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lingering resentment....


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Spoonandfork22

well the past month with all the bf BS has been a rollercoaster. We have been really good but I think I have a 'delayed relationship'. THis is what i mean...

 

with my ex boyfriend i was head over heels in love with him. we said i love you after nearly 4 months together and i meant it throughout our entire relationship. i remember not being able to control saying it, it was just right, and i wanted nothing more then to be with him.

 

current SO....not so much. although i adore him, i feel myself distancing, becoming more like a friend then a gf. Dont get me wrong I am still the devoted gf but not at all to the degree that I was to my ex, or how i was in the beginning of our relationship.

 

im wondering if this is due to the situation that has occured between me and my current bf or because i have grown up and have learned that love isnt something to rush. i dont want to be in a relationship where i resent the person and pull away instead of move forward. i want to be wtih my bf but i really have all these emotions i dont understand. i feel no need to tell him i love him...i question our relationship, i question his motives and i still question him & that girl, who messed this all up for me.

 

i want to believe everything he says. i want to trust him, to believe him when he tells me where hes been, what hes doing that night, etc.

 

everyone always says trust your gut. ive done that a few times. once i was right, another time i was wrong and ruined my relationship because of it. i know my bf picks up on this. he asks me all the time "why are you being quiet" or "whats going on? youre acting wierd" in whcih i always say "im fine" because weve talked about this so many times its frusterating for the both of us and its like a broken record. plus, i cant even sort out my own feelings right now.

 

 

am i doomed here?

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Maybe I don't know your situation enough but why do you resent him?

 

One other question, was your ex that you speak about falling in love with so fast your first love?

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Spoonandfork22

i resent him because he lied to me about a girl (his sort of ex) that he was still talking to and leading on behind my back (you can see the story in some of my started threads)

 

the ex i fell in love w. so fast wasnt my first love, although we were together two years. i think i was with him with my blinders on.

 

 

im at a point where i dont trust anyone.

 

it seems everytime i put my heart out there i am dissapointed.

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