insomnie Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 I have no questions for you guys this time (though tons of thanks for being helpful in the past), but I thought I'd post a start thread so at least all the people hoping for a second chance have something positive to read for a change. Background story: We are both in our third year of college, together for 2.5 years. Starting around September, something was just off. I didn't communicate well, expected him to read my mind, and resented him when he didn't. We also "ran out" of common interests once it got cold. In any case...something was off, we just stopped fitting right all of a sudden, we fought all the time, until finally all the little fights culminated in a breakup. I still wanted to work things out, but he said he was really unhappy and just wanted to be by himself. At first I had a hard time leaving him alone. We tried to be friends, but all our encounters resulted in us hooking up and my getting emotional. I think we both enjoyed spending time with each other, but at that point there was too much energy between us, too many strong feelings that weren't positive. Anyway, after about a month of that I decided to leave him alone. This was around December and school just let out, so I flew home for 3 weeks. I stopped calling him, I blocked him on AIM, I stopped stalking him online. He contacted me every week as "just friends", but, taking LS's famous NC/LC advice, I kept it short. I didn't want to put myslef in a position where he could tell me about all the fun he was having, anyway, because I knew that would make me feel bad. So, it was very very LC for 3 weeks, until I came back. The very next day, he called me to see what I was up to. He asked if he could pick me up so we could hang out, but said he didn't want to "pressure" me, so he understood if I didn't want to see him. I agreed. We hung out...and finally, after all these months of being apart and previously in a relationship with a lot of tension...we just cliked. We talked for a long time, then he started kissing me. I went along with it. It felt right. He told me he loved me and we had sex. I stayed at his apartment for 3 days after that. It was fantastic. He was affectionate, caring, he drove me everywhere so I could do various chores, we played games, hung out with his friends, made love, cuddled, talked all night, made food, did laundry. I don't know if this is wise, but I still haven't initiated the relationship conversation with him ( I'm pretty sure we are in one again), or the "what went wrong" convo, or even the "I'll never be able to trust you again unless you move mountains for me" one that I vowed in my angrier moments I would start up with him. It just seems unnecessary. We talked the relationship to death the first time around. This time I just want to take it as it comes. As long as he isn't having sex with anyone else (and I trust him not to) I'll go with the flow. He's being absolutley wonderful and we are falling abck in love. I'm going to see him again tomorrow and I am so happy =). Good luck to you all and STICK TO THE NC. At least, don't initiate contact, and never ever get emotional when you do talk. Share absolutley NO negative or positive feelings regarding the relationship. You are broken up precisely because this person cannot handle taking care of your emotions at this time. Keep it light. Pretend they are a casual aquaintance, one you are happy to hear from, but around whom the world does not involve, someone you can take or leave behind depending on what is more convenient and more beneficial to YOU. Keep busy, live your life like he or she will not come back. Make a faantasy boyfrined/girlfriend list of characteristics and make sure to think long and hard about the criteria your ex did not fulfill. (hint:loving you and being there for you through thick and thin). That's my advice. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ninga317 Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 i'm very happy for you guys and i hope it works out. just remember that everyone goes through the honeymoon stage after a break up and reconciliaton. not to say that your relationship won't work out, but if you haven't resolved the things that were wrong in the beginning, they will alway resurface. you guys are young. sometimes that's a good thing. you're not so tainted by past hurts. good luck to you and always remember to communicate as best friends first, and lovers later, that's what get's you through the rough times. best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Reckless Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 Dear Insomnie, I am genuinely happy you are happy and have no intention of raining on anyone's parade. I also have not read all your previous posts and so only have the information in this post to go on. Still, small non rainy point - the night you met, with all that 'talking and talking' going on - it may have been good to 'talk' about what you both wanted and expected if you were to get back together. Sometimes ya just gotta go with the moment... I SO realize that but unless you can not just talk but communicate, you may find yourselves back on a fast track to "I didn't communicate well, expected him to read my mind, and resented him when he didn't..." Anyway, I wish you both a cloudless parade because happy ending stories are just too rare nowadays... Reckless Link to post Share on other sites
the_alchemyst Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 I just read this, and I have to say that I'm jealous. I hate you. Ah, but in all seriousness, I'm happy to hear that you are feeling happy again. You seemed so sad for these past few months, and that was just disheartening. But alas, you are back with your sweetheart, which I know was what you wanted, and that is what matters. Also, I wanted to tell you that I think it's good you haven't brought up the issues again. You know where you did wrong, and so does he. You know what you need to work on, and so does he. There's no need to bring up the hurt again if it's unnecessary, imo, like I think it is in this case. So, for you, I'll suggest that you keep it mellow and go with the flow. Sometimes it's the best thing you can do. Congrats and good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
resi71 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 thats great,we are happy about you,i am sure you are change now and if you really love that person do not blow it Link to post Share on other sites
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