Why is it that when us woman have been jilted, we cut our hair?

[DyingHeart]

I've always wanted to know why we do this. I'm sure not every woman who's been dropped cut their hair, but many of us do. Maybe 3 days after my fiance broke up with me, I cut off most of my hair. I had almost butt lenght black hair. I donated it to locks of love of course I like the cut and I got to dye it red, yay! But I've done this before. All of my life when I was hurt by a guy, I cut my hair on impulse. I've seen so many people do it too. What is the significance of this? Does it mean we are freeing ourselves in a way?

 

Chrissi

[LucreziaBorgia]

I think it does. After one particular heartbreak, I cut my hair down from shoulder length to a buzz cut that was not more than an inch and a half long at the longest point. I damn near came close to doing that again this week, but held off.

 

Heartbreak, particularly the kind that comes from being cheated on I find, tends to strip away the very essense of what makes us feel like women in the fullest sense. Sexuality and romance diminishes, and the shearing down of the hair is a tangible reflection of that diminshment. We cut our hair down short, because we were cut down short ourselves. It is our way of mourning that loss. It can be a freeing sort of thing to temporarily relinquish our 'woman' self, but hair grows back. Perhaps its a subconscious effort at 'rebirth' - a way to start over again.

 

At least that's how I see it, when I've done it before.

[lovelorcet]

I dunno...

 

As a man I prefer sleeping with younger, better looking chicks after a break...

[ash519]

I changed my hair everytime I got heartbroken or something along those lines. I think it makes us feel new and refreshed. Maybe deep down part of us thinks that since we got our heartbroken with THAT hair, it shouldnt and wont with THIS hair. I dont think i ever really thought that but maybe it is one of those deep seeded things.

 

As for Love...sometimes it is nice to just sleep with a hot guy real quick. Makes our self esteem go up, as short lived as that may be, so SOME women are the same when it comes to that.

[polywog]

WOW! Someone should do a thesis on this! When my marriage ended 10 years ago, I cut my hair super short and had it died platinum blonde! In the town I live in, i have seen this exact same thing happen over and over, to the point that when I see a woman suddenly sporting short hair, I think "uh-oh".

Now that the LTR I am in has been ended by my SO, I have been thinking of calling the salons... and I have long hair, right now. Could it be that the hair on our heads grew when we were in the R and we want to shed it because of that and grow new hair that has not been touched by the lost lover? Interesting!

[guin_girl]

I am struggling right now not to do something drastic to my hair. Last time I bleached it out and 8 years later, I'm still trying to get it back to it's original luster!! By the way, I did find RED heads have more fun than blondes

 

But I will NEVER cut my waist length hair again... no man is worth the time it took to get there!!

[dropdeadlegs]

After a breakup I agree that many women, myself included, have done something to their hair. And it is often drastic.

 

I agree that it represents a rebirth of some kind and believe it exerts control over some part of our lives and ourselves. We couldn't make the relationship work, but we have power over our hair!

 

I've done the buzz cut, I've chopped off length and sent it to Locks of Love. I've done a, polar effect, color change. It made me feel in control of something and like a brand new girl.

 

I also tend to lose weight after a break up. Is that from the sadness, or is it because I want to look better for the possibility of someone new seeing my naked body? I think both. But still, hair and weight are something I can control when all around me seems to have gone haywire..

[Road Rage]

A woman changes a hairstyle when she is ready to move on. It may seem she changed her hair because she was dumped but that is not it. Emotionally, she is ready to leave the relationship behind and not look back.

 

See, a guy has to know these things. Watch out for the woman out of a relationship that hasn`t changed her hair. Her heart is still in the relationship regardless of her protestations.

[bab]

Yep. I've done it. I don't know the psychology behind it, but it is definitely true.

[princessa]

I hate cutting my hair. And I wouldn't cut it especially after a breakup because it will make me feel even more depressed. I love my hair long and sexy, particularly after a heartbreak when I need to feel sexier than ever.

[polywog]

And while we are on this fascinating topic of hair, how many of you have experienced "Break-up Glow"? I mean, over this past week with my SO breaking it off, I have been told how beautiful I look, even by people who don't know what is going on with me. I have noticed that women (not men) get some sort of glowing of beauty or soul when going through this. I always experience the weight loss, but it's not just this. I remember a few years ago running into a female pal I had not seen in a while, and she had The Glow. I knew she had had problems in her relationship, and at some point I asked casually how it was going... she sighed and said things were rocky. I said, "wow, I just have to tell you that you have the glow of a woman who is breaking up!" Turns out the relationship was on the verge, proving my theory! She has since become happily married to this man, but it's interesting that her look told me what she was going through at that time.

[2sunny]

It may be that we - as women - subconsciously know that men prefer long hair (usually correlates to sexy for men). So - in our defiant nature - we rebel....

 

THAT is my theory...by the way... mine is a bit longer, and very sexy!

[dgiirl]

It may be that we - as women - subconsciously know that men prefer long hair (usually correlates to sexy for men). So - in our defiant nature - we rebel....

 

THAT is my theory...by the way... mine is a bit longer, and very sexy!

 

damnit, i wanted to say this

 

But I totally agree. I think most men prefer long hair. So when a woman is in a relationship, she tends to either keep it like the man wants, or in defiance, cuts it totally opposite. Once the relationship is over, she does whatever is in defiance of that SO.

 

For me, my ex always liked short hair, which is strange since he met me with super long hair. I never cut it short, but did make it more updated with the times. But I would often slack on my hair and go long for months, then cut it, then let it grow. He always poked fun of my long hair. Once I broke up with him, I started cutting my hair more often. I think it's in defiance of him.

[RecordProducer]

Does it mean we are freeing ourselves in a way?

I can't relate to your particular issue, but I used to cut my hair (from long to shoulder length) and I still dye my hair when I am not happy with my looks and/or when I am bored with my life. I make hair changes like once a year or once every year and a half. But I think that's normal, just like you get bored of wearing the same jeans or shoes and you buy new.

 

However when you cut all of your hair immediately after a break-up, I think it's different. It's not freeing. It's more related to self-destruction, because you feel bad. You feel bad about yourself and you want to punish yourself by cutting a part of your body off. Of course, you're not so silly as to cut your arm off so you cut your hair off. Your soul is crippled and a piece of your heart is cut off. So you identify yourself with the loss and "punish" yourself. You want your body to match your feelings about yourself. Besides, the hair is a feminine symbol and when you feel rejected in the love department, your perception of yourself as a woman is temporarily ruined. But the hair grows back. So does the heart (heal) after being broken. It will take about a year or two for both to get back to normal.

[riobikini]

re:

 

DyingHeart: " Why is it that when us woman have been jilted, we cut our hair?"

 

Not us old-school Southern gals! -we know that (for some delightful reason) having long hair = power!

 

Especially, in regards to men.

 

Maybe that's the precise underlying reason some cut their hair: feeling powerless -and looking for ways to recover that loss of power, many do the one thing that will expose how they feel.

 

It's the evidence of the effect of the whole experience and the battle on the inside.

 

It's supposed to be all about searching for ways they hope will improve their looks and emotions for themselves (and I realize there's some trouble with the theory) -but cutting my hair is the *last* thing I would ever do.

 

-Rio

[Salicious Crumb]

Better question, why is it a woman cuts her hair after the wedding?

 

Its like they use their hair to be more attractive, then when they snag their man, they figure...why bother keeping it up now?

[magda]

I usually cut and color my hair when I'm coming out of a depressed phase in life. Do not remember doing it immediately after a break-up but it always, always cheers me up.

[Pink Amulet]

Maybe when we look in the mirror we like to see a visual change from the poor pathetic girl who got her heartbroken.

[polywog]

I just had to check this forum out again, because I find it fascinating.

I am a northern chick, and cut my hair actually a few weeks before my XH wanted the divorce, that I secretly wanted, too....

 

Then after it happened, I died it platinum. I got hit on non stop when I did this, by northern guys (I live North)

 

Is this a Mason-Dixon line thing? I did not see the long-hair=power thing, quite the opposite....

 

How 'bout you-all?

[guin_girl]

I just had to check this forum out again, because I find it fascinating.

I am a northern chick, and cut my hair actually a few weeks before my XH wanted the divorce, that I secretly wanted, too....

 

Then after it happened, I died it platinum. I got hit on non stop when I did this, by northern guys (I live North)

 

Is this a Mason-Dixon line thing? I did not see the long-hair=power thing, quite the opposite....

 

How 'bout you-all?

Southern girl here... I get more compliments when my hair is straight down my back to my waist then when I take all the time to curl it and get all gussied up. All the guys I deal with prefer long hair, they feel that the girl is more down to earth, less maintenance and more easy going... don't kill the messenger

[dropdeadlegs]

As someone who grew up in the north and live in the deep south, it may very well be a Mason-Dixon thing. I see much more long hair than short hair here, and I don't think southern women go with trends in general as much as northern women. I haven't asked every man I've dated here, but those that gave their opinion seemed to prefer long hair. My father is from the north and he states that he prefers long hair, but my mother has had short hair as long as I can remember. They have been married nearly 43 years.

[polywog]

Well, this stuff is interresting! I think most men in the North I know prefer long hair, too, despite my being hit on when I had the short hair! Maybe the guys saw me with my short platinum blonde hair and thought "Easy mark, recently dumped"!

 

By the way, I am turned off by long hair on men. Don't know why. Altho my LT SO just broke up w/me, I don't plan to get rid of the long hair, tho it has crossed my mind to get it shaped just to, I dunno, change something. Because I thought about it today, and then saw this thread, that's why this thread is so irresistable!

 

Besides which the thread I have become addicted to doesn't have new posts, so this is a great place to kill some LS time...

[DyingHeart]

lol, I just find it amusing. Everytime I was rejected or broken up with I cut my hair and re-colored. I didn't do the buzz thing. That would be way too much for me. I opted for more of a choppy kind of look. I have the the right features to make any color work. So, I know I'm not making myself ugly, lol. My ex didn't care whether I had short or long hair. My niece has done it too, everytime. I know some women go to the spa, get their nails done, etc. Me? I just feel so blah, so I cut my hair off, lol.

Ugh, not to mention that I had a lot of kidney problems, and A LOT of Xrays. So my hair was falling out in chunks . I think it looks better short, but it wont be long till I'm trying to grow it out again. I'd say, about 4 years ago, my ex and I almost broke up over something really silly and it pissed me off, so I cut my hair off then too. He likes red heads, and I had red hair, so I punked it up a bit and dyed it black out of defiance. He seemed to like that look as well:rolleyes: . Ah, well, at least I know my hair is going to a good cause

[ShoeGirl]

I didn't realize that so many other women did this.

 

When my ex and I broke up I cut 14 inches off my hair. I had reasoning behind it, at least in my mind... my ex loved long long hair, if I even trimmed it he would notice and comment that it seemed short. So when he didn't have any say in what I did anymore I cut it all off and dyed it dark (I am naturally blonde) then posted the pictures on my myspace that I knew he checked frequently. He left several comments saying that I didn't look good and whatever else, but I was getting a ton of compliments from other guys who thought it was a good change.

[Star Gazer]

I hate cutting my hair. And I wouldn't cut it especially after a breakup because it will make me feel even more depressed. I love my hair long and sexy, particularly after a heartbreak when I need to feel sexier than ever.

 

Me too. The LAST thing I'd do after a breakup is CUT my hair...I love the length. I will, however, go get a deep conditioning treatment and a few more highlights! :-)