lost cause?

[pbear]

I finally met a great guy he treated me better than anyone ever has ever, we loved spending time together, talked about a possible future together etc... We dated (exclusively) for 2 1/2 months. Then, we had a conflict. He disappointed me by not showing up or calling when he said he would to meet up with me and a family member. Turns out, he had accidently fallen asleep. I was upset and overreacted and said things to him that he said hurt him. Later I apologized, but he kept bringing the incident up. He never treated me the same after that (we dated for another 3 months), he said he was afraid I would always act that way when things didn't go my way, and he believed I purposely wanted to hurt him. We tried spending time together again but things were different. I felt like I was the only one making any effort in the relationship. Finally, the last straw for me was when he accused me of screening his calls (he didn't leave any messages) and said he needed to "reevaluate" things (this, after he didn’t return my phone call for 5 days). I said I didn't need to reevaluate, I knew what I wanted and I needed him to be the way he was before. He said he wanted things to be that way too, but didn't know how to change things. So I said we should go our separate ways. My problem is, I can’t get over him and can't stop thinking about him. This relationship was, at first, everything I ever wanted. It has been 2 months and we have not talked. A couple weeks ago, I saw his number on my caller id, but no message. I haven’t tried to contact him, but I really miss him and want to try again. Should I follow my heart and contact him or is this a lost cause?

[honeybee255]

If he wanted to go seperate ways then what is he doing calling you again after two months? I would call to see what is up and say you saw it on the caller ID. Then go from there. you were the one that said go seperate ways..who knows maybe it was for the best, maybe he was revealing his true self..its weird after time you get to know the real person and so forth..he said he didnt know how to change things, that should tell you right there..he probably has feelings for you still, but its all seems shaky..call first..and in my opinion you should always follow whats in your heart..i hope things work out and keep us posted..

[Tony T]

Once you have shown your butt to somebody, it's often very hard to erase the damage. The poor guy is human...he accidentally fell asleep...and instead of being empathetic and forgiving you bit his head off. No man on the planet wants a lady who would not show some kind understanding in those circumstances.

 

Dating is for the purpose of finding the right person. You have shown him a behavior that may not be typical of a person he wants in his life permanently.

 

Yes, the two of you could get together again, but if you show this kind of behavior again...lose your cool when he makes a mistake again...it could be all over.

 

If you think you're ready to show some empathy and compassion towards people who are human and less than perfect, give him a call. Let him know how you feel and see how things go from there.

 

Don't feel bad. This is a learning process. It's really hard sometimes to go from the home of your parents, where you've been corrected for every little thing for many years, out to the real world where you have to treat others MUCH differently than your parents treated you. The real adult world is a very different place.

 

It could take a while for him to get over your reaction that day but it's certainly possible. You have clearly learned that blunders of this sort can adversely affect the course of your life...and certainly a relationship.

 

Start being more cool and carefree in your dealings with homo sapiens. After all, they are only human.