Panicking about leaving home

[coco_milkshake]

I have decided to leave home but I am panicking so much now. My main fear is if things will work out or not. Its crazy but after the split, my mum, my sister and her husband have stored my ex's mobile number and house number in their phones. I am scared that they will phone him once I am gone and get him involved in this.

 

I just dont know what they will do and how they will react. I remember while I was still working and stuff I had to go to the doctor cos I fainted at work. I told the doctor about the stress etc that I was going through at home due to me dating my bf and stuff like that. After the split, I dont know how mum found out but she did and she said that she will get her friend who works at the surgery to bring my file to her so she can read what I had said to that doctor - I was certain she would carry out the threat and lived in fear for weeks. When the split happened the first time and I quit work, in order to get a sick note I had to go to the doctor and my family deliberately requested a different doctor and not the one I spoke to previously.

 

I get so scared about them hunting me down or whatever when I leave here - not knowing what will happen is scaring me to the point where I get doubts about getting out and living my own life since I am so used to this kind of thing. Im so scared

[Pyro]

I have decided to leave home but I am panicking so much now. My main fear is if things will work out or not. Its crazy but after the split, my mum, my sister and her husband have stored my ex's mobile number and house number in their phones. I am scared that they will phone him once I am gone and get him involved in this.

 

I just dont know what they will do and how they will react. I remember while I was still working and stuff I had to go to the doctor cos I fainted at work. I told the doctor about the stress etc that I was going through at home due to me dating my bf and stuff like that. After the split, I dont know how mum found out but she did and she said that she will get her friend who works at the surgery to bring my file to her so she can read what I had said to that doctor - I was certain she would carry out the threat and lived in fear for weeks. When the split happened the first time and I quit work, in order to get a sick note I had to go to the doctor and my family deliberately requested a different doctor and not the one I spoke to previously.

 

I get so scared about them hunting me down or whatever when I leave here - not knowing what will happen is scaring me to the point where I get doubts about getting out and living my own life since I am so used to this kind of thing. Im so scared

 

Its only natural to fear the unknown, IMO. Sometimes at least

 

You have got to try though. Your life won't get any better staying where you are at right now. Have you considered getting a court ordered restraint against your parents?

[BabyPhoenix]

You may have posted this previously, but do you have a support network established to help you once you leave? Have you notified the police in your area about the potential dangers that will exist for you?

[coco_milkshake]

That hasnt entered my mind. I dont know if things will come to that and if they do then any chance of me making up with my family after leaving will be zilch.

 

I dont want to leave like this but they are giving me no alternative, I am struggling with studies and my health cos of the strains at home and I dont feel happy in this environment at all and I get told that I am to blame for this

[Pyro]

That hasnt entered my mind. I dont know if things will come to that and if they do then any chance of me making up with my family after leaving will be zilch.

 

I dont want to leave like this but they are giving me no alternative, I am struggling with studies and my health cos of the strains at home and I dont feel happy in this environment at all and I get told that I am to blame for this

 

You gotta do what is best for you and getting away from the family is what is best for you, IMO.

[coco_milkshake]

Hi babyphoenix,

 

I have notified the SWA which stands for Scottish Women's Aid and they also work alongside the police force and they have offered me accommodation and its with their help I am going to be getting out of home.

[My Fair Katie]

Hey hun, I'm not telling you this to scare (opposite really), but I thought knowing a bit about my experience might help you.

 

I had overly controlling parents. I didn't leave the fold until I was 25, living a few states of way in my own home, and married (no kids though I do have some dogs). When I left they freaked.

 

Yes, they called my friends who they had numbers to, my friends remained quiet and didn't divulge any information. I was humiliated but it strengthened my resolve.

 

My parents escalated it by involving the police. Again, I was humiliated but I hadn't broken any laws and the police just checked on me and told my folks I was fine and not to call again.

 

I've changed my numbers when they harrassed me.

 

The point I'm making to you is while it was happening I was upset, but I was SAFE. They had no legal rights to me. I'm an adult, they can't check up on my medical information. They can call whoever the h3ll they want and they won't get any information from my friends either.

 

Yes the unknown is scary but right now, your known is simply dangerous and NOT good for you. Good luck! Document *everything* and be sure to share the documentation with the SWA.

[coco_milkshake]

I am worried though because my mum has my passport and I dont have access to any of my accounts. I will need some sort of identification to access them and I have forgotten my pin number for my debit card etc which is one of the reasons I am so worried right now.

[IpAncA]

Yes I'm sure they will look for you. Its only natural for someone to do that.

 

Is there a way you can get your debit card pin? How do you normally use it because for me I can use it as credit or debit so I don't need to have a pin. Also if you have the card you can go to the bank and ask them to give you a new one and that you lost your old one. They can do that as long as you prove your the card owner.

 

With the passport, you could ask your mom if you can see it for a sec or make up some lie that the school needs it or whatnot. Make up something so it's believable. Or you could try and get a hold of your birth certificate and get a new one issued to you.

 

Glad you have someone to help aid you. Thats really good.

 

Sure it will be hard but please try not to drop out of school, especially if your almost done. Transfer whatever but you need that so you can get a really good job to support yourself.

 

BTW I really had no idea it was this bad. Sorry and good luck!

[CardPlay3r]

Those are not real obstacles, just stuff you're putting up for yourself because you're scared of change.

 

The debit card you can cancel with one phone call and probably freeze the account too, you can get a new passport in a couple of weeks and why should you care if they call your ex?

[coco_milkshake]

My dad has my debit card which has my year's worth of wages on it and when I received my card, my pin arrived not long after it which my dad kept. It took me weeks of begging to finally get the pin number off him.

 

He said he needed my debit card for something and I have not seen it since. I received a letter not long ago and my dad has been placing his money into my account as he cant have an account in his name - my account has over 5 and a half thousand pounds in it and just over 4 thousand pounds is my year's hard earned cash.

 

I relied on my overdraft card which I have had since my first year of university and I had to hand that over to my mum and the card snapped in her hand I got into trouble a lot for spending my overdraft and even though it was my money from my debit card that was being used to pay it back cos they needed that money more than I did. I now have to rely on them for everything and I hate justifying myself for wanting something.

 

They say Im ungrateful cos they took me back after what I did and that I owe them by keeping them happy and doing what they want and its driving me insane. I have no sense of privacy, my hotmail and my bebo accounts are watched, I get asked who calls me and who texts me. When I want some time to myself it aint enough for them that Im in the house 24/7, they want me to sit with them and not sit upstairs cos thats "anti social" - I just sit there with them and we never have normal conversations and if we do it ends up in a slanging match. I hate this so badly and Ive decided that I want out. I probably do sound ungrateful but I dont care.

[CardPlay3r]

I don't know what you have to be grateful for towards them, they did nothing but control and mess up your life from the beginning.

 

Again, just a phone call to the bank can get your debit card canceled and you can figure out with the bank how to withdraw your money later...ask SWA about that as well

[IpAncA]

I don't know what you have to be grateful for towards them, they did nothing but control and mess up your life from the beginning.

 

Again, just a phone call to the bank can get your debit card canceled and you can figure out with the bank how to withdraw your money later...ask SWA about that as well

Yes I agree.

 

If I wanted to, I could call my bank, tell them my card was stolen and get a new one with a different number on it. That way if the old card was used no money would be taken out.

 

There's ways to do this. Talk with the people helping you.

 

To bad you couldn't open your own online account like paypal. You could start sending your money there until you opened another account and then transfered it there.

[coco_milkshake]

I am clueless when it comes to financial stuff - I have never done it myself as it has always been my parents who have dealt with that and they thought they were being great parents by doing that.

 

I have no idea how I am going to survive out there on my own having been wrapped in cotton wool for so long.

[IpAncA]

I am clueless when it comes to financial stuff - I have never done it myself as it has always been my parents who have dealt with that and they thought they were being great parents by doing that.

 

I have no idea how I am going to survive out there on my own having been wrapped in cotton wool for so long.

What are you going to do when your out on your own after your done with school and working?

 

Lots of people are scared to be on their own. I was when I was 20 and at first it was scary, but once you are you grow up real fast and you start taking on responsibilities you've never had to do before. You have to because who else is going to do it? No one. Plus you'll be amazed at all the stress thats lifted off and that you can do what you want, when you want, and don't have to answer to know one. It's great!

 

You need to try and stop depending on your parents. You'll be fine. Your just in your comfort zone and your scared of the unknown.

[Craig]

Coco, I'm glad you're taking charge of your life. All the things you've mentioned so far are not that challenging to deal with. The SWA will be able to give you assistance on figuring out everything including finances. Just tell them what you've told us here--believe me they are used to hearing it.

 

One other thing, you mentioned that 4,000 of the 5,500 or so in your account is yours and the rest is your fathers. When you make your move do yourself a favor and make sure he gets his 1,500 pounds as soon as possible (and don't use your real return address.) That way it will be more of a clean break for you.

[coco_milkshake]

Thanks Craig,

 

I have decided to only claim what is mine as I dont want to steal from them. The SWA have been fab and the woman I talked to really knew what she was on about so she has probably dealt with a lot of cases similar to mine.

 

I am slowly getting the courage to get out but the fear is still there. The thought of being out there on my own is both exciting and terrifying at the same time.