"Honey... am I FAT?" .. what's your answer to that?

[princessa]

Sometimes I used to bug my ex with this question... "..do you think I'm Fat?" And it would always spark a war between us because he could never give in and just say "no, you're beautiful". He'd always have to give some avoidant, shady vague answer like "well.. do you think you're fat? Look at me, I'm overweight I shouldn't even talk". Huh? Whatever happened to "Hellllll no , youre the most beautiful girl i've ever seen"???? Clearly he had too much pride for that.

 

Just for the record I do not think I'm fat. Yeah I'm curvy and I don't like my body, but I still think I look great, and so do all the single guys!!! I was used to getting compliments all the time from everybody..... except my ex... WHY?

 

Oh yeah at one point I was questionning him and I think he said something like "well do you want me to lie"... WTF I think I stayed mad at him for weeks over this. NOBODY says that.

[ilmw]

Sometimes I used to bug my ex with this question... "..do you think I'm Fat?" And it would always spark a war between us because he could never give in and just say "no, you're beautiful". He'd always have to give some avoidant, shady vague answer like "well.. do you think you're fat? Look at me, I'm overweight I shouldn't even talk". Huh? Whatever happened to "Hellllll no , youre the most beautiful girl i've ever seen"???? Clearly he had too much pride for that.

 

Just for the record I do not think I'm fat. Yeah I'm curvy and I don't like my body, but I still think I look great, and so do all the single guys!!! I was used to getting compliments all the time from everybody..... except my ex... WHY?

 

Oh yeah at one point I was questionning him and I think he said something like "well do you want me to lie"... WTF I think I stayed mad at him for weeks over this. NOBODY says that.

 

Hmmm...what would me answer be:

 

No dear... you are just plesantly plump!

 

or..Umm compared to what dear?

 

or... Yes... now put down the fork!

 

or... No... of course not... you look wonderful (I think that would be the smartest answer if you love someone... )

[princessa]

Wow.. men have become so brainwashed by the media that they expect perfection (even when they're far from being perfect themselves"). How incredibly hypocritical and sad.

[JackJack]

Asking someone if you think you look fat can be a loaded question. You already stated you didn't see yourself as fat, but what you might see as fat or not, another might have a different view. In other words maybe your ex thought you were but was afraid to tell you.Nope I'm not trying to be sound harsh either and I'm sorry if I come across that way, its not my intention. No one wants to be told they look fat, and no one sure wants to answer someone by saying, "Yes, you look fat." Sometimes people should not be surprised as the answers they receive when asking a question like that. If your ex was fat, and he asked you that question, how would you answer him? If you feel you look good and are not fat then thats whats important.

[My Fair Katie]

Egads, I've never asked this question of a man.* I'm not sure I could accept ANY answer, so I live in my own dillusional world where it's obvious my hubby only has eyes for my own personal brand of hottness.

 

I have once asked, "Does this shirt make me look fat?" His eyes got as big as saucers and I said, "Wait, don't answer--there is no good answer, I'm just gonna go change."

 

*I do however ask my female best friend, for some reason it won't hurt coming from her if she says, "well Katie, you are getting to be a bit of a porker dear."

[laRubiaBonita]

Sometimes I used to bug my ex with this question... "..do you think I'm Fat?" And it would always spark a war between us because he could never give in and just say "no, you're beautiful". He'd always have to give some avoidant, shady vague answer like "well.. do you think you're fat? Look at me, I'm overweight I shouldn't even talk". Huh? Whatever happened to "Hellllll no , youre the most beautiful girl i've ever seen"???? Clearly he had too much pride for that.

 

Just for the record I do not think I'm fat. Yeah I'm curvy and I don't like my body, but I still think I look great, and so do all the single guys!!! I was used to getting compliments all the time from everybody..... except my ex... WHY?

 

Oh yeah at one point I was questionning him and I think he said something like "well do you want me to lie"... WTF I think I stayed mad at him for weeks over this. NOBODY says that.

 

soo maybe your Ex did think you were fat which is why he Never said yes.

 

I do not understand why people ask others Opinions and then Discount what they hear because they believe differently. Hello.... do not ask the question then.

[whichwayisup]

Asking someone if you think you look fat can be a loaded question

This is exactly what I thought when I read the first post.

 

By asking that question, be prepared for the answer, otherwise DON'T ask it! If you feel you're abit chunky and need to lose weight, don't ASK your spouse, "honey do you think I look fat?" He's doomed either way!! You already know the answer, so why ask.

[bluechocolate]

Clearly he had too much pride for that.

 

Maybe he was put off by your obvious attempts at fishing for compliments? Just a thought.

[SmoochieFace]

Wow.. men have become so brainwashed by the media that they expect perfection (even when they're far from being perfect themselves"). How incredibly hypocritical and sad.

 

Not all men.

 

However, it seems to me that most women expect perfection for themselves, hence the popularity of mass media programmes, products, and services marketed specifically towards women.

[dropdeadlegs]

If you don't think you're fat, why ask (or worry about) someone else's opinion? It seems like one of those "I'm looking to start an argument" subjects.

 

Sure the "right" answer is to say "not at all, you are beautiful" but is it his job to keep your self esteem elevated? That's hard to keep up with!

 

I agree that saying nice things about your SO's appearance is important, but I can't ever remember being with a man worried about his fatness. Sure, I suck in my gut when my BF touches my midsection, but he sure doesn't. It's about my misconception about what is attractive, not his.

 

Many men have been brainwashed by society, but many women have been brainwashed even more so about how we should look, and how we should feel about how we look.

[princessa]

Asking someone if you think you look fat can be a loaded question. You already stated you didn't see yourself as fat, but what you might see as fat or not, another might have a different view. In other words maybe your ex thought you were but was afraid to tell you.

 

Yes, and it pisses me off that he held me up to the "miss size half zero" popular stardard of beauty. It's ridiculous that you're not able to find your SO attractive just because they don't look like the cover of Vogue. And if he DID find me fat, but still attractive, he just could've said something like "you look amazing and that's all that counts"... Instead he made it sound like I was just average to his eyes and 'good enough'.

 

If your ex was fat, and he asked you that question, how would you answer him? If you feel you look good and are not fat then thats whats important.

 

I've always told him that I loved his body and thought he was hot....

[princessa]

soo maybe your Ex did think you were fat which is why he Never said yes.

 

I do not understand why people ask others Opinions and then Discount what they hear because they believe differently. Hello.... do not ask the question then.

 

My point is that when it comes to your partner, it shouldn't matter if they're FAT or ugly, to your eyes, they should always be perfect and beautiful. And that's what should be voiced when questions like that come up.

[princessa]

Clearly he had too much pride for that.

 

Maybe he was put off by your obvious attempts at fishing for compliments? Just a thought.

 

So what does it cost to give up a freebie compliment once in a while??

[laRubiaBonita]

My point is that when it comes to your partner, it shouldn't matter if they're FAT or ugly, to your eyes, they should always be perfect and beautiful. And that's what should be voiced when questions like that come up.

 

and that is a great Idealism you have there! Good Luck with that in the Real World!

[JackJack]

Clearly he had too much pride for that.

 

Maybe he was put off by your obvious attempts at fishing for compliments? Just a thought.

 

 

This may very well be the case too.

 

If you feel good about yourself and you don't feel you look fat, then he probably didn't understand why you would ask him these questions. Sure we all want to look good for our partners, and want their opinons, but be prepared for what the answer may or may not be.

 

It would seem if he answered you by saying, "Yes hun you look fat." Then you would be pissed off. If he answered by saying, "No, hun you don't look fat." You would probably be pissed because you wouldn't feel he was being honest. So which do you prefer? Honesty? Or lying to you?

[InsanityImpaired]

My point is that when it comes to your partner, it shouldn't matter if they're FAT or ugly, to your eyes, they should always be perfect and beautiful. And that's what should be voiced when questions like that come up.

Eh no... that would be the delusional reply you demand, in order to validate yourself. Ask the same questions about intelligence, character, wit, humour et cetera, and you will see how ridiculous the answer would be? After all, who does not want to be appreciated as intelligent, of having good character, being witty, et cetera?

 

Furthermore even if he said that, the next barrage of questions would be about whether he says that because he means it, or whether it is to please you. You can't win if you have to answer such a question.

[princessa]

Sure the "right" answer is to say "not at all, you are beautiful" but is it his job to keep your self esteem elevated? That's hard to keep up with!

 

Why not? I thought this is what we should be doing for eachother, encouraging one another and make ourselves feel better no matter what. Being reassuring etc. What's wrong with boosting your partner's ego on purpose here and there?

 

Many men have been brainwashed by society, but many women have been brainwashed even more so about how we should look, and how we should feel about how we look.

 

Well my ex sure has been brainwashed by society. And I find it sad that he couldn't see past that,and that he held me up to those standards even when I didn't hold myself up to them.

[JackJack]

And if he DID find me fat, but still attractive, he just could've said something like "you look amazing and that's all that counts"...

 

 

If he had just said, "You look amazing and thats all that counts." That wouldn't piss you off either? Because he did not point blank answer your question, which was, "do I look fat?" If he answered like that, then he would be avoiding the real question.

[princessa]

and that is a great Idealism you have there! Good Luck with that in the Real World!

 

Well good luck with being stuck thinking "oh this could be improved" about your partner.

[laRubiaBonita]

Well good luck with being stuck thinking "oh this could be improved" about your partner.

 

i would never be stuck there. i know what i need/ should change/ want to change about myelf, all i would want is support from my partner.

and likewise, if something bothers me so much about my SO but it is not of their concern... i either get over it,and/ or move on, because they are not the person for me.

[princessa]

If he had just said, "You look amazing and thats all that counts." That wouldn't piss you off either? Because he did not point blank answer your question, which was, "do I look fat?" If he answered like that, then he would be avoiding the real question.

 

Yeah that's true... I don't know, perhaps I've been spoiled by the other little boys who would throw themselves at my feet just to get to talk to me for 5 miuntes.... So not having heartfelt compliments felt..... weird. I guess maybe if he had been more expressive about what he likes about me then I wouldn't have been asking these questions on purpose.

[princessa]

i would never be stuck there. i know what i need/ should change/ want to change about myelf, all i would want is support from my partner.

and likewise, if something bothers me so much about my SO but it is not of their concern... i either get over it,and/ or move on, because they are not the person for me.

 

So in other words, if you do decide to stay with a particular partner, it means that there's nothing that bothers you about him that much cause you would have gotten over it. In other words, pefection.

[tinktronik]

Personally , I think if you ask this question , you should be prepared for any anwser ; and should not get mad at whatever anwser you get . Hey ...You Asked.

 

I know better than to ask my H if I look good bad ect ... if I dont really want to know . Cause' he'll tell me the truth . My ex H was the same way . I guess i just like blunt insensitive men , Im kind of blunt and insensitive too though , so I guess if I dish it I prefer someone who can dish it back .

[princessa]

My ex H was the same way . I guess i just like blunt insensitive men , Im kind of blunt and insensitive too though , so I guess if I dish it I prefer someone who can dish it back .

 

Yeah I'm known to be blunt and insensitive as well... but I have't figured out if I prefer my men to be the same way or not. I have so far and I figure that that's what it takes to be able to put up with me....

[lovelorcet]

If she was a little over weight then I would not say anything (as this is not something I really consider important) but if she had gotten "fat" and I will consider fat here according to BMI then I would tell her.

 

I do not think that it is really acceptable to be "fat" as this is a major health issue. Being overweight is just like being an alcoholic or a smoker as far as I am concerned. People get really touche and defensive about this issue and try to make it a case about inner values but I just don't see it that way.

 

And if I really felt that she was fat I would not even wait for her to ask me. Because like I said I see this as a health issue and would already be doing something to try and change this.