Being Cool

[batra1976]

I was introduced to a man through a friend. She is our mutual friend. There is something there though we do not know each other well. We usually see each other out a clubs. He has asked about me to friends a couple times. I have done the same. He was really drunk one night and asked for my number (i shouldnt have given it to him) and he never called. I took is as a not interested but he has since asked about me etc. Anyways, I am an outgoing person and not usually SHY but when I am around him I get major butterflies and HAVE NOTHING to SAY!!

How do I snap out of it, realize I dont know him so how do I even know if I like him, there are many fish in the sea, etc.....

I cant get him off my mind.

 

HELP!!

thanks!

[yes]

perhaps he doesnt remember asking for your number, thats why he hasnt called (was he totally drunk or just tipsy?)

 

i think that if ur not shy, normally, u might as well ask him for a date, - and see if u like him. if he's not your kind of guy, after the date, you'll "snap" out of being interested. if he is - you'll just have to find out if u'r his kinda girl...; or maybe just mention the time he was drunk & try to see if he remembers getting yr # or not...

 

i would be concerned about someone who gets so drunk they dont remember what they were doing though, esp. if they do it on a regular basis

 

just some thoughts for ya =)

-yes

[beaker]

Anyways, I am an outgoing person and not usually SHY but when I am around him I get major butterflies and HAVE NOTHING to SAY!!

 

Sounds like me! Normally I'm very personable and outgoing, but when around a woman I have a crush on my IQ drops by 100 points or so, and my contribution to the conversation drops to hardly anything. It's very pathetic, but thankfully only temporary.

 

In my case (and possibly yours as well, or maybe the guy in your story?) the problem is a fear of making a fool of myself. This might involve putting my foot in my mouth, or it might involve making an advance where one is not wanted. That discomfort almost always retreats into the background after I receive a bit of positive reinforcement -- a big genuine smile, a hug, something like that -- because then I know I have a "cushion of goodwill" to land on if I say or do something less-than-brilliant. Does that make sense? The problem is if the woman in whom I'm interested has a similar problem, we get into a stupid standoff of goofy grins, nervous laughter, and asking friends if they think so-and-so is interested, obviously none of which is enough to break the ice for the other.

 

If I was in the shoes of the guy in your story, I probably wouldn't have called either -- not because I wouldn't want to talk to you, but because I wouldn't want to make an ass of myself/irritate you by calling and having nothing intelligent to say. When someone says "call me any time, I'd love to hear from you," then that's a different story entirely. Perhaps you could try telling him something along those lines?

 

The only surefire way of resolving this is what Yes suggested -- asking him on a date and seeing what happens. However, since I realize that might be hard for you, you could also try what most women do -- giving him all sorts of positive reinforcement like smiles and hugs, telling him you would love to hear from him, and seeing if he asks you. If after a few days he still won't ask you, even under those circumstances, he's either not interested or so wimpy that you shouldn't be interested in him.

 

Hope that helps some.

[butterflyz]

with beaker. it is important for someone to get signals that an advance would be wanted.

 

but...find out if this guy gets drunk often. if he does, then he's not going to be as emotionally available to you, compared to someone who doesn't rely on alcohol to come out of his shell.

 

in the past, i have made moves to let a guy know that i like him. sometimes it works out well (initially) and sometimes it doesn't (rejection). i say sometimes it works out well because the connection is made, but for guys that like the chase, they tend to view women who initiate the relationship as convenient and then treat you as such.

 

i know we're in the year 2002, but men still have the caveman mindset that whoever is worth the chase will be treated like a goddess, and the rest of us who just want to make an honest connection and NOT play games are treated like pondscum.

 

but, it is worth it to find out where he stands.

 

good luck!!!

[clia]

Hmm...well, I wouldn't recommend asking him out, but that's just me.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about it yet. Who knows with guys? If he was drunk when he got your number, he likely woke up the next morning and felt like a dumbass for getting your number when he was wasted. He might've even thought that you were wasted too, so he might make a fool of himself when he called. The sober light of day is quite different from the 2 a.m. drunkness. Everything seems like a great idea at 2 a.m.! But that doesn't mean he doesn't like you!

 

Your only option is to tastefully flirt the next time you see him. Just be sweet and friendly. And about those butterflies...I really wish I had the answer to help you. I get them, too and know exactly how you feel. I can be extremely witty with people, and then a guy walks up who I'm interested in and I clam up. Duh! (So if you figure out a solution other than liquor, I'd love to hear it, too!) But anyway, just flirt with him! Maybe he'll ask for your number again or ask if he can call you. If not...well...there are other boys in the sea.

 

[Ally Boo]

I'm going to always end up putting my foot in my mouth at some point or another....so they might as well get used to it. I think my dinginess is funny, as long as they get that I'm not stupid, just kinda "blonde." Be yourself....you are a lot better at being that, then trying to be what someone ELSE thinks or what YOU think you should be.