Need some suport, she finally called

[Dad_of_3]

Just heading out for the day.

I heard this song the other day ... Have a listen to the lyrics.

 

FORT MINOR

 

"Believe Me"

 

[chorus]

I guess

That this is where we've come to

If you don't want to

Then you don't have to believe me

But I won't be there when you go down

Just so you know now

You're on your own now believe me

 

I don't want to be the one to blame

You like fun and games

Keep playing em

I'm just saying

Think back then

We was like one and the same

On the right track

But I was on the wrong train

Just like that

Now you've got a face to pain

And the devil's got a fresh new place to play

In your brain like a maze you can never escape the rain

Every damn day is the same shade of grey

 

Hey

I used have a little bit of a plan

Used to

Have a concept of where I stand

But that concept slipped right out of my hands

Now I don't really even know who I am

Yo, what do I have to say

Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free

What ever happens to you, we'll see

But it's not gonna happen with me

 

[chorus]

I guess

That this is where we've come to

If you don't want to

Then you don't have to believe me

But I won't be there when you go down

Just so you know now

You're on your own now believe me

 

Back then, I thought you were just like me

Somebody who could see all the pain I see

But you proved to me unintentionally

That you would self-destruct eventually

Now I'm thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt

But it's not gonna work

Cause it's really much worse than I thought

I wished you were something that you were not

And now this guilt is really all that I got

 

You turned your back

And walked away in shame

All you got is a memory of pain

Nothing makes sense so you stare at the ground

I hear your voice in my head when no one else is around

What do I have to say

Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free

What ever happens to you, we'll see

But it's not gonna happen with me

 

[chorus]

I guess

That this is where we've come to

If you don't want to

Then you don't have to believe me

But I won't be there when you go down

Just so you know now

You're on your own now believe me

 

[bridge]

 

[chorus]

I guess

That this is where we've come to

If you don't want to

Then you don't have to believe me

But I won't be there when you go down

Just so you know now

You're on your own now believe me

 

Do what i have to do

You're on your own now believe me

 

What ever happens to you

You're on your own now believe me

 

What do I have to say

You're on your own now believe me

 

It's not gonna happen with me

You're on your own now believe me

[dropdeadlegs]

Been away for a few days.

 

Read the email you constructed from your "cheerleading" posts and I think you said and did what needed to be said and done.

 

I am proud!

 

Now stick to your guns!

 

I will continue to say how far you have come. It is not easy to go through what you have been through , nor to do and say things that are hard to do and say. But you are continually growing, my friend. You are.

 

You have finally done NC on your part, but may need to reinforce it. That won't always be easy. If she contacts you again, and I believe she will, you need to be ready to handle that. From the initial "Hi" you need to say "what is the purpose of this call?" And follow through if it is not about reconciliation. You may have to say "are you calling to come back?" And if the answer is no, shut the call down. Again, if the answer is yes, you need to be ready to state the conditions, assuming you are willing to reconcile.

 

Keep moving, Keep it paid, And that $hit is SOOO 2006!

 

Love, you, man!

 

~Legs~

[stanchain]

Been away for a few days.

 

Read the email you constructed from your "cheerleading" posts and I think you said and did what needed to be said and done.

 

I am proud!

 

Now stick to your guns!

 

I will continue to say how far you have come. It is not easy to go through what you have been through , nor to do and say things that are hard to do and say. But you are continually growing, my friend. You are.

 

You have finally done NC on your part, but may need to reinforce it. That won't always be easy. If she contacts you again, and I believe she will, you need to be ready to handle that. From the initial "Hi" you need to say "what is the purpose of this call?" And follow through if it is not about reconciliation. You may have to say "are you calling to come back?" And if the answer is no, shut the call down. Again, if the answer is yes, you need to be ready to state the conditions, assuming you are willing to reconcile.

 

Keep moving, Keep it paid, And that $hit is SOOO 2006!

 

Love, you, man!

 

~Legs~

I guess I should start it off with she already called... I figured it would take her a day or two to get the email. Well she got it today and she called. She let it ring once or twice and then hung up. I guess she decided that maybe I was serious. And of course she called from a block number. The only reason I know it was her is because NOBODY calls me from a block number because they know I do not answer them.

 

Now on my end, my "cheerleading" section is made up of some of the most wonder, supportive, and brutally honest (Pixie) people I have ever had the pleasure of talking to. If it was not for you guys, I would still be lost looking for my bearings. The email that was made up of all your post, was one of the hardest things that I have done. It was not easy by any means to hit the send button. I mean I wrote it, sent it to my sister... and let it just sit there for a while. I mean I had bought a few books on how to get back the person you love... and they pretty much said the same thing. Go NC for a month and then slowly start working your way back into their life. Through accidental meetings and little things like that. But in my world, in my life... that just doesnt work. It has been a month, and I do not want to have accidental meetings and things of that nature. I dont want to do coffee and see how we are around each other. I mean ot be really honest I am not sure if I even want her back. And that to me was the key to NC. It allowed me the time I NEEDED, to get myself back mentally strong. Do I miss her... sure, do i still love her... sure... but am I willing to play the fool....uh H-LL NO. Like gunny has said time and time again. In for a penny in for a pound.

 

Talking to her Wed... it was nice, nice to hear her voice, nice to know she is doing ok... it was really nice. And I had to put it in perspective (thanks to some friends as well). It was a scouting call, to see how strong I was. it wasnt Stanchain, I messed up I left a great man for a f--king loser who hasnt even graduated high school. It was my life is a mess, I cant afford the lifestyle you so easily gave me, my new boyfriend is a jealous boy (not man), my dad is going to jail and getting fired... it wasnt anything that meant anything to me. It was only to make her feel better, which is basically the problem anyway... she thinks it is about her, and her deciding if she wants to come back... hahahaha. uh no.

 

 

Legs sticking to my guns is not going to be hard at all. The hardest part like I said was sending it. I do not think she will call again. at least not for a long time. She has too much pride, wether it is ignorant or not. What I said in the letter will eat at her, and she will sit and be miserable before she admits that she messed up (although she emplied it on the phone a few times). I wise woman once said... that by the time she is willing to come back, you probably wont even want her back. And really that is pretty much were we are at now. I would be lying if I said I dont ever think about her... but I am telling the truth when I say that my heart is not as open to her and her ways any longer.

 

So again, I can do nothing but thank all of you for not only the guidance, but also the strength that you reminded me that I had inside of me. And to all it is nothing but love....

 

Keep it moving, Keep it paid.... and of course... THAT $HIT is SO 2006

[Mz. Pixie]

Now on my end, my "cheerleading" section is made up of some of the most wonder, supportive, and brutally honest (Pixie) people I have ever had the pleasure of talking to. If it was not for you guys, I would still be lost looking for my bearings.

 

One of the reasons that I try to always be honest is that I see alot of my H in alot of you guys who come here.

 

Not only did my H's exwife cheat on him and leave him for the OM (by whom she was also pregnant) but the girl he dated before me really did a number on him.

 

She owes him around ten thousand dollars!

 

He's just honest and hardworking and would do anything for his woman, but women have always taken advantage of him. Right before he met me he decided that he didn't need a woman to be happy. He wanted someone in his life but he didn't need to put up with BS to get it. He formed in his mind exactly the type of woman that he'd be interested in and what he wouldn't be interested in.

 

Lucky for him a couple of months after that he bumped into me at Starbucks.

 

He didn't want an younger girl with more looks than she had sense or one who thought she was too good for her man and expected to be kept up. He wanted a partner. A person who would give as good as she got and work hard on the relationship. Who would love and support him and expect the same thing in return. Kind of like Gunny said................

 

I wish you would have left out the part that if she straightened up you might reconcile with her!!! Come on man, why would you want to??? Don't you think you deserve better??????

 

Why would you want to be with some woman who used you for cash and support and then up and left you high and dry for another guy who is younger???? How do you know she wouldn't do it again????

 

I have to laugh at my wife in law (which is what I call my husbands exwife) because she thought the grass was so much greener on the other side and has since found out it's not. She's got three kids under 6- no money- a teeny tiny house and they never get to go out or vacation or have fun.

 

I got a H who treats me well, loves to spend time with me, and who is a true partner to me. It's also kinda funny because we vacation at least once a year at a really nice place and sometimes twice. I don't have to worry about money very much- we both earn a good salary and have enough to have a good time with. Plus, I adore him and I treat him right. We both got the best end of the bargain.

 

Don't you want that for yourself??

[stanchain]

Why would I leave the door open.....? That is a damn good question pixie. I mean really. After all the pain she has caused, after leaving me high and dry, after it has taken me this long to get myself back to being better. Because I am a glutten for punishment... because I have not learned my lesson? Nah, only because love is blind. I mean that is my only answer. Although I have been through a lot, I still have a lot of love in my heart for her. Deep down, I want her life to be good, I dont want her to have worries... Is all that a little stupid... sure it is. But like I told gunny, when i love I do not love with part of me, I love with all of me. My heart, body, and soul. And yeah I have been in a lot of pain. The problem is I cant just forget about that love over night. I wish that I could. I wish I could just turn it off, but I cant. What I can do and say is it not something that I am worried about. Like I told Legs, Melissa has to much pride to come back and admit she was wrong. And she wouldnt be willing or able to do the work it would take to get me back. So I am TRULY not worried about us reconciling at all. So that is why it is not a big deal to add that in it. And of course, a big part of me is not sure if I could take her back even if she tried. So really I am not sure hwat I would do.... but if it was today... I couldnt do it. It would take a lot of work, a lot of rebuilding trust and breaking down walls.

[Mz. Pixie]

Nah, only because love is blind. I mean that is my only answer. Although I have been through a lot, I still have a lot of love in my heart for her. Deep down, I want her life to be good, I dont want her to have worries... Is all that a little stupid... sure it is. But like I told gunny, when i love I do not love with part of me, I love with all of me. My heart, body, and soul.

 

Well, to me there are deal breakers in any relationship.

 

Mine are-

 

Infidelity-emotional or physical

Abuse- of either me or my children

An addiction of any kind- alcohol, drugs, and smoking.

 

I think that you need to examine yourself really closely here Stan. I think it's possible you may be a little codependent.

 

Did you say that you had gotten counseling??? If not it may be a good time to think about that.

 

Every time you think about how you'd like to take her back if she changes- think about the fact that she's been screwing around on you and playing mind games with you. That should be like a splash of cold water in your face.

 

And by the way, you can still want good things for her. You do not have to hate her. In fact you should forgive her for your own peace of mind. That doesn't mean however that you need to be with her!!!

[stanchain]

Well, to me there are deal breakers in any relationship.

 

Mine are-

 

Infidelity-emotional or physical

Abuse- of either me or my children

An addiction of any kind- alcohol, drugs, and smoking.

 

I think that you need to examine yourself really closely here Stan. I think it's possible you may be a little codependent.

 

Did you say that you had gotten counseling??? If not it may be a good time to think about that.

 

Every time you think about how you'd like to take her back if she changes- think about the fact that she's been screwing around on you and playing mind games with you. That should be like a splash of cold water in your face.

 

And by the way, you can still want good things for her. You do not have to hate her. In fact you should forgive her for your own peace of mind. That doesn't mean however that you need to be with her!!!

 

Pixie,

It is hard for me to see it as she is screwing around on me. I mean we are not together in anyway, so it makes that side of it hard. Now as far the mind games. That is the thing that I do think about when I think about her. That and the lies. When I say that I think about taking her back those are the two things that I think about. How she played a lot of games and I am not sure if I could ever believe a word that comes out of her mouth. I remember putting that a big part of me doesnt want her back. And that is my MIND. My mind doesnt play tricks on me. It remembers the pain that she caused, the games she played. Yet, from time to time it is my heart that forgets and only remembers the good times. It is kinda like when I got out of the navy. Now I remember all the good things about the Navy and the bad things... well I just cant recall. Either way it goes Pixie it is kinda of a null and void conversation. I mean we are talking about something that I really dont have to worry about happening. I can understand why you would tell me about it though. I really do not think I am codependent. I mean I do enjoy having women in my life and things of that nature. To be honest I think it is more about the sex. I mean I have a really high sex drive and well.. yeah... Counseling for that would be fine I guess. But then again all the males in my family are like that... actually most of the women too. (family is very open and talk) So if you asked me the one thing that bothers me every day (not about her) it would be the lack of that. I mean I havent touched a pereson since she left. it has been over 2 and a half months... that has to be some record for me. But I am wanting to make sure I am over her before I start ANYTHING with anybody else. Am I dating... yes... but just not ready to get intimate, feel that would be like leading somebody on.

[Mz. Pixie]

Am I dating... yes... but just not ready to get intimate, feel that would be like leading somebody on.

 

Yes it would be so good idea on that end.

[Ladyjane14]

It is hard for me to see it as she is screwing around on me. I mean we are not together in anyway, so it makes that side of it hard. Now as far the mind games. That is the thing that I do think about when I think about her. That and the lies. When I say that I think about taking her back those are the two things that I think about. How she played a lot of games and I am not sure if I could ever believe a word that comes out of her mouth.

 

 

 

Please excuse me if I'm wrong.... but aren't we talking about a 21 year-old girl here? And you, almost 30?

 

What more can you expect from a girl who was still a teenager when you started dating her? She's immature.... because she's still a kid. The new guy is apparently a HIGH SCHOOL student. What does that tell you?

 

You know... I hate say it, but maybe the girl isn't the only one who could stand to mature up a little bit. It seems like there's a little room for emotional growth on your part as well.

[stanchain]

Please excuse me if I'm wrong.... but aren't we talking about a 21 year-old girl here? And you, almost 30?

 

What more can you expect from a girl who was still a teenager when you started dating her? She's immature.... because she's still a kid. The new guy is apparently a HIGH SCHOOL student. What does that tell you?

 

You know... I hate say it, but maybe the girl isn't the only one who could stand to mature up a little bit. It seems like there's a little room for emotional growth on your part as well.

 

Hmmmmm. now, lets step back on how it all began. I was a stand up comedian at the time and well I was basically sleeping with a lot of women (comedians have groupies... who knew?) and well after a show I met her and thought she was cute and looked like she would be fun in bed. Needless to say it wsa fun and her company was cool. Never in my wildest dreams did I think we would be together for 3 years. I mean she was too young, wasnt established enough... the list goes on and on. But the more I spent time with her the more feelings I developed. And well the rets is history. Am I saying that I couldnt mature more emotionally... no that is not what I am saying. But what I am saying is that it is not normal for me to date women that much younger than me. Maybe 2 years, 3 years max. normally they are older. Oldest was around 10 years older, younger women always bothered me because they did not bring enough to the table. The problem is it is too late, my feelings have already been established. yeah I am better but I cant change the mistakes I made in the past, I can only learn and grow from them. DO I want her back... not really. yet I cant lie and say it does not cross my mind from time to time

[Mz. Pixie]

Stand up comedian??? How did that work out for you?

[stanchain]

Stand up comedian??? How did that work out for you?

 

Was there some sarcasim in that? Actually comedy was wonderful. I did it locally here in fresno for about a year. Did a show in phili, mineapolis, Oxnard, Sac... did some show in a few other places. only got out of it because... well part of it was her she was tired of the groupies and the after parties and really I was getting burnt out. it takes a lot of work to write new material. And I basically ran out. when you are writing new material every week you get a lil burnt out.

 

Second thing... after sending that email I got a call from a blocked number today. I didnt answer it but they left a message. The message was about a bill (which I already said I was not going to pay in the email) and then commented on my trip to vegas this weekend that was actually planned for her and I (for her bday). "I hope you have fun in vegas this weekend." i thought it was funny as can be. I did not even come close to calling her back. But I thought it was funny. trying to get me to call her. Why play the games? Oh I know because she is so young.

[Mz. Pixie]

Was there some sarcasim in that?

 

No, I was being sincere. I've never met or posted to someone who was a comedian.

[stanchain]

Being a comedian was one of the biggest thrills of my life. I had always dreamed of being on stage and trying it. I decided to try it and the first time I had a great show. So i started doing it every week. Next thing I know, I was MCing and things of that nature (the guy that runs the show). even opened my own club for a short time, very short... my partner didnt have his mind on the money.. he was more worried about the benefits (women). It is hard to really explain the thrill, but there is nothing like it. I mean to be on stage and be able to bring joy to a bunch of peoples lives.. even if it was for only 5, 10, 30 minutes. The funniest part is it was like therapy for me, I talked about the problems I was having in my life and they just laughed... it was great. In fact the best show that I ever had was the night that my father died. I had to MC about 20 minutes after I found out. In fact I had just left my house to just get away and ran across one of the guys that ran a club and he needed an MC. It was really random.

[stanchain]

Hey ... I did it... I finally did the one thing that I said I had to do to know if I was over miss melissa.... And oh was it fun... I realized something after it was all said and done... If she left because of s-x... it wsant my fault... It was A LOT OF FUN...