Getting Over Unrequited Love

[Broken_Toe]

Hi people!

 

Am suffering really bad from unrequited love with a very close friend. I am 99% certain that she does not feel the same way so I am living a perpetual nightmare

 

Worse than that, I cannot do the usual things of NC etc as I sit next to her in class everyday and we go to exercise class together which I don't want to quit (need to lose xmas weight!).

 

Its taking over my life its all I ever think about and it really is having a negative impact on my day to day functioning. Assignments arent getting done, i'm not looking after myself etc....

 

The cherry on top is that she has went to a party last nite where a guy off our course who I know definately has a crush on will have been. There's a chance she could be interested in him too. I know he'd of made a move on her while he has the opportunity and I am so scared something happened between them.

 

I am sat here when I should be doing work worrying about going into college on monday morning and having to find out about them getting upto god knows what! It makes me feel sick to my stomach!

 

Anyway, I have finally decided I cant carry on with things this way (i don't think there's anymore songs left to write! lol!) anymore so thats where you guys come in!

 

As she is not interested can people please please please give me some advice, tips and help about how I can get over this girl and began to move on with my life for the better!

 

This truly has transcended into a mess at the moment:(

 

Thanks in advance,

 

BT x

[lindya]

Hypnotherapy. If it can help the obese to lose weight, and smokers to quit, why can't it help you break your addiction to this infatuation? I had a hypnotherapy session one time to help me with a situation I was nervous about, and it really helped.

 

The hypnotherapist helps you, but isn't actually controlling your mind...so just sitting back and expecting to doze off before waking up as a new person won't achieve the desired results. You have to accept some responsibility for making the process work. I think it's a good method to help people move on once from a bad situation - eg in your case unrequited infatuation - once they feel sure they're ready to move on (ie because they've accepted that they've been in pursuit of a hopeless cause, and have taken all the useful learning they can from the situation).

[Broken_Toe]

Thanks for the reply!

 

Maybe worth a go as nothing else seems to be working!

[CarolAnne]

Yes Lindya is spot on

 

The other alternative is to slowly take steps to keep living despite your constant obsession and frustration with your inability to change the course of action that you are watching unfold in another person's life, finally admit to your self that it is time to move on, and stop comapring other people to the person of your dreams who if you are completely honest probably isn't the towering angel of perfection you imagine her to be. Of course, that process takes years sometimes.

 

It is only when you are 100% sure that there is no chance at all will you truly be able to let go. Something tells me you are not sure whether or not she might have feelings for you. Until you know by asking, or by seeing that this person is happy and living their life with another person, you should say something to her. If you don't, you might wonder about it for years. Trust me it is better to take the risk now than spend years wondering if being honest about your feeling with another person might have made all the difference. The worst that can happen is that she says she doesn't feel the same way about you, and then you can move on since you have your answer. You need to stop worrying about her and worry about YOU, such as getting your college entrance papers finished, and considering what it would take for you to be honest with her once and for all and end the uncertainty. Or get hypnotherapy. You just can't keep living this way.

[ocset]

I had a major crush on a girl for a long time, after 15months I built up the courage and asked her out, we went out a few times and then it ended with a text saying "lets just be friends".

 

I found that difficult and even though I held a torch for her we remained friends for several years, Sadly she passed away on Christmas.

 

And I find myself now in a simular situation, I know I shouldnt let myself be jealous but the woman I fancy (but first who is my friend) is playing squash tonight and I've convinced myself its with a man and that they're going end up getting together. Its eating me up inside.

 

I'm going to have to build up the courage to ask her and I know its easy to say but your going to have to do the same - you'll know then for definate and only then can you really put it behind you and move on.

 

I can really sympatise with your situation, and I'm been hypocritical I know but look you've got to ask. Just as I have..... I wish you luck.

[lone she-wolf]

Hi.

Wow, I know....me too.

Well, I too assumed the person did not feel the same, but circumstances led me to confess anyway. This too had been building for over a year.

 

SO, here is the thing. You must tell her. I have just this past week done the very same thing. Here is why I think you should tell.........BECAUSE, what in essence, you are doing is "putting it out there".

 

For what its worth, what I did was DOWN-PLAY my REAL feelings and told him some HALF-FEELINGS I was having. Basically, I felt it out. I highly suggest this. Why? Well, you can get a response without leaving yourself COMPLETELY vulnerable.

 

I mean if she will balk at the sheer mention......then you know.

To me, what you accomplish by doing this is that you put the thought in her head. That way, she can at least mull-over the possibilities.

 

My story's ending is still in progress, but it very much did get the person thinking, and NO, I DID NOT get the response I wanted, and YES, it hurt, but not as bad as you might think.

 

You see, I think the whole friends-to-lovers people are terrified of rejection, and what I've learned is that it REALLY IS better to know, because ONLY THEN will you get resolution, so in fact it REALLY DOES FEEL BETTER THAN NOT KNOWING.

 

Once you put it out there to her......you have done ALL YOU CAN DO.

There really is a little satisfaction that comes from that.

[Broken_Toe]

Thanks for the replys everyone!

 

I'm at an all time low at the moment, I feel mentally exhausted and its all because of this.

 

Without asking her I am now 99.99% certain the feelings I am having are not reciprocal. I know I havent asked her but its obvious by what she says and what she does. She has told me several times now in conversation that she is not looking for a relationship and that she has never been in the situation where she likes someone but is too afraid to do anything about it (my situation at the moment).

 

She also is spending a lot of time with one of the lads on our course BUT insists that, at this time anyway, it is friends nothing more, and she doesn't see him in "that way". I get the feeling though that she is not completely resolute to the idea that nothing more will ever come of thier realtionship in the future.

 

She did say some nice things about me today though. She had to see our tutor abouot some personal problems and apparently was banging on about how helpful and supportive I am, and how she is completely comfortable with me and how we fully understand each other. She said I'm the person she's closest too and whom she trusts the most. I don't think this means anymore than she sees me as a good friend.

 

Also, she had a massive personal problem today and I was the first, and only, person she came to for help and support so I guess thats something. Even if she doesnt see me in "that way" a suppose its nice that she does think a lot of me, and value me, in other ways (but it'll never be enough *sigh*).

 

I am sad, very sad, as this whole thing is beginning to take its toll on me. I know deep down there's no romantic future for us two but I don't know how to use this realisation and move on with my life and get over her. This is going to be soooo hard!! And it's going to hurt a LOT! And its Valentines Day soon!!! Booo!!!

 

I hope everyone else is doing better than me at the moment!

 

BT x

[pink smartie]

I am sorry that you find this situation so hard. The feelings you have for her, admiring and caring for someone the way you do, are beautiful feelings. I wish there was a way that you could approach this in a more light-hearted way.

 

I'm wondering if part of the reason you have not acted on your feelings is because, in part, you might lack a bit of confidence in yourself. I'm also wondering if it's not the very situation that might be lowering your sense of self-worth and, ah, say, zest for life. Just know that whether or not you tell her how you feel, and if you do, whether or not she rejects you, you are strong enough to get over it.

 

It does sound like she values your friendship tremendously. It's making me wonder why you are so afraid of telling her that you 'sometimes' think you two could share something romantic (half-feelings was it?). I have been in both the situation where a friend did not return my affection or where I did not return the affection of a friend and you know what, I am still friends with both these guys. Sure it was awkward a little bit afterward, but nothing a bit of humor can't get rid off.

[TheSilentType]

Broken Toe, I understand what you are going through. Been there, done that! Pretty much everyone at one point has felt the same.

 

I know its hard, but I would advise you to just let this girl be and move on. This is what I did with a girl I had a crush on....I slowly stopped associating with her. Over time, things got better as I saw less of her. It occasionally still hurt, but I started thinking of her less and less.

 

Give it time and distance...and things will get better. This too shall pass!

[samsara20]

Going through it my self right now. It sucks when you can't be with the person you want to be with. It really sucks.