoin as descrbed it is up to the MAN to walk away and not cause any hurt or stress

 

nice posting - thank u

[Guest]

btw, just so u know

a while back when i was reading all these posts about an ex going wild and having a great time i did somehting i never have done before

i lied to her out of anger

i told her that when we were dating i was still married and that i still am

that was a lie

i was hurt and lashed out

i was divorced a year before we met and technical in a 'non marriage for 7 years

[whichwayisup]

Bottomline the choice is yours. Cheat on your husband and have an affair, or end it, get a divorce so he can start over.

 

Two wrongs do not make a right. You've been the betrayed spouse and know all the hurt and pain involved. How can you knowingly get involved emotionally with another man? And if you think it will be no strings attached, just casual friends - Think again. Go read some posts in the OW/OM section, see what you're up against.

 

Focus your energy into your marriage, get to marriage counselling and find that love you DO have for your husband. Seems the other married man in your life has stolen something that belongs to your husband. Your heart.

 

Please think about your choices before you make a big mistake.