Author MoonGirl Posted February 20, 2007 Author Share Posted February 20, 2007 Princess, Thank you for sharing your story. It makes me ill how hard it is to get kids away from abusers. For now, I have to allow him to see the children, legally. We are working out a legal custody agreement in which he will have the children about 6 days a month. That is still too many for my liking, but it is better than the kids seeing him every day. The abuse my husband dished out was directed mostly at me, and was mostly verbal/emotional. Living with him was like living in an emotional torture chamber. Don't worry, I won't return to him. It scares me that he will wound our children emotionally and possibly physically. So far he has "only" slapped our daughter, pulled her ears, and spanked her. But I'm sure it will get worse when she gets older. He has left our son alone up until now, but that will probably change too. Unfortunately, I can only take legal action to stop the abuse if I know about it or have proof it is occurring...and since kids tend not to talk about this stuff, I am not sure what I can do. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 MG, don't you have the recordings of his verbal abuse? File for full custody and use them as proof of what kind of a man he is...and the kids could talk about it to the judge too Link to post Share on other sites
coco_milkshake Posted February 20, 2007 Share Posted February 20, 2007 MG, don't you have the recordings of his verbal abuse? File for full custody and use them as proof of what kind of a man he is...and the kids could talk about it to the judge too I dont think the kids would be able to talk to the judge about it - they are only 3 and 2 years old it would mess them up I think. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Sorry your going through this. I hope things work out for you. At least you don't live with him anymore and you know your children are safe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoonGirl Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 CardPlay3r, We met with a custody mediator yesterday. I do have recordings and that is why my husband is getting only 4 days of visitation plus 2 days of evening visits per month. Otherwise, he probably would have gotten a lot more visitation. On paper, he looks wonderful...no criminal record, good job, etc. He will likely also have to take parenting classes, anger management classes, and attend therapy. I am not happy that the kids will have visitation with him, but in my state, an abuser pretty much has to put a kid in the hospital or threaten to kill the kid before they'll loose visitation rights. And, no, my kids can't testify since they are so small. I am hoping my husband will eventually loose interest in the kids. He is very lazy, so maybe after a couple of months he won't come to get them anymore. But his parents like to spend time with the kids, so it's possible they'll force him to pick them up. We'll see. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoonGirl Posted February 21, 2007 Author Share Posted February 21, 2007 Sorry your going through this. I hope things work out for you. At least you don't live with him anymore and you know your children are safe. Thanks for your support. Things are getting better. Unfortunately, the kids still have to see their dad every other weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted February 21, 2007 Share Posted February 21, 2007 Hey it's better than both you and the kids being with them every day...seems all you can do now is get your kids to tell you if anything goes wrong...and if he hits them leaving marks go to the hospital for medical evidence They are still in your custody which is good, you can move states if things get too bad as well... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoonGirl Posted March 6, 2007 Author Share Posted March 6, 2007 So my husband emailed me all sorts of nasty crap today. Then he called me while I was at work. I lost it...had to go in a private room. I was sobbing and just let him have it. I'm not sure why I took the effort even...I have told him all of these things before...several times....again and again and again. I told him how controlling he was, how verbally abusive, how insensitive, how completely stubborn he is...that if he loved me, he would have tried to meet my emotional needs rather than bullying me. He told me that my emotional needs were superficial. Anyway, this was the first conversation I have had with him where I had the upper hand. I told him everything I thought of him, his behavior, his life...and none of what I said was good. I told him I couldn't believe he would put his need to be superior and abusive above all else...and explained how I thought he was a total whimp for not wanting to heal himself. I told him that he will just go on to abuse the next woman and make her life miserable too. Then I got a call an hour later. He sounded very quiet and told me that he wanted to go to therapy and marriage counseling. Huh?????????????? I was so entirely stunned...this is a guy who told me for so long that therapy is for the weak and that he would NEVER consider going. But I just think it is too late for me. I don't think I love him anymore, not at all. I care about him...sort of like a pet. And, now, I am casually dating another man. A man with no psychological problems who is not abusive, who is respectful, honest, and handsome. I guess I would love to be able to be married to the father of my children...BUT I think that it would take him a LONG time, maybe even a lifetime to overcome his need to abuse. And I just don't have that kind of energy right now... Thanks for listening. Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted March 6, 2007 Share Posted March 6, 2007 Hey he's not sincere, people don't change their whole life conceptions in an hour :laugh: But it is classic for abusers to be nasty one minute super nice the next, and to promise the moon trying to win you back... Link to post Share on other sites
Author MoonGirl Posted March 7, 2007 Author Share Posted March 7, 2007 CardPlay3r, I know. I don't want him back, and I'm not going to take him back...but he is still able to play with my emotions. I really do seriously hope he gets some therapy, but it won't be marriage counseling with me. Link to post Share on other sites
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