Lovelyblond Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 (I am Russian and English is not my first language so sorry if this doesn't make sense.) I am intelligent, very attractive well-paid model and have many men vying for my attention. I was with a man who emotionally abused me and cheated on me many times for a number of years. He broke my heart constantly and put me down often. He promised change and when it was great it was really great (trips, and romance)- until I fell back for him again and he had me right where he wanted me. I finally got the guts to end it after I found him naked in his spa with three women performing oral sex on one. It has been seven months the phone calls haven't stopped. I am sent expensive jewelery, flowers, gifts, and poems (all declerations of his "undying love" for me). I have dated wonderful men in the mean time. But I am still drawn to my ex. When he calls I have to answer, even if it is to tell him I don't want to speak to him (pathetic). WHY?! Is it the excitement of not knowing where I stand? The thrill of the chase? Is it still love? Admiration for the power he has over me? Am I just nuts? I have been reading for a few months now and decided I needed to ask the LSer's for help! Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 because you are attracted to the power of this man and see his desirability as a reflection of your own so you dismiss the very rational reasons for just excising him from your life. If you are well-paid already, why do you respond to his showering of riches on you instead of his faithfulness? Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 because you are attracted to the power of this man and see his desirability as a reflection of your own so you dismiss the very rational reasons for just excising him from your life. If you are well-paid already, why do you respond to his showering of riches on you instead of his faithfulness? Brilliant post. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 I find in many cases like this the man acts "perfect" in the beginning of the relationship. Then once he knows she is hooked, he goes back to being the guy that he really is. The woman hangs on thinking if she just loves the man, he'll eventually go back to being the good guy he was when they first met. The problem is, he never was. If you understand that the man he is now is the man he always was, then you can at least accept that he is WRONG for you and let go. He's not going to change and if you really believe you can get any man you want then why waste your time on this one? Are you trying to convince us of that or yourself? Prove it by letting this guy go and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted January 16, 2007 Share Posted January 16, 2007 Sometimes when a person doesn't have any self worth, they are willing to settle for the things you refer to. The things you list about yourself are not what you need to recognize on the inside. They are just superficial things. Maybe you need to work with a counselor about your self worth. You should really require much more respect from any man than what he has shown you. Don't settle for that type of man, you will have a very long and sorry life. It's like signing up for disappointment and there is nobody to blame but yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted January 17, 2007 Share Posted January 17, 2007 It is a horrible feeling being on a date with a wonderful man, and all you can think about is the as*hole who broke your heart. Just keep thinking about the disgusted and heart-broken feeling (it hurts but it saves you from answering the phone) when you walked in on him. Just keep telling yourself time will heal the pain- because I can assure you, it will. But first think you need to speak to him and tell him if he keeps harrassing and contacting you, you will call the police. Even if you don't mean it this will hopefully be enough to make him reconsider his actions, and realise you want nothing more to do with him. I can tell you don't... just stay strong and as was said previously, seek help about creating a stronger self worth. Link to post Share on other sites
SoundedPlum Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 because you are attracted to the power of this man and see his desirability as a reflection of your own so you dismiss the very rational reasons for just excising him from your life. If you are well-paid already, why do you respond to his showering of riches on you instead of his faithfulness? WOW. I LOVE that! It hits close to home... you're so used to getting your way, so when a guy brushes you off or you realize you can't have him, you chase him with everything you have. Amazing post! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 You want him because he couldn't care less. You are beautiful, but he isn't impressed by that because he can probably have anyone he wants also and does. He is a player and probably has an account at the florist and the jewelry store so he can "make up" to betrayed women anytime he wants and he knows this will do the trick. You don't know where you stand because he doesn't want you to. Remember, players only love you when they're playing. I guarantee you when this man chooses a wife, she will be nothing like you thought he would choose. She will not be the most beautiful, but will be highly intelligent and faithful because that is who he will want to raise his children. Do yourself a favor and walk away while you can. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 BTW, if you seriously want him to stop contacting you it is very easy to change your phone numbers. It is free if you tell the phone companies you have been receiving obscene phone calls. In the meantime, if you pick up the phone and it's him simply hang up. He'll get the message. Do not be fooled that he is calling you out of love. He isn't! Link to post Share on other sites
Appje Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 because you are attracted to the power of this man and see his desirability as a reflection of your own so you dismiss the very rational reasons for just excising him from your life. If you are well-paid already, why do you respond to his showering of riches on you instead of his faithfulness? So true. You shouldn't be attracted to the things he give you. You should look at his attitude towards you. If I were you I wouldn't take him back. But don't take my opinion seriously. It's just me Link to post Share on other sites
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