clynn Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 How upset would you all be if your boyfriend went out for dinner with his ex? He states they are only just friends. ANd he says things to reassure me. However, my emotions betray logic and it upsets me. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 How upset would you all be if your boyfriend went out for dinner with his ex? He states they are only just friends. ANd he says things to reassure me. However, my emotions betray logic and it upsets me. I think that's disrespectful. Why not have dinner with your EX, tomorrow night? Link to post Share on other sites
Flyin in Clouds Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I think that's disrespectful. Why not have dinner with your EX, tomorrow night? I'd agree with that... except if my wife said she was going out with an old boyfriend, she'd come home to find the locks changed and her clothes in a smoldering heap in the driveway. She'd find the divorce papers emailed to her blackberry in the morning. Remeber turn about is fair play. Go find some male "just friends" to have a good time with. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 This is a deal breaker...... and if they are JUST friends his friend should welcome you to come along and join them for dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I think that's disrespectful. Why not have dinner with your EX, tomorrow night? This is a deal breaker...... and if they are JUST friends his friend should welcome you to come along and join them for dinner. I agree... Listen to your emotions Link to post Share on other sites
Spoonandfork22 Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Funny topic....my boyfriend spoke with an ex of his last night and they have plans to have lunch when she gets back into town one day (shes since moved to the other side of the state). This wouldnt bother me. Why? because my bf #1 is being honest wth me about it and #2 TRUST. its interesting how so many people are up in arms about this. I know everyone has their own opinion and own boundaries in their relationship but it also seems that there is a lot of insecurity in these posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Sevenmack Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 From a logical perspective, I'd say it depends on the circumstances. If your lover is having lunch with an ex and didn't tell you about it beforehand, then he deserves scorn. But if he informed you in advance and asked you to come along (but you declined), then it's a different story. And if the ex is coming along with her current lover, it makes it a different situation as well. As someone who gets a tad emotional -- to say the least -- about these things, I'd tell my lady that lunch, dinner, even coffee with the ex is unacceptable. After all, she wouldn't stand for it if I had a soiree with any of mine. And it isn't a matter of insecurity. The reality is that there are always going to be unresolved feelings for those with whom we shared our hearts and lives. To think that it's over simply because you're no longer dating is to fool oneself. The best way to get over someone in the long run is that good ol' formula of time and distance. You can't have distance at the dinner table. Especially if wine is being served along with the linguini. Link to post Share on other sites
My Fair Katie Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Were you invited? I don't go out with men without my husband for dinners, he doesn't go out with women without me for dinners (okay, once he went with my best girlfriend for lunch because I had to work that day and she was visiting, but they brought me takeaway to my office afterwards). Two people at dinner is too close to a date to be comfortable. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted January 19, 2007 Share Posted January 19, 2007 Never listen to what an ex TELLS you. Listen to their ACTIONS. Their actions tell you where their heart lies, not their words. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 If someone is in love with ME, he shouldnt need to go out with exes. His attention should be solely mine. If he honestly has female friends then he could invite me along. Dinner is too much like a date... I am really getting sick of hearing all these stories of people still involved with their exes. Exes are that way for a reason. Break up, get over it and move on!!!! Stop hanging around in the past and hurting the ones you love in the present. Funny topic....my boyfriend spoke with an ex of his last night and they have plans to have lunch when she gets back into town one day (shes since moved to the other side of the state). This wouldnt bother me. Why? because my bf #1 is being honest wth me about it and #2 TRUST. its interesting how so many people are up in arms about this. I know everyone has their own opinion and own boundaries in their relationship but it also seems that there is a lot of insecurity in these posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I believe the majority POV has spoken! Link to post Share on other sites
bab Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 If you trust your partner, and they are being upfront about it, I don't see it as a big deal. I'm very secure in my relationship and not a jealous person though, so maybe it is different if you aren't as secure. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I would only feel comfortable with it if I knew in advance, I understood fully what the reason for the get together was, I knew where, when and for how long. That I was "in the know" regarding what was happening. But I'd ask a million question about "why do you want to go" that I could possible think of prior to him going. And if there were inconsistencies I wouldn't have the trust I needed in order to feel comfortable with him going. Just because someone can say they're just friends, and it's nothing.. doesn't make their argument solid. You aren't irrational for not believing. Rational says that two people who once loved each other, and meet up for dinner at night, are probably more then just friends. Rational says that if it were nothing more than "friends", then an afternoon and a quick cup of coffee would suffice for "catching up". Rational would say that you'd be invited along and included in the conversation as a "What is bf doing with his life now".. Oh look, he's in a serious relationship and he brought the love of his life to meet his old friend. Rational doesn't say "just friends" and then off to a nice restaurant... at night... by themselves. So no... I don't believe he gave you a rational, logical argument for why he wanted to meet up with her. Ask again. And let him know that blowing this off by calling you insecure is not going to resolve the problem, but that by putting in some effort toward explaining himself indepth might. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Remember turn about is fair play. Go find some male "just friends" to have a good time with. I agree with all but the above. Then again, I don't play games. The rest of it would be my approach as well. Link to post Share on other sites
georgina Posted January 24, 2007 Share Posted January 24, 2007 How upset would you all be if your boyfriend went out for dinner with his ex? He states they are only just friends. ANd he says things to reassure me. However, my emotions betray logic and it upsets me. Hi not sure how long you have been together not that it matters really. Ive been in the same position and if you tell your boyfriend how it makes you feel and he still sees her then either ask to meet her ! Link to post Share on other sites
orangehose Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 Hmmm, what would people think about their SO having dinner with the SO's ex's sibling or best friend, in which the SO wanted to find out what was going on with their ex? Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted January 25, 2007 Share Posted January 25, 2007 How upset would you all be if your boyfriend went out for dinner with his ex? He states they are only just friends. ANd he says things to reassure me. However, my emotions betray logic and it upsets me. Um...I would be extremely upset, especially if I didn't know about it. Link to post Share on other sites
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