Need Help! (Long)

[Raven]

Oh where to start? This is a long story… I’ll do my best to keep it interesting. But I’m trying to give you sufficient info.

 

I met this guy, Wes, 9 months ago, but I was seeing someone else. When I first met this guy I knew that one-day we’d hook up (at least for a fling). I also knew that the guy I was with was going to be a short-term thing. Needless to say it was a short-term relationship.

 

I maintained friendly relations with Wes, we talked when we saw each other and hung out from time to time. We did random favors for one another (not sexual). One day it was his turn to return the favor and he was not around, so I left a note for him with my number on it (we’d never exchanged #). He never returned the last favor I did, nor did he call. However, we’d both carried on as friends talking about anything and everything. Eventually our convos started gearing towards heavy flirting which most of the time I instigated. We were having fun making arousing comments and implications.

 

About a month later he asked me for a favor to which I, initially, declined seeing as how he left me hanging on the last favor I did for him. After him convincing me to do him this favor, I jokingly ask (with a flirtatious undertone) what are you going to do for me… well, he picked up on my undertone and came back with an undertone of his own. We chalked it up to joking and fun. Then he said how about you let me take you on a date Friday? I accepted.

 

Friday rolls around and we went on our date. I was totally prepared to have a somewhat decent time and figured he’d spend most of the night pawing at me trying to get me in bed.

 

To my utter surprise, we had an unbelievably great time. We laughed, talked about very personal issues, ran, played and just had a total blast. There were no blatant sexual, flirtatious comments, innuendos nor was there even a hint of efforts to get me in bed.

 

After realizing that this had to have been the absolute best date I’d ever been on, I asked him what was next on the agenda? He wanted to rent movies and make it an all nighter (please note, this was normal … this was not an attempt to manipulate me into letting him stay the night). I agreed and off we went to the video store then back to my place.

 

He was a perfect gentleman (another note: this guy is an avowed player) did not make a move. I’ve seen this guy in action… he just makes a move and has NO fear of rejection. This guy does not wait for the right time he’s aggressive. For some unknown reason he was different with me. I’m not complaining.

 

Alright now to the juicy stuff. After the 1st movie I decided to sit a little closer to him to see how he’d respond. He ended up lightly caressing my arm and my hand. ½ way through the movie he’d started on my leg, but did not go up my leg. It was very soft and gentle and it was really nice.

 

Well, I went ahead and made the 1st move. We started kissing and he was certain to pay attention to all of me. He continued lightly rubbing my back, legs, arms… this went on for HOURS. Not once did he attempt to take off any article of my clothing or go for gold.

 

It seemed as though we were in sync every step of the way, we did in deed make it an all nighter, however it was not watching videos. After all was said and done we laid there talking and cuddling and he continued to caress me. One thing that came up in convo was “when I first saw you”. I told him that when I first saw him I knew that we’d eventually hook up. He told me, “When I first saw you I inquired about you” and commented to a friend that “I’d definitely be calling you”.

 

This is not the typical action of a player – in my eyes. Oh, because I knew that he was a player, I was fully prepared for a 1-night stand and before things got hot and heated I said to him… “No strings, no feelings, no drama”. He said ok.

 

In the morning he reached over and pulled me close to him, in the spooning position. This was not an attempt to repeat the events of the night before. He pulled me close and we fell back asleep spooning.

 

When we woke, I told him that I really enjoyed our date; I told him that I had a fabulous time with him and thanked him. He smiled and in a really cute, yet boasting manner, said, “I asked you out on a date”. (Sounds lame, but it was really adorable and made me smile… especially seeing the excitement on his face as he said it).

 

That day we went our separate ways and somehow managed to hang out again that night. We had a repeat.

 

The next day, I told him that I would not be around for a few weeks because I had a friend coming to town. He knew that this friend was female. Regardless of the no strings comment I made, I’ve fallen. I’m totally reluctant to confess my feelings. I have a gut feeling he is going through the same thing.

 

A mutual friend of ours told me that he mentioned having a great time with me, and our friend said you could see in his face that he really meant it. I asked him how the conversation came up and he told me that they were hanging out and Wes said, “I really have to tell someone…” This is a very good sign considering he usually does not talk about ANY of the girls he’s been with, and if he does it’s playeresque comments like “Yeah I did her”. He did not get detailed with this friend, and it was not on a kiss and tell basis. The way I took it was that he had a great time, was totally blown away and needed to tell someone. J

 

About a week later I bumped into him and he told me that he was going out of state for a couple weeks. A couple of weeks turned into over a month, due to a family emergency. I heard this through a friend, but there were no details. I’ve not heard from him and I have no phone number to contact him. I do however have an e-mail address and I sent a very brief e-mail asking him if he was ok? My only concern is that I know he has his junk mail filter on… and unless he has the e-mail addy of the sender in his address book it will automatically be sent to junk mail if not instantly deleted. I know he does not have my e-mail in his contacts as I’ve never given it to him, nor have I sent him an e-mail prior to this.

 

Anyway, I’m not sure how to proceed. Do I get his number from a friend and call? Do I wait for him to call me, or get back? Do I just drop it? Is this WONDERFUL night all in my head? If and when we do speak, do I tell him how I feel (even after that STUPID no strings comment which I made) Is it possible I messed with his head by making that comment? I’m sorry that this is long… I appreciate your insight. Please don’t lecture me on giving it up too soon… I can’t change the past, everything just felt right at the time and I never expected to fall for a player.

[quankanne]

sounds like the guy really likes you if he didn't pull any of the "player moves," and you could possibly have gotten yourself into a promising relationship. But, don't drive yourself nuts second-guessing the guy. Unless he's given you reason to believe that he's lying to you, accept his explanation that he's gone for a family emergency. And even though you miss him, don't crowd him. That's the worst thing you can do in a budding relationship.

 

If the e-mail attempt didn't work, maybe you can leave a brief note on his door at home, something to the effect that you hope things turned out all right, that you enjoyed spending time with him and that you hope to see him again. Short, sweet and to the point, you know? Then leave it at that, because the ball is in his court. Anything more might just scare him off.

 

good luck with the relationship!

[butterflyz]

the only person that knows what is going on in this guy's head, is him.

 

i don't think you should give up at all. i have a question though: when you said you had a friend coming into town...did you give him the impression that he could call or come over? if you didn't then you set the tone of the relationship being "no strings".

 

i wouldn't leave a note on the door. what you could do...is sent him a casual note/card that invites him over for dinner or out to dinner or whatever you like. he'll like it when he returns. make it cute/sexy or whatever tone you want to set.

 

but....since i don't play games...i can't give good advice on games. i'm the type of person, that if i fell for someone...i'd have to tell him. for instance...i would probably send the invitation out...hopefully he replies "yes". when we'd get together i would probably "confess that while i entered this relationship thinking it would go one way, i have to admit that i'm more interested in you now that i've gotten to know you. how would you feel about this moving from "no strings" to starting to date?"

 

it may sound corny, but it also gives a guy a way out. you'll be able to tell by his response, his body language and facial expressions whether he's into it. if he says he likes it the way it is, or tells a white lie to protect your feelings...you have a choice.

 

your choices are:

-try to go along with the "no strings" hoping he changes his mind (seldom works and you go crazy in the process)

-let it go - if the magic is there...he'll return.

 

while i am not in a relationship right now...i still believe in the magic of love. i have been very burned and am not likely to enter into a relationship for a very long time again...but that doesn't mean that someone else can't have the magic in her life - i hope you do.

[quankanne]

the idea about inviting him to do something still puts the ball in his court, but helps set the stage, too.

 

and I think you're absolutely right about not playing games. No matter how much of a player someone appears to be, I think everyone appreciates straightforwardness/honesty in a relationship. It saves a lot of trouble and misunderstanding.

[Raven]

Yes he really is out of town. I have no doubts that he would lie... not to mention we know a lot of the same people.

 

His trip was originally supposed to be 1-2 weeks (can't remember) but the day he was coming back, he called his roommate and left a message on the machine that he would not be flying in due to a family emergency. In my e-mail I just typed that I hoped all was well and that no one was hurt or ill. I also asked if and when he'd be coming back? left it at that. I've not sent him another mail, nor have I tried to call him.

 

As for implying that he could not call or come over while my friend was around... I did not specify either way. But in thinking back on it - it could have come out as tho I was blowing him off.

 

Oh the wicked webs we weave!

[Raven]

I meant to say: I know he did not lie, I have no doubts that he really is out of town... sorry

[yes]

i'd just wait for him to call. he has your #, right?

when he's back from his emergency, he'll call you - if he's interested.

that's my take - i leave it in the guy's hands. and in my experience, if he's into it, he will come around.

 

leaving notes on the door sounds cheesy to me. dont make so much effort yet!...

 

just an alternative view,

-yes

[Raven]

Thank you yes for your reply. I too agree that leaving a note on his door, may appear a desperate attempt.

 

I know that he does have my number... but I'm not sure that he took it with him on his trip considering he would only be gone for a week or so - also knowing that I had a friend in town that I mentioned spending ALL my time with. *sigh*

 

Let's see how things go... it's a waiting game from here.

 

I'll keep you posted.

 

Thank ALL for your replies! I know that this was a LONG story and I appreciate the time each of you have taken to read it and offer advice.

[Raven]

I posted "need help! (Long)"

 

Anyway I just caught wind that this guy is NOT coming back. I guess I'm looking for tips and suggestions of keeping busy.

[Ally Boo]

I've been trying to do the same thing myself. I started playing Pool religiously, and remodeling my house.

[butterflyz]

why is he not coming back? he's leaving his belongings?

[Raven]

I did not get specifics. All I hear was that he is not coming back. Said he found a good job and will be getting his own place in the same state he was visiting. As far as I know he moved to Fl from another state, leaving behind his friends and family.

 

When he went back home for a visit, I guess he realized how much he'd actually missed it and decided to stay there. As for his belongings, I'm sure he'll arrange for them to be shipped

 

Oh well... it was fun while it lasted. I know that there are NO shortage of guys in this world... so on to the next.