Symptoms Back Again

[velvet]

I posted last week that I'm a wreck when apart from my guy. I have them again today. I figured out how to describe it so that those who read will get a better understanding. It feels like the emotions you go through when you've been dumped. I haven't been dumped but when I'm in pain while were apart thats what it feels like. I go through a tremendous amount of emotions that are flat out painful. Last week allot of those who replied said to enjoy it. I'm working on it. I'm just a little stubborn and weak.

 

We have been spending allot of time together over the last few months. I know he has needed some space. Me, I cant stand to give him space and I only do it for the sake of our r/s.

 

We spoke over the phone Friday evening after work. He called me said he bought a washer/dryer, said he would be washing cloths this weekend and will also have his daughter for the weekend. He said that he would call me later on that night and we would arrange for a time that we would get together for that same evening. Its Sunday night and he didn't call. I think its because he needs his space. He has also been in pain from a wisdom tooth impact. I had planned on bringing him a bottle of pills I put together to help him with his pain. Hes too scared to go to the dentist. Well, he never called!

 

I finally called this evening and left a message asking if he was OK and to call when he has a moment.

 

I had a good weekend except the fact that he didn't call. So because he has not jingled my phone my mind has had dozens of questions run through. Is he with another girl? Than I think not likely. Is his jaw so swollen that he cant even mumble? I think it could very well be but wouldn't he call to tell me to bring the pills I had mentioned! He has his little girl this weekend, does he just want to spend time with her with no interruptions? I think, it doest give him the right not to call after he said he would.

 

Than I think at this time of day he should have taken his daughter back to her mothers and be home for the evening. Should I just drive by and see if everything is alright? Than I think, Ill see him at work tomorrow. Than I'm thinking well I could drive over there. What if I catch him doing something I'm not supposed to know about. Than I think girl get a grip, you trust the guy now leave everything alone.

 

What could be the reason he hasn't called? Anyone want to take a stab at it?

[butterflyz]

this is difficult - i don't envy the rollercoaster ride you are going through.

 

it sounds like you have it bad for this guy. he may perceive it as "needy" and doesn't want someone clinging on to him - needing a fix. it does sound like you almost go through a withdrawal process when you are apart - so that's what he may be catching onto. that makes anyone feel uncomfortable. i had an experience once where i just loved being around my bf and just touching and being near him - when he started calling my "klingon" i backed off. i was excited - he got cornered.

 

as far as why he didn't call - it sounds like he had alot going on (daughter, wisdom tooth) and if he is perceiving you as needy - he wasn't going to take on the task of taking care of you too. eventhough you were going to go over and take care of him, he may feel that you would have taken too much energy from him.

 

i know you probably don't want to hear this stuff - i haven't either in the past - but i have learned a whole lot from the guys that got turned off when i got too absorbed in them.

 

why don't you just ask him to be honest? does he have the courage to be honest? most guys don't.

 

good luck.

[yes]

i think you need to distance yourself from this guy a lil bit.

my take is that unless he's in a hospital, he should've called when he said he would.

 

teeth trouble and daughter are all good reasons to be busy, but if u were on the TOP of his priority list, he'd call to check up on u.

 

so, why don't you cool down, and create some distance. maybe he's been having too much of you. maybe he senses that u've got it so bad for him, and it's making him feel TOO secure...

either way, distancing yourself will help you to, hopefully, stop feeling sick when he's not around, and let him miss you more and worry about what u'r upto.

 

i dont know if ur exclusive w/ this guy, but im currently dating several guys ... and u know - the distance is great... if one of them didnt call, another did, so im basically never upset about any one of them. however, this is also b/c i'm not head over hell for any of them...

 

anyway, just some thoughts;

update us on the events and how ur feeling when u get a chance

-yes

[Ally Boo]

It seems like he is the source of your happiness. NEVER let some person have that position in your life bc they will ALWAYS fall short. The reasons why intimacy is so special is because it's precious....it doesn't happen often. Instead of letting it leave you wanting more and feeling rejected, instead, think about how wonderful the time is together, and let the thoughts bring back feelings that make you feel better.

 

Just bc he isn't calling doesn't mean he hasn't thought of you. Last night I found myself in a similar situation. Steven was supposed to stay with me last night....he had come over earlier, and hadn't come back. I talked to him on the phone and he told me that he was going to a comedy club and would call me when he got done. Well, Steven has to wake up at like 3 am. And it was getting close to midnight and I hadn't heard from him....and he wasn't answering his phone, and my first thought was "OMG who is he with?" Well, I told myself I was being crazy, and to not assume, mind read, or jump to conclusions. As soon as I stopped worrying about it and was getting ready to fall asleep...he called. He was VERY appologetic and sincere. I could tell he was disappointed that he didn't get to see me. He said that the show went long and at the beginning of the show they ask you to turn off your cell phones, (its a hypnotist show) and he never knew I called.

 

So, what I'm trying to say is, just chill, he obviously thinks your relationship is strong enough to know that if he doesn't call, it doesn't mean that he doesn't care.

[Raven]

Is this the first time in a relationship that you've felt this way? The reason I ask, is maybe your gut is talking to you. I was in a relationship for a LONG time and all was well. I was never the "needy" or jealous type. But for some reason it all hit at once.

 

I could not sit still, I had sick butterflies in my gut, my heart beat hard and fast and I felt empty... My friends all told me I was being petty and insecure. I started rationalizing what I later found out were warning signs.

 

See what type of excuse he has if any for not calling you... but at the same time, DON'T ignore your gut no matter how bad.

 

If this is the FIRST time you've felt this way, pay attention to your feelings and things. I'm sorry you're feeling this way, it's a rotten feeling and I know first hand.

 

keep us posted

[velvet]

We work together, If I had not known him 8 years ago we wouldn't be working together today. He came in brainstorming about all the marketing ideas he had over the weekend. He was presenting his ideas out loud to the owner. I joined the conversation and we all brainstormed together.

 

He left the office to work and I noticed he kept calling me for answers to any questions he had regarding specific work related things. The questions should have been answered from the person who was actually managing his customers, etc, etc. I thought it was odd for him to call me. He usually does like to jump on the nextel and blab about work and ideas and go on and on. Usually when hes mad at me or trying to avoid me he wont. He actually will try to avoid me at all costs. That has not been the case in a very long time. I was under the impression that he was avoiding me over the weekend because he didn't call.

 

Turns out he was home with his daughter all weekend reading marketing books which is why he entered the office this morning with a hand full of ideas. I never asked why he didn't call. He looked as though he didn't feel good.

 

At the end of the day he called was asking a question about a customer. Afterward, I asked him how his painful tooth was treating him. He said it was still hurting. I told him I had came across something I found over the weekend that I wanted to give him. He was interested in that. I said that I had it with me, if he had time to come by the office and get. He didn't have time and that was that. I asked no more questions and he has not called me back.

 

He looks like he has things on his mind or maybe just in pain from the tooth. He sure does look and act real blah.

[butterflyz]

you've given him every opportunity to show him you care and are interested in him.

 

based on your last post, i'd say that he likes you, but doesn't return your affections. now, i'm not there, but that's how he comes across. you mentioned in your post how he doesn't call you when he's mad or trying to avoid you. that doesn't sound too good.

 

you are probably a loving, giving person. you may have picked the wrong person to be loving and giving towards. it doesn't sound like he appreciates you or the things you do.

 

a man that wants you would be ecstatic that you thought of him and got him something and would want to see you and what you bought him, RIGHT AWAY.

 

try rethinking your feelings. rent the move "Singles" and make a mental note of the bridget fonda and matt dillon characters. it will reset your thoughts.

[velvet]

After I posted my last message a couple days ago he called. I've spent the last two evenings with him and things have been beautiful. We've planned on a camping trip this weekend.

 

He mentioned last night while he had company over about a party he was at a few weeks ago. I had known nothing about it. I asked why he didn't tell me about it. He asked if I felt jealous and not have trust in him. I said nope because it has been my experience that a man, if given the opportunity, would take it.

He went on to say that I'm beautiful, prefect body and how he is poor and ugly and he said he loved me last night about 20 times.

 

This sounds good and felt good. I know their is a very deep love between us. Its so deep that it hurts. I have felt this way going on 3 years now. The first two years we dated were horrible. Allot of emotions that were wrenching but came about because of his divorce. He still has allot of emotional scars from that period, as do I. My "Symptoms" are probably part of the results from that period. I really hold on tight inside in fear of loosing him.

 

To end the conversation he we had he said that he learned allot from his marriage. All this while in front of his buddies no less.

 

I'm really scared of how much I love him.

[Ally Boo]

Its understandable to be afraid of loving someone so much. But if you think you'll lose him, then you actually will. It sounds like your relationship with him is a very good one, and you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Just try to relax!!

[RogueK]

I'm going through a break up right now and am looking toward a future on my own. I think of things that make me happy and keep me going. I'm going to school now to get my certifications to be a network supervisor. I have a good future and am happy other than my recent break up.

 

But i think to the future and love. I'm told if i'm true to myself and the people around me as well as take care of myself i'll find someone eventually. Someone possibly to love and deep down i think i believe that.

 

However since thing's have gone the way they are. I feel afraid to have to go through this all again. The thought of starting out with someone you like and having it turn out into love scares me because of what happens down the road. It seems that you can always be true, understanding and there for that person forever, but sometimes feelings change.

 

It seems like a trust issue. I have a hard time accepting that someone loves me and it seems to mess things up. I think it might have in my recent relationship. I was afraid of commitment because i was afraid down the road something would happen and i'd be hurt (of course in feeling that way this was the end result anyway).

 

Trust is very important to me and i don't know if it's a self esteem problem or what but i'm afraid that if/when i do find someone else i'll end up loving them too much...like how you are describing.

 

Backing off always seems like the way to go though no matter how hard it is. I don't want to give up on my ex because of the way i feel about her but regardless i need to back off and move on. Space is very important to people and maybe he needs to have time to decide things on his own. Then if he does truely decide you are what he needs then sit down and talk to him about it. Don't keep it in the dark because then at least this way maybe you two will understand the situation and it will be easier to deal with.