"Honey... am I FAT?" .. what's your answer to that?

[laRubiaBonita]

So in other words, if you do decide to stay with a particular partner, it means that there's nothing that bothers you about him that much cause you would have gotten over it. In other words, pefection.

 

not perfection, but good enough.

 

i do not expect perfection, nor do i demand it.... but there are personal preferences i have, like if a guy i like treats his mother/ sisters/ elders with disrespect that is a Deal breaker.

if the guy is physically violent (with some small exceptions) Deal breaker

if he calls me names, Deal breaker.

 

it is not even physical matters that are the most the important to me.

[princessa]

If she was a little over weight then I would not say anything (as this is not something I really consider important) but if she had gotten "fat" and I will consider fat here according to BMI then I would tell her.

 

Exactly. I have normal BMI although I am not skinny. So no, we're talking pure aesthetics.

[jusified]

my answer would,

 

"sure you can be as fat as you want, but i love you"

 

I don't like skinny girls, I like women with curves.

[Art_Critic]

My point is that when it comes to your partner, it shouldn't matter if they're FAT or ugly, to your eyes, they should always be perfect and beautiful. And that's what should be voiced when questions like that come up.

 

So it was a test question .. it wasn't a question of wanting to know at all..

 

Why test your SO like that ?

 

Would you like it if your guy always asked you if his Mr Wiggles was small ?

[pricillia]

I just don't understand why we have to instigate and ask questions that we know are going to start trouble.

 

If they want to tell you that you look beautiful it has to come from them without prompting, anything else is just games.

[suchislife]

Men brainwashed by society? Shouldn't women take some of the responsibility for this? If they stopped fretting, tweaking, lifting, enlarging, selling, etc. maybe society would change a bit.

 

I don't ask that question, because I know how hard I exercise and watch what I eat to be satisfied with myself,and don't care what someone else thinks. I'm the only one in my family to not have heart disease, and I'm quietly proud of that.

 

It might have been nice if he'd said something postive, but it's a touchy question. Be satisfied with yourself.

[the_alchemyst]

I remember asking my exbf if he thought I was fat when I felt that I was gaining weight. He would always say, "No, you look fine/great/beautiful, and I like you just the way you are," which was nice to hear, I guess.

 

Only once did he flat out tell me that I was "getting fat" and that maybe I should look into losing some weight. I remember feeling hurt that time because I actually thought I was fine.

 

But besides that one incident, he never said anything about my weight.

 

I think this is not really a very good question to ask, imo. I think that if you feel that you are gaining weight or are getting chubby or whatever to the point where it makes you uncomfortable enough to have to ask your SO for approval that you can't seem to give yourself, it's time you look into losing some weight. If you want.

 

I just don't think this is something you should ask your SO to see if "they love you" or whatever. That's absurd, imo.

[princessa]

So it was a test question .. it wasn't a question of wanting to know at all..

 

Why test your SO like that ?

Nah it wasn't a test... I just wanted to hear him say that I'm beautiful For a change! He complimented me very rarely...

 

Would you like it if your guy always asked you if his Mr Wiggles was small ?

 

HAHAHAHA and HE USED TO!!!!!! ALL THE TIME! And I'd always tell him "no it's FAR from being small!!!!!"

[princessa]

Men brainwashed by society? Shouldn't women take some of the responsibility for this? If they stopped fretting, tweaking, lifting, enlarging, selling, etc. maybe society would change a bit.

 

Uh, it's demand that drives the supply, not the other way around.

 

It might have been nice if he'd said something postive, but it's a touchy question. Be satisfied with yourself.

 

Who says I'm not satisfied with myself? I just need to hear that he is!

[Mustang Sally]

Sounds to me like the guy you're referring to in your post was obviously not giving you what you needed (you stated you needed to hear he was "satisfied" with you). So I can understand your feeling like you needed to prod him on a bit, to see if he would be able to figure it out and thus fulfill your needs better? Maybe you were trying an "indirect" way of communicating with him? (Sort of a show by doing?)

 

Unfortunately, it also sounds like he didn't take the bait, and thus it became just that -- you baiting him -- a mind game. Thus, this guy was not able to meet your needs. It doesn't matter if everyone on LS thinks you should get over this need to be complimented (and I do heartily agree that life is much easier when you are satisfied with yourself regardless of what others may think or say about you) - if it's that important to you, then you aren't going to be able to sustain a relationship with someone who can't fulfill it. So best to start looking for another guy who can.

 

But like I said in another thread, don't ask the question if you can't handle the truth! **Jack Nicholson screaming**

[tinktronik]

Uh, it's demand that drives the supply, not the other way around.

 

 

 

Who says I'm not satisfied with myself? I just need to hear that he is!

I get exactly what you are saying . I too have a H who is preoccupied with things other than me , and especially not fixated on my looks . I think every now and then that I need to be told I am beautiful or pretty or be complimented ect ect . But he's just not that stuck on it . He has a wide range of interests and while he loves me and enjoys sharing his life with me he is not fixated on me . I think oh poow poow pitifuw me .

Then I remember the guys I dated who were fixated on me and gave me all sorts of compliments and how they became smothering and never wanted to talk about interesting things , and how I ultimatly nixxed them . So I guess it goes one way or the other.

[princessa]

Then I remember the guys I dated who were fixated on me and gave me all sorts of compliments and how they became smothering and never wanted to talk about interesting things , and how I ultimatly nixxed them . So I guess it goes one way or the other.

 

Heheh yeah I know the type.. I never give those the time of a day..

[mental_traveller]

Yes, and it pisses me off that he held me up to the "miss size half zero" popular stardard of beauty. It's ridiculous that you're not able to find your SO attractive just because they don't look like the cover of Vogue. And if he DID find me fat, but still attractive, he just could've said something like "you look amazing and that's all that counts"... Instead he made it sound like I was just average to his eyes and 'good enough'.

.

 

How would you react if you asked "Honey, am I fat?", and he said "Yeah you are a bit on the fat side"? Be honest now.

[mental_traveller]

My point is that when it comes to your partner, it shouldn't matter if they're FAT or ugly, to your eyes, they should always be perfect and beautiful. And that's what should be voiced when questions like that come up.

 

Why? If someone has grossed out like a pig and put on 5 stone, why should you still find them beautiful when they are not, let alone "perfect"? Looks matter, and if someone has stuffed their face enough to become obese and ugly as a result, then they should be prepared for the consequences. It's incredibly insulting to your partner to think that you should be able to get disgustingly fat and they have to just like it. Why should they have to indulge your lack of self-control or consideration to their feelings?

[johan]

They way to escape the trap that this question represents it to take a bite of a Snickers just before you answer. And then answer while you're chewing, so it's unintelligible. But make facial expressions of sincere appreciation. That works every time.

[princessa]

Why? If someone has grossed out like a pig and put on 5 stone, why should you still find them beautiful when they are not, let alone "perfect"? Looks matter, and if someone has stuffed their face enough to become obese and ugly as a result, then they should be prepared for the consequences. It's incredibly insulting to your partner to think that you should be able to get disgustingly fat and they have to just like it. Why should they have to indulge your lack of self-control or consideration to their feelings?

 

Um excuse me, where was it mentioned that I was anywhere close to "obese " or disgustingly fat? You're talking about an extreme, and this is not what this thread's about.

[cutegirl]

Hmmm... I wear a size 0 and XS, and I'm under 100 lbs... So no man could ever say that I was fat Unless they were dilusional.

[princessa]

Hmmm... I wear a size 0 and XS, and I'm under 100 lbs... So no man could ever say that I was fat Unless they were dilusional.

 

In your case then, the appropriate question to ask would be "Honey..... Do I look like a stick man?"

[cutegirl]

In your case then, the appropriate question to ask would be "Honey..... Do I look like a stick man?"

 

No, Im 5 ft tall so I'm perfectly proportionate. I look nothing like a stick. I hate it when people who are a little bit on the thick side have to make snide comments because someone is NATURALLY thin. all I eat is junk food, In N Out burgers, french fries etc. Just because the average woman is a oversized here in America doesn't mean that I'm a "Stick" because I happen to be thinner than the average woman.

 

I'm not going to lie about my size. Do you expect me to be discreet and keep it to myself just so "other people won't feel bad about themselves."? Screw that. I'm proud of what I look like.

 

I am not insecure to the point where I actually have to ASK my bf what I look like. I already know that I look good.

[IpAncA]

Hmmm... I wear a size 0 and XS, and I'm under 100 lbs... So no man could ever say that I was fat Unless they were dilusional.

 

I'm 5'2, about 105 and wear a size 2 and XS-S. There is no way anyone can call me fat and mean it unless their smaller then me or jealous.

 

IMO I think that "am I fat" leads to nothing but a ego boost or a fight. The guy would be smart to say no unless the girl wants an honest opinion. But even then she would get mad. No win situation.

[2sunny]

I think if you are asking - then you already know the answer!

 

I never ONCE asked my husband this question in the 20 years we were married. I was not an overweight kind of gal though.

 

If you ask, then you better be ready for any response he is willing to give...

[johan]

Girlfriend: Do you think I'm fat?

 

Me: Pack your sh*t. Get your fat ass out of here.

[princessa]

I'm not going to lie about my size. Do you expect me to be discreet and keep it to myself just so "other people won't feel bad about themselves."? Screw that. I'm proud of what I look like.

 

LOL, this thread is not about you or how flat your derriere is. You need to get over yourself because you're missing the whole point of this thread.

 

The point, reiterated for our slower audience, is that IMO when you're in love with somebody you should always look for beauty in that person, regardless of your own personal tastes that you had prior to meeting them. Yes I tend to be on the romantic/idealistic side, so this is why I was looking for other people's opinions. For example, my ex used to be a bit overweight (if we compare him to the standard), but he was always beautiful to me no matter what, and I still loved and adored his body. The same goes for skinny people.. If a man who for example usually prefers to go out with women that have lots of curves and are very feminine, might not appreciate somebody who's below 100 pounds and looks like she could be broken in half with one hand... But if he's in love with the girl I think that he should just automatically adore her body regardless of his preferences..

 

How the girl feels about her own body doesn't always match the guy's preferences either. Some girls like to keep their bodies athletic, while some guys love curvy girls. Some girls love to have some curves, while some guys prefer their women very thin. But that's on a superficial level. I think when you love somebody you barely notice their physical appearance anymore because you get used to them. This is why I think that the guy's own "preferences" about appearance should fade and eventually he should just have the "you're beautiful to me no matter what" attitude.

[Touche]

Girlfriend: Do you think I'm fat?

 

Me: Pack your sh*t. Get your fat ass out of here.

 

Ha! That was funny. How about:

 

G/f: Do you think I'm fat?

B/f: Oh honey, you know I love my women on the chunky side.

[princessa]

Ha! That was funny. How about:

 

G/f: Do you think I'm fat?

B/f: Oh honey, you know I love my women on the chunky side.

 

Man he actually told me something similar as well. He used the term curvy though..